


Saving All My Sinning

by Thewriterinme



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-09-02 18:43:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 67,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8679103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thewriterinme/pseuds/Thewriterinme
Summary: Clarke and Lexa meet at church summer camp.Fic title from a Lake Street Dive song.





	1. Stuck in the Middle With You - The 1st Summer

_Here I am, stuck in the middle with you_  
_Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you,_  
_And I'm wondering what it is I should do_  
_It's so hard to keep this smile from my face,_  
_Losing control, and I'm all over the place_

[Stuck in the Middle with You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DohRa9lsx0Q) -  **Stealers Wheel**

**Week 1 -**

There's secular music coming from the chapel, which causes her to stop what she’s doing to listen. She had been double checking cabin assignments for the campers coming today. It’s the first day of camp and it’s important that check-in runs smoothly otherwise she will be stressed out for the rest of the week - it really sets the tone for the entire camp really. Now, she has to go tell an early bird to stop playing and already be labeled as a kill-joy.

It's not like the kids don't know not to play non-Christian music at camp so it's surprising that someone is playing at all. The piano, she notices, sounds a bit out of tune and disconcerted but they keep going on as if nothing is wrong with the melody that sounds dissonant.

It has been years since Clarke has played any instruments but she’ll never forget all of the music theory she studied in high school or how to know how to listen for harmonies and chords. She appreciates the music as she walks the short distance from her office to the chapel.

Her determination falters when she reaches the glass door of the chapel. She’s surprised and wonders if maybe she’s imagining things - there is no kid sitting at the piano. Instead, she watches as a stranger plays with intensity, her eyes closed.

The woman immediately captivates Clarke although she’s not quite sure why: maybe it’s the way she moves with the music, maybe it’s the way she smiles as she plays. Maybe it’s both. She shakes her head at herself to snap out of the stupor and ignores the lingering thought in her mind that keeps repeating how beautiful this woman is.

The woman’s head snaps up when Clarke pulls open the door. It creaks and it breaks the feeling of alternate reality the song, whatever it was that she was playing, had created. The stranger smiles at Clarke, a large smile, and then returns to playing intent in finishing the song.

Clarke wants to tell her she really can’t be playing right now, especially a song that’s not out of their songbook, but she’s absolutely enthralled by this moment. Slowly, she walks toward the front of the chapel where the piano sits, upright and out-of-tune.

The song goes on the time it takes her to reach the altar. When she finally gets to the steps, she stops and looks up. The woman looks down and lifts her hands from the piano with grace and reverence. She greets Clarke with her left hand and Clarke notices that she has the most slender piano fingers. The thought throws her off and she feels her cheeks burning but she has to be firm. This is her job after all, so she pushes down the nerves and speaks up, “you’re not supposed to play secular music in here.”

“Oh,” the woman says quietly then smiles and turns her body toward Clarke. “I apologize, I was just getting a feel for the piano.”

“It’s okay,” Clarke assures her but then adds, “please, just don't do it again, especially when the kids arrive.”

“No worries,” the pianist tells her and stands from the piano. “I probably won't be using this for camp, it’s extremely out-of-tune.”

“I’m sorry - who are you again?” Clarke has no idea who this person is and what she’s doing at her camp. “Also, we haven’t used this piano in years.”

“Oops!” She exclaims while jumping off the altar to be level with Clarke. Extending her hand she introduces herself, “The name’s Lexa, I’ll be your worship leader this summer.”

Worship leader? Clarke’s surprised, they already have a worship leader - Finn, her fiancé. She lets go of Lexa’s hand, “What do you mean? We have a -”

“Pastor Griff said you would say that,” Lexa chuckles and smirks. “I didn't ask for the job, I was offered and figured why not, you know? If I can impress young hearts then I’m all for it.” Then the other woman turns around to climb back on the piano, “your father said you should come see him when you found out.”

Clarke is indignant with finding this out. She was aware her father didn’t really like Finn but she never thought he would do something quite like this. Even worse, why hadn’t Finn told her in the months leading to camp? Why hadn’t he told her that morning as they drove to camp together?

She leaves without saying goodbye to the new camp staff member but is pleasantly surprised to hear that Lexa begins playing a song from the approved songbook as she walks away.

Her father is the camp manager and Chaplain. He hires the staff and manages the ins and outs of what happens at camp. Clarke loves her father very much but they have been having issues since she and Finn started dating years back.

She storms into her father’s office. He’s sitting on his leather chair by the unlit fireplace reading the camp’s guidelines. “I take it you’ve heard.”

“How could you do this?” She asks. “Finn’s -”

“Finn requested that I find someone else, Clarke.” He tells her.

“What?” She asks, unaware that her father and fiancé had been talking about this behind her back. “What?” She repeats.

“He called last week and explained that he preferred not to be worship leader this summer. Then he asked me not to tell you because he was afraid you’d not want to be girl’s director if you found out before camp.”

“Well," she says mostly to herself, “he’s right about that.” Her father has a second leather chair next to the one he’s using. She sits down and relaxes into it. “I wonder why. Did he tell you why?”

The pastor shakes his head. “You should probably talk to him before he leaves.”

“You’re right,” Clarke admits. She stands and kisses his forehead, “sorry for being angry at you.”

“It’s okay, honey. Now go find him, because your mother wants your help later.”

“Okay,” she tells him. “Call me on the radio when the kiddos start getting here.”

“Will do.”

She takes off and texts Finn wondering about his whereabouts. He responds that he’s on his way to her cabin so she lets him know that she’ll meet him there.

Her cabin is across the chapel so she hears the music still filtering out. She has to admit that besides the fact that Finn is her fiance, this girl is much more talented at the piano at least. She seems to have more training and control.

Clarke sees Finn sitting on the steps of her cabin and sits next to him. He grabs her hand and interlocks their fingers. “Hey,” he greets her with that charming albeit fake smile. “Are you mad?”

“I’m definitely upset. I don't understand why you're doing this.”

He chuckles and then wraps his free hand over interwoven hands. “Camp has always been more your thing than mine.” She sighs because she knows this but it’s something they've done together for years now. “I kept coming back because I love you but I'm not sure I can be here this summer. With everything that happened this past year with Wells dying - I'm just not ready, Clarke.”

“You should have told me this, Finn. I want to help.”

She realizes he’s crying when their eyes meet and she rushes to shush him with tender hands on his cheeks, “I’m sorry,” he apologizes at her touch. “I just,” he attempts to smile but it fails and so she leans forward to kiss him. When they pull apart he continues, “You are able to hold onto your faith to get over Wells’ death. You’re strong, Clarke. I'm not and I don't want to drag you with me.”

“That’s very selfless of you, Finn,” she says. “But you should lean on me for things like this if we're getting married.”

“I’m leaving camp,” he lets her know. “I will call you when I get home, okay?”

They stand together and they’re still holding hands. He hugs her tight, and Clarke lets herself be overcome with his care. “I will probably be in the middle of check-in but I’ll call you back when I go to bed.”

After Finn drives away, Clarke returns to her office briefly to grab some things before going to see her mother. Even though Finn would not have shared the office with her (or the room in the back), it still feels empty without him. He’s her best friend and she can't figure out how to get through to him. He needs to understand that everyone suffers, but she is here for him. Instead, he continues to push her away at every new road block. She misses him.

The first aid building is between the cafeteria and the chaplain’s office, which is convenient for her parents because they like to grab lunch together. Sometimes she joins, but she hasn’t in a while thanks to Finn.

He’s not terrible to her. They are best friends, and have been since they met three years ago. She loves him but sometimes she catches herself wondering if she’s in love with him. It’s an awful thought that plagues her and after spilling the secret to her father once, he’s never let it go. He wonders why she’s still with Finn when she is young and can find someone who will make her truly happy.

Not to say that Finn isn't flawed. He certainly is. Once, after Clarke broke the news of Well’s passing, they had a fight so big that he left for Atlantic City and didn’t come back for three days (and lost $5000). That was a difficult patch in their relationship and Clarke’s been trying since then to fix it.

Her mom is organizing the first aid cabinet one last time before camp begins. She’s used to patching up at least five kids by first day’s end. They have been doing this long enough, she knows what to expect. “Hi, honey,” her mother smiles and hugs her. “How was your drive down here?”

“Fine,” Clarke tells her. “Did you know about Finn?”

Her mother, - Dr. Abby, reads the nametag around her neck, - sighs and narrows her eyes at her, “yes, I’m sorry.”

Clarke’s walking along her mother’s room, hand trailing the furniture until she is standing by the door again. “I can’t believe all of you knew this. And you and dad are both aware of our relationship issues.”

Abby hands her a pile of forms and orders, “sort these, please.”

She does as her mother asks, obedient even if she’s an independent 25 year old woman who lives by herself.

Her mother says, “he asked your father, we had to honor his request. If he had told you, would you be here right now?”

“Probably not, I know,” Clarke says, “but-”

“You love camp, and this is the first year you’re girl’s director. You’ve worked hard for this, you shouldn’t have to give it up.”

It’s Clarke’s turn to sigh. She begins sorting the campers’ medical forms by age group, gender, and last name. She has six smaller piles growing on the table in front of her.

“Besides, the time apart might do you good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She’s intrigued. She knows her father can't stand Finn, but she hasn’t yet been able to get it out of her mother her true feelings about Finn.

“It’s healthy to spend time apart from your partner, that’s it. It’ll give you guys something to talk about.”

“Mom,” Clarke is annoyed now. “You and dad are always together.”

Her mom doesn’t say anything at that because it’s true. They work at the camp year-round now, and have ever since they both retired. They’re not too old but the money Abby made as top cardio-thoracic surgeon in Baltimore has been more than enough to allow both to retire and support Jake’s dream of opening the camp.

“The circumstances are different, I guess,” Clarke mutters after she thinks about it. “I’m done with this - did you need help with anything else?” She places each pile in a different manila folder and labels them.

Abby takes the folders and puts them inside her drawer. “You’re good, that’s all. You should go greet the campers.”

“Yeah,” she says and walks off to the front of the cafeteria, where there’s a clearing the buses and cars are supposed to park and drop off the kids. It’s still early, nearing 9 am now, but campers should start arriving at about 10 am. With her clipboard in hand she sits on a bench by the entrance of the cafeteria.

It’s not too long after that when Octavia and Lincoln join her. They each take a seat on one side of her. Octavia hugs her tight and Lincoln squeezes her shoulder, and she fills them in while the rest of the staff arrives. The last ones to get there is Bellamy, the boy’s director, and Lexa.

They’re talking animatedly as if they have known each other for a long time but Clarke is sure this is the first Bellamy’s met Lexa. He would have definitely mentioned a new girl in his life if they had met before. He’s one of those guys, good guy, but that always assumes the girls are into him. And while he is charming, and Lexa seems to be interested in whatever he is saying, Clarke can't shake the feeling that Lexa isn’t into him.

Not that it matters, obviously.

When everyone has gathered and the noise settled, Jake leads the group in prayer and says a few words about this being the best camp ever. He reminds the staff that they are there to have fun but to help the children with their spiritual lives first. Clarke thinks about Finn and sees how that would have been hard for him.

After that, everything's a blur - people start arriving in groups. Parents and teachers and kids all talking loudly and laughing louder.

Clarke’s main job at arrival is to ensure each girl has a cabin and a counselor assigned. She says hi to her old campers and introduces herself to new parents. Thankfully the process runs smoothly and within the next two hours, all of the registered kids have arrived, checked-in, and the parents are leaving.

She’s reviewing the girl’s medications at her mother’s ask - checking it against their registration forms before giving the ziplock bags back to the doctor, when Lexa sits next to her. “Do you need a hand?”

Clarke is surprised at her voice, but nods and hands her half of the forms. “So we just have to ensure each kid has the same meds as the forms indicate. Then put the form inside the bag.”

“Sounds easy enough, think I can handle it?”

“I’m sure you will be great,” Clarke tells her and smiles briefly. She just wants to get this over with to move on to the kick off of camp. There’s worship followed by chapel so she asks, “you ready for worship?”

“Oh,” Lexa nods, “sure. I looked over the songbook a couple of times. Do you have a specific song you would like me to play?”

She shakes her head as they continue to work. “Thank you for playing something different earlier. I could hear you as I walked past.”

Lexa finishes the last of her forms and grabs more, “of course. I mean, I didn't know otherwise I would never.”

“Do you have any camp experience?”

“When I was little I attended camp.” Lexa tells her with a nostalgic tone to her voice, and then stands up. “I gotta go set up, but did you want to help me with worship today?”

Finn never asked her to help. He was obligated to ask the kids to assist but he never asked Clarke or another staff member. She’s surprised, again, and finds that she likes the feeling of being asked. She says, “yeah, that’d be nice. Should we practice?”

“If you want to walk with me to the chapel we can run the songs a couple of times.”

“Okay, I don't have to give these to the doctor just yet,” she raises the bag in her hand. Her smile is genuine, and again, she realizes that she is comfortable around this new staff member, even if she does spark a feeling within her she can’t quite place; intrigued could cover some of it, but not all. “Lead the way.”

On the way back to chapel they have a quick chat about their childhoods attending camp and Clarke learns that Lexa has always helped with the music growing up. She’s plays various instruments including the piano, the guitar, and the drums. Mostly self-taught, which is very impressive.

In the chapel, there are already a couple of kids who had signed up at registration to help with service on the first day. Lexa introduces herself quickly to these kids and they get to work on rehearsing the three songs that she selected for worship. Clarke is fascinated at how Lexa is so good with the children. Of course, it is a requirement to like kids to work at camp, but she’s amazing at engaging them and keeping their attention as well as teaching the music without overwhelming them.

The official kickoff happens without a glitch. Lexa is terrific at leading the worship and Clarke finds herself excited that there’s someone else to take care of that instead of Finn. Not that she doesn’t think he was good at it, but just that she is _so_ good at it. She feels bad to think this way, but makes a mental note to find a way to introduce them to each other as she truly believes Finn would enjoy jamming with Lexa.

Next thing she knows, it’s lights out of the first day and she realizes that there is nowhere else she’d rather have been that day. This is her calling.

* * *

**Week 2 -**

A week later and Clarke finds herself in the cafeteria for breakfast. Tuesdays are her favorite breakfast days because they have pancakes. She’s sitting down, smearing strawberry jam on her pancake when Lexa sits next to her.

“ _T_ _hat’s_ gross,” she smiles to indicate she is kidding and says “good morning, Clarke." 

Since the first day of camp, Clarke has been strangely interested in Lexa. She's not sure what to call the 'attraction' she feels for the other woman, but she's been easy-going and fun to talk to and hang out with. It's was weird at first without Finn but Lexa's been very nice to her and with the other staff and millions of responsibilities Clarke has as girl's director, she barely has time to miss him.

Lexa's still standing with a tray of food, so Clarke asks, "are you sitting?"

She does, on the chair next to Clarke's, and greets her again, "hello, how's your morning going?"

Clarke shrugs, "not a lot has happened - it's still 6:30."

"Do you always eat your pancakes with strawberry jam?"

Clarke glances at Lexa's plate and comments, "a purist, I see. Maple syrup is so overrated. Are you Canadian?" She raises an eyebrow as a challenge and Lexa laughs, taking a bite of her pancake to her mouth. Clarke watches as some maple syrup glazes over Lexa's lip. She licks it to clean and Clarke finds herself watching intently. When she realizes what she's doing she shakes her head and goes back to eating; what's wrong with her?

Lexa responds, "I'm not, but I thought the Blake siblings are? They know that you don't like Canadians?"

She laughs too, "please. I don't like those two but for other reasons."

Lexa gasps exaggeratedly, then shifts gears, "Hey! Do you want to help with worship today?" Lexa smiles as she asks and her smile brightens up the cafeteria. Clarke's surprised that it can be so obnoxiously bright - how does she manage it? She continues, "some of the kids asked if you could sing again, they loved your voice."

Clarke blushes, not expecting that, "oh they did?"

"Yeah," Lexa comments. "You're a pretty good singer, Griff."

"Thanks - yeah, I'll help."

Lexa makes a celebratory noise which makes Clarke smile and then tells her, "okay. Well, I sorta inhaled my pancakes and I gotta go get everything set up, but I'll see you soon?"

Clarke nods, "thanks for keeping me company."

"No problem, thanks for letting me join ya." Lexa's off with that. Clarke watches her go. She places her used plate in the designated bin, the tray on the one next to it, and then turns toward the exit. Lexa's eyes catch Clarke, so she averts her eye. She can't believe Lexa caught her staring, even if it was innocent enough. Slowly, she turns back toward where Lexa was and watches as she meets with some of the other band members. They were just walking in the cafeteria as she was walking out. They talk for a bit and then part ways, Lexa probably on her way to the chapel and the two guys to the food line.

She needs to stop paying attention to what Lexa's doing. She's being weird, and she knows it, and she's sure that Lexa's too polite to say anything but the creepiness from Clarke's part has to end.

Soon after, she's following in Lexa's earlier footsteps: the plate in one bin, the tray in another, her used fork in a third one, and the cup she used in the last. She goes out the same way Lexa did, following the beaten path that leads to the chapel.

Before she goes in she calls Finn, as she does each morning after breakfast. He's usually still asleep (or so she has told herself) so she leaves a voicemail wishing him a good morning, letting him know she misses him, and reminding him that she loves him.

While she's talking to Finn's voicemail, she can hear the sounds of the out-of-tune piano filtering out. At least this time it's a Christian song - so Lexa's learned from the first day. She hangs up and heads inside the chapel, Lexa's head snapping up at the sound of the creaking door. If possible, her smile is bigger now than it was over breakfast.

"Hey, am I early?" Clarke says looking around.

"A little, we only go over the songs at 7:30 and it's..." Lexa checks her watch, "7:10 so... I mean, the guys will literally only be here at 7:30."

 "Ah," Clarke says. She approaches the piano and sits on the bench next to Lexa, facing out. "Sorry for interrupting your moment alone."

Lexa shakes her head and keeps playing a few notes and chords here and there as she speaks, "no worries, I just - you know, idle hands... I can't help it."

"Why do you keep using this old piano?" Clarke asks. It's intriguing really because she can see that Lexa's already hooked up the keyboard, and they have a perfectly good, newer piano on the other side of the altar. 

The question doesn't interrupt Lexa's fluid playing, she simply smirks, "it reminds me of the one at my old church... it feels like home."

"Really?" Clarke questions, she tilts her head and pushes, "is that how you learned to play? At church, I mean?"

"Yeah, the old pianist at my church once caught me after service messing around and she said I had good fingers for piano so I guess after that I just stuck with it. She taught me until I was 15 when she died."

Clarke's eyebrows raise, "oh, sorry about that."

"It's okay, you know?" Lexa says, changing songs mid-way, "she was old but -" she stops talking, faces Clarke and smiles, "it's nothing."

She's really trying not to overstep but Lexa's playing is effortless. She makes it seem like she's doing something as easy as stealing candy from a child, and Clarke knows the piano is not an easy instrument. "What's your favorite thing to play?" she finds herself asking, curiosity getting the best of her. At this question, Lexa laughs. Clarke asks, "what?"

After a careful look, Lexa responds, "if I show you, you'll admonish me." She smiles again, and for the  _n_ th time Clarke's stomach flips when she does. Why does that keep happening? Throughout the week, whenever they've hung out together, Clarke always reacted to Lexa's smile. Her voice also did things to her but it's strange because they are feelings - things she's never felt for anyone else. She's ignored them okay for most part, and she has written them off as a friendly thing, but it keeps happening more and more and more intensely.

"You can show me," Clarke whispers. It surprises her. Lexa's obviously surprised too because her eyes get big, her mouth forms an 'o' and her eyebrows shoot up. She takes a minute but then decides to take her chance and begins playing a song Clarke immediately recognizes. "Really?  _A Thousand Miles_?"

Lexa grins and then switches songs effortlessly, this time playing something Clarke doesn't know. She doesn't say or sing anything but keeps playing the most beautiful piano melody. 

"What's this?"

"I guess I shouldn't be shocked you don't know John Legend."

"I know him alright. Doesn't he sing that song..."

"You're probably thinking of _All of Me_."

Clarke ah ha's, "yes! That's it. What's this called?"

" _Ordinary People._ " Lexa transitions to another song, "this is Billy Joel's  _Piano Man_." After a few measures of that she transitions, "Sara Bareilles'  _She Used to Be Mine_..." They're all beautiful songs, all secular apparently. Lexa smiles softly, "I mean, Sara has so many good piano pieces." She changes songs halfway. " _Love Song_."

Clarke exclaims, "I know this one!  _I'm not gonna write you a love song..._ " she sings when Lexa reaches the chorus. They smile at each other, enjoying the moment of fun. 

"Do you know Elton John's _Tiny Dancer_?" Lexa changes songs again, Clarke shakes her head but listens intently. "Damn it, woman! This is a classic."

The cuss word shocks Clarke. Of course she's heard cussing before but not ever at camp like this, _in the chapel_. She realizes it doesn't bother her that much, it mostly makes the fuzzy feelings for Lexa stronger.

Lexa breaks her thinking, "I'm sure you know  _Your_ _Song_..." Clarke makes a thinking face, waits a few beats and confirms that no. " _Bennie and the Jets?!_ " Another shake.

And in this moment, the door bursts open and her band mates show up in a hurry. "Sorry, Lexa! Jasper got distracted on our way -"

Clarke pulls away from Lexa, only realizing then how close she was to the pianist. She gets up and puts distance between her and the piano. Lexa smiles at them, "Oh, it's okay, guys. We're doing songs we've already played this week."

Monty picks up the acoustic guitar laying on the stage and greets Clarke, "hey, you helping out today?"

"Yeah!" She sounds too excited. She can't help the overcompensating although she doesn't know what she's trying to convince them of. Lexa looks at her with an amused face, "I'm excited!"

Jasper chuckles as he straps the bass, "we can tell."

"Is Octavia coming?" Lexa asks.

Jasper tells her, "uh yeah, we ran into her and Lincoln talking just outside. She said she'll be right in."

"Okay," Lexa nods. "Let's get started with  _Bones._ "

* * *

**Week 3 -**

It's been a couple of days since Clarke's been able to talk to Finn. He seems to be avoiding her calls, honestly. She tried one last time that night before calling it a day, and she's tired of trying to reach out to him. That's totally fine if he doesn't want to talk, she just wishes he would tell her. 

She also wonders if he misses her or camp at all.

He probably doesn't.

She's sitting out on her cabin's porch because it's a nice summer day out and she has had a long day. It had started out relatively slow, but by midday, three girls had already been hurt, one young boy threw up on a fourth girl, and she knew the day was doomed. 

The other staff are probably playing soccer or volley in the gym but Clarke's tired and more physical activity is the last thing she wants right now. She wants to sit here and breathe and maybe read the Max Lucado book she has with her. It's next to her but she hasn't opened it yet. 

"Hey," someone says, and Clarke's pleased to see that it's Lexa. 

"Hi," Clarke smiles. The butterflies return with force. Ever since the morning at the piano, Clarke's come to realize that Lexa gives her the butterflies. It's not anything she's used to or can understand but she's sure it's a phase and it'll pass. "What are you doing here?"

Lexa shrugs and sits, hands in her sweats' pockets. "Do you mind if I sit?" She's already sitting so Clarke shakes her head no, but she wouldn't have minded anyway. With Lexa so close though her entire body reacts. She feels her hear pick up speed, she shivers - she ignores it. "I was on my way to the gym and saw you sitting here... you okay?"

"Oh." Clarke's surprised. She swipes a hand in front of her face, dismissing any problems, "Oh yeah, I'm totally fine. Thanks for checking though."

"No worries. Do you wanna go to the gym?"

Clarke shakes her head, "nah, I'm expecting a call."

Lexa purses her lips in thought then gets up to go, "okay, well..." she looks around then down and runs the front of her sneaker on the ground lifting up dirt, "you're sure you're okay, right?"

And maybe it's the way Lexa looks so sincerely concerned that has Clarke saying, "it's my fiance."

"Oh." Lexa's now surprised. She discloses, "I didn't realize you're engaged..." Clarke sees her checking her hands for a ring.

Clarke says, "you won't find the ring. I leave it back at home when at camp." 

Lexa sits back down, finally pulls her hands out of her pockets to lean back on them. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Finn?"

"Finn's your fiance?" Lexa asks, making the connection. "Well  _that_ explains why you'd be so upset he quit..." She grimaces, "sorry. I had no idea when your father invited me."

Clarke dismisses it again. "Where do you know my dad from again?"

Lexa stretches her legs in front of her and as she does so her shirt rises up. Clarke catches herself staring until she realizes Lexa's noticed and averts her eyes. "He and I met at a coffee shop I sometimes like to go play the piano."

"Of course."

"He approached me and told me what he did and asked if I would help out."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"And you came?"

"Like I said, Clarke. I like being someone that kids can look up to."

Clarke's quiet. "We got lucky with you. You're amazing."

Lexa's humble, she shakes her head, "I'm lucky to be here. You know, if anything I feel like I've at least made a new friend."

The way Lexa says it so casually has Clarke grinning. "Are you talking about me?" 

"Duh," Lexa responds. She waits for a few seconds and then, "the fiance?"

She sighs, "right. Well. I'm pretty sure he's avoiding me. He'll probably break up with me soon."

"Oh yeah? How come?"

Clarke looks at Lexa, wonders how much she can say to her, and then finds herself opening up completely. 

She tells Lexa about her relationship with Finn. How she's always been uncertain about whether or not they were meant to be together. How she's prayed for years about the decision to get married to him and how she still doesn't know if God heard her at all. She explains how much her parents dislike him and how that's strained their relationship. Then she tells Lexa about the death of their friend Wells. Someone Clarke had known all her life, and someone Finn had learned to care about immensely after meeting; they had become like brothers. It was the last straw for them and now their relationship has been hanging on by a thread because Clarke wants to talk to Finn, to help him, and he continuously pushes her away. More so each day, and she's not sure what else to do.

"I was there," Clarke reveals. "I was with Wells when he just - like, dropped. Finn's never been able to understand that and he's just been so angry at me, himself, God, the world - nothing can quite bring him back." She doesn't cry anymore. It happened ten months ago now and she's still sad about it - it's shattered her many times over - but she's spent all her tears, and she leans on her faith a lot. "He's so angry."

Lexa blows air out, "that's... intense."

She doesn't know what to say, it seems. Clarke tells her, "yeah. You don't have to get it or anything. I've just been stressed."

Her companion doesn't back down though, she says, "I do get it, actually. I know what it's like to lose someone. I know the pain," she smiles briefly. It's not a real smile, it's coated in pain.

Clarke narrows her eyes at Lexa. She wants to know more, and Lexa seems like she wants to share more, but she stays quiet and waits for the question. "Who did you lose?"

When Lexa looks at her, Clarke's afraid. She knows what will come out of her mouth next and it makes her nervous. "My girlfriend. Her name was Costia."

Her mind is spinning. She knew that Lexa was going to say this, but she still wasn't prepared. So many thoughts are spinning through her head now. A girlfriend. A girl. Lexa's... gay? Yes, Clarke realizes that Lexa's gay if she had a girlfriend. A dead girlfriend. Dead. That must be awful. It's terrible to go through losing someone you love, regardless of gender. She tries to push away the thoughts she's having about Lexa being... a lesbian and tries to be comforting. "I -"

"It's okay, Clarke. You  _can_ react. You didn't know."

Clarke feels the shame creep up her face. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to be awkward." Her hair covers her face as she tries to compute what Lexa's just told her. All of a sudden Clarke feels dirty. Not because of Lexa being gay but because of her reaction. 

"I'm used to it, especially around people like you," Lexa says easily.

"People like me?" Clarke's almost affronted by the comment.

Lexa runs her hands over her sweats. Is she nervous? "You know... goody two-shoes Christians? Have you ever broken a rule, Clarke?" Lexa chuckles.

The audacity of this girl! "Yes! For example, the fiance that my parents hate."

Lexa hums to herself and stands, "I pray that you can work out your situation with Finn, Clarke. I'm sorry that it's the way it is right now."

She stands too, "where are you going?" She asks as Lexa's already retreating back to where her cabin is.

"Early morning tomorrow!" Lexa shouts over her shoulder. "See you at worship!"

* * *

**Week 4 -**

Obviously, all that Clarke has been able to think about since the night on her porch is Lexa. And the fact that Lexa has had a  _girlfriend_ in the past, and that said girlfriend is dead. The information and being so busy at camp all the time (with the exception of her first off day coming up), almost made her forget about Finn. 

It's been a week since that night and they haven't really followed-up on that conversation. Clarke's curious, she wants to know more, but she's confused. She wishes she knew what to say or do, how to react, but all her life she's heard from others that being gay is a sin. How is this girl even working here, at a church camp, and just openly talks about dating another girl?

Clarke's not really sure how to feel, except it's all she thinks about and the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes how she wants to know more about it.

She's even confusing herself. 

Still, just because she can't think about it doesn't mean she'll approach Lexa about it. In fact, one may say that she has kind of, sort of, maybe been avoiding Lexa. She doesn't hate the girl, she just - doesn't know what to say. 

On her way out of her mother's first aid after dropping off the second child that morning, Clarke gets a phone call. Her phone is ringing, and it's Finn's ringtone. "Hello?" She picks up immediately and diverts her way to find a secluded enough place. There's a bench in front of the gazebo on this area and she sits.

"Hey," Finn says. "How are you, Clarke? How's camp?" He sounds good, happy even. He sounds... fine.

She closes her eyes, "I'm fine, Finn. How have you been? You haven't answered any of my calls for the last month. You don't text back..."

On the other end of the line he sighs and apologizes, "sorry. Just - trying to make sense of things."

"Right."

"Can I come see you on your day off? We have to talk."

He's coming up to break up with her, she knows. She has been dreading this call for a long time now. "Sure. I'll be expecting you."

"Have a good day, Clarke."

He hangs up. Clarke sits there with her phone in her hands, contemplating what she'll do when they do end their relationship. Her parents will be very happy at the least. They may throw a party.

"Rough day?" That voice. The butterflies. Clarke turns. Those eyes. Recently Clarke's noticed how green they are - not that she cares. She nods at Lexa who sits on the bench next to her. "Finn?"

Clarke nods, "he wants to come up on my day off. To 'talk'." She makes air quotes.

"Ah," Lexa muses. "You nervous?"

"He's going to break up with me."

"So are you nervous? How are you feeling about it all?"

"I'm not sure, honestly. I guess I am afraid."

Lexa leans back and thinks before saying, "his loss, you know?"

Clarke gets that Lexa's trying to make her feel better but she can't help but want to defend him. She loves him - she's not in love with him, she doesn't think, not anymore anyway - and he's a good guy, he doesn't deserve his pain. "I - thank you, but I - he's a good guy," she tells Lexa. 

"Are you engaged to him because he's a good guy or because you're in love?" Lexa's coming at it with the hard questions. 

Her immediate reaction is to want to shut down, get defensive. Who gives her the right? But Lexa's making a good point. She doesn't reply. They sit in silence for a few minutes, Clarke hoping that Lexa doesn't bring up their last conversation.

She eventually says, "you've been avoiding me."

It hurts to look at Lexa's face when she says that, so Clarke looks at her own hands, checks the time on her phone. She doesn't want to admit it because if she does it will be true; she wasn't avoiding, she just didn't have time? When she says that Lexa gives her a disbelieving look and scoffs. 

"That's lowkey bullshit and you know it," Lexa asserts.

"Lexa! Language!" Clarke reprimands. "If there are kids around and they hear you we'll be in a lot of trouble!"

"No, not 'we.' Iwill be in a lot of trouble but it's fine... so, back to the topic."

Clarke rolls her eyes, annoyed. "We don't have to do this, you know?"

Lexa asks, "do what?"

Clarke motions between their bodies, "This." 

"Still not following?"

"I don't - I'm not avoiding you, okay?" She tries again. "I've just been busy, there's never enough time to hang out with anyone and - "

"Okay." Lexa stands. "I'm going to go practice for evening worship."

Clarke stands too and grips her wrist before she walks away, "wait. Don't - I -"

"Don't worry, Clarke. I'm fine, okay?" She gives Clarke the nicest look before releasing Clarke's hold off her and leaving her alone.

* * *

**Week 5 -**

She's been thinking about her past two interactions with Lexa for the last week so much that it's Saturday and she forgot Finn was coming. She is quite literally staring at Lexa with curiosity ( _longing_ ) in her eyes as Lexa helps Octavia move a table from one side of the gym to the other - the both of them playing around and laughing, Lexa's curly hair wild - when Finn approaches from behind.

"Hey, Clarke." He says, turning her around into a hug. "I missed you." So apparently he did miss her.

She hugs him back and then pulls away, willing herself to stop thinking about Lexa and wondering if maybe she is watching. "Hi, I'm glad you're here." That's a lie she realizes once it's out of her mouth. She grimaces and tries again, "How was your drive?"

He grabs her by the hand and starts walking them toward the lake. The lake is at the edge of the campsite and there's a dock that they would hang out every summer when they worked together. They would swing their legs over the water and flirt and play around. Sometimes Finn would bring his guitar and serenade Clarke. 

"The drive was fine," he informs her. He laces their fingers together and she looks up at his profile, "how's camp going? The kids giving you any trouble?"

She giggles a bit and tells him, "of course." 

It's quiet again as they walk. Clarke sighs and Finn shakes his head, "Clarke."

"What is happening, Finn? I need to know where we stand."

They stop right past the bushes that hide the lake from sight. There are tall pine trees and other kinds of gorgeous trees, and bushes and grass. He looks upset, "I think you know what's happening."

"So why can't you say it?" 

"Because I love you and this breaks my heart," he replies honestly. He takes her other hand and they face each other, toe to toe, "I love you and I have to let you go." He sniffles and by now Clarke is crying actual tears but she can't believe it's really happening.

She doesn't know what to say. Her emotions are conflicted. She isn't in love with him and the break up is a relief, but she loves him and she doesn't know how to be without him. "I -" She sobs, "I love you." She wraps her arms around his neck, he holds her tight. "I want to do more for you."

"Aw, Clarke. You've done so much for me. This is me doing something for you." He pulls away, holding her face gently, "I wish you the best." He kisses her forehead with emotion and steps back. "So, how's my replacement?"

Clarke thinks of Lexa, how she's sweet and kind (and  _gay_ ) and beautiful, and talented. She obviously can't voice any of that and even worse she feels like she's already cheated on Finn. But why? They haven't done anything! "Uh," she stutters. "She's  _very_ talented. In fact, I think you guys could be friends."

They still hold hands. "Maybe some other time you can introduce me." He starts guiding them back. "I have to drive back. Work..."

"Oh," Clarke says. She's sad that he's already leaving. "We'll talk soon, right? This isn't the end of our friendship?"

He laughs, "of course not." They get to his truck and Clarke exhales. "I need some time, but I'll call you after camp and we can meet."

She nods. Behind Finn, Clarke sees Lexa and Bellamy carrying another table. She wonders if they've been doing that all morning. Her mind is all over the place; she's torn. She's been thinking. And Lexa's the only constant thought featured in her mind. "Okay. We'll hang." She smiles and softly punches him on the arm. "Go. I'll be okay."

"You're sure?" He questions. He opens the truck's door and gets in. She closes it behind him and leans on the window, nodding. "Come here." He pulls her by the neck and kisses her softly on the lips. It's closed-mouth, just a good-bye kiss. "Bye."

"Bye," she waves him off. After the truck drives off, Clarke stands there watching until it disappears past the camp's main entrance. She breathes in deeply, turns around and thinks about what to do on her day off. She watches the movement. There's a dance happening in the gym later that night. A hoedown. She's off but she will probably attend since the hoedown is her favorite day at camp. 

Her mother passes by with a box. Lexa catches it right as it's about to fall and helps Abby carry it the rest of the way. Why is she like that? How is she so nice?

Clarke begins walking to her dad's office where she finds him hunched over his Bible, probably writing the service message of that evening. They have service twice a day and he is constantly reading and writing and reflecting. She sits on the chair in front of him and slouches. He smiles still looking at the book, "Hey, honey. To what can I owe this visit?" He puts down the pen and looks at her. 

"You will be happy to hear that Finn and I broke up," she tells him.

His face blanks. He tilts his head, realizing she's been crying. "Sweetie, are you alright?"

She thinks, looks up at the ceiling, "yeah. I'll be okay."

"Is Finn okay?" Her dad asks.

"He'll be fine."

Her dad looks at her with compassion, "he is a great guy... You do deserve to be happy though."

"Thanks, dad. You need any help around here?"

"No, but you can always check in with your mom." He smiles and she smiles back. "I love you," he tells her as she's getting up to go. He stands and she comes to him. He wraps her up and she feels like a little kid again. 

"Love you, too," she mumbles into his chest. "I'm not gonna ask mom. She always has a job for me and it's my day off." Her dad laughs as she leaves the office.

* * *

Her day off was nice, if you ignore the breakup. She went into the next town over and bought some stuff at a small vintage store. She saw a necklace her mother will like, and ended up getting herself some retro sunglasses. She walked into a music store after, mindlessly. She didn't intent to, it just happened. Then, it just happened that she ended up buying an extra thing on impulse and it's for Lexa and she's been second guessing herself about whether she should give it to her or not all day. 

She's sitting at the staff table at the hoedown. She's in a plaid red shirt, jeans, and brown cowboy boots. Her hair is in braided pigtails, and she has a cowgirl hat on. Octavia passes by and drops a tea in front of her with a wink. She thanks her and begins sipping on it. 

Bellamy sits. He's already sweating from dancing with all the girls. "Hey, Clarke," he says in that deep voice. "How was your day off?"

"Eh," she tells him. I mean, it had its ups and downs. Certainly, breaking up can take a toll on a person. "Finn and I broke up."

"You guys called off the engagement?!" He asks in surprise. "Dude, I'm sorry. You should dance - shake it off."

"It was for the best, you know," she assures him with a shrug to dismiss the topic. "I'll be okay," she says for the second time that day. 

Bellamy stands anyway and extends his hand, "come on." He tilts his head to where the kids are dancing to some fiddle music. "The kids will be so excited if you come dance with us." She stares at him for a minute and decides what the heck. She takes his hand and he helps her up. He walks her to the middle of the room and begins leading her in the line dance that everyone knows. Clarke's a pro at it. She does every step as she should, hitting all her marks. Some young boys and girls gather around the two directors to dance with them. 

The mob is sliding to the other side when Clarke catches Lexa watching. Lexa's sitting on a table talking to Octavia and Jasper. They'd probably been talking music, but now it seems that Octavia and Jasper are having a side conversation while Lexa listens. Except she's not listening. She's watching Clarke. She smiles, that blinding smile, tilts her hat at Clarke - Clarke's heart goes  _boom_ \- and then focuses back on the conversation.

The room suddenly gets too hot for any more line dancing so Clarke grabs her tea and slips out the door to the summer air outside. It's hot out here too, but there's more room. She sits on the steps and chugs her tea. 

Not long after, Lexa's sitting next to her. "I feel like I always join you."

"What?" Clarke asks, eyes narrowing, voice tense.

"You're always sitting, moping, and I end up coming to you, joining you."

Clarke thinks. She's right. "Oh, well, no one's asking you to." She doesn't mean to be rude, she's just confused. 

Lexa removes the hat and places next to her. "I know, Clarke." She says. They stay quiet for a moment.

Sighing, Clarke discloses, "Finn and I broke up. I'm sorry."

Lexa nods and bites the inside of her mouth. "No need to apologize. I saw you talking to a shaggy-haired boy earlier today. I figured that's who that was. You okay?"

Clarke doesn't want to cringe at hearing that question again, but she does. She supposes she will for a while after the break up. She told her father and Bellamy that she will be okay, and she thinks she will, but Lexa always manages to get the truth out of her without really forcing it. "I'm not sure how I feel."

"Yeah," Lexa agrees. "Sounds about right."

"Yeah." They're quiet once again, and it happens a lot between the two of them. The problem with silence is that it begs to be filled so Clarke says, "I got you something." She regrets instantly, she feels stupid, but she's already said it and it would be even weirder not to go through with it now.

Lexa's visibly surprised. "You did?" 

Yup. This is embarrassing. "It's nothing big, don't get excited. I left it in my cabin, want to go get it with me?"

"Sure," Lexa responds. She places the hat back on her head and stands, extending her hand the same way Bellamy had earlier. This time when Clarke places her hand on the invitation, she gets the goosebumps. Her head spins and she trips right into Lexa. The girl catches her, chuckling, and jokes, "what'd you have in that cup, Clarke?"

Clarke blushes and excuses herself, apologizes profusely, and throws the cup of tea in the trash bin next to them. Lexa continues to laugh but Clarke throws her a dirty look and she shuts up after that. 

They begin walking side by side to Clarke's cabin. She's retelling her day - starting with the fateful breakup, then deciding she needed to go therapy shopping. Lexa really listens, hums at the appropriate times, and answers Clarke's questions dutifully when she asks things. 

They reach the cabin and Clarke asks Lexa to wait on the porch. Lexa does. Clarke goes inside and looks for the bag from the store. When she comes back out, Lexa's sitting on the steps, much like she had a few nights ago. 

Clarke sits too. "Here. This - I got this for you." She hands over the bag and Lexa irks an eyebrow at the feel of it. "I was in town and went in the music store... I bought it on impulse."

Lexa pulls out the songbook from inside the bag and her eyes go wide. "Clarke, what?! Elton John's _Greatest Hits_?" she looks over at her and Clarke again feels her body react. Her eyes carry so much in them, and Clarke feels a pull toward them. "This... is awesome! You didn't have to." Lexa hugs her in excitement then lets go and continues to observe the songbook, while Clarke is now focused on the hug. It's the first time Lexa gives her a hug. She smells delicious too. Clarke doesn't know what that smell is but boy, does she smell good. "You - I gotta play some of these right now."

"I'm sure you already know all these songs, or you already have this..."

"No," Lexa assures her. She stands and grabs Clarke by the hand, pulling her in the direction of the chapel. This half of the camp is dark because everyone else is assumed to be at the dance. Lexa must not realize how Clarke feels about them still holding hands, but she's so excited, walking so fast, Clarke doesn't have the heart to pull away. She also  _really_ likes the way Lexa's hand feels around hers. 

They eventually have to let go when they get to the chapel to open the door. They sneak in, although sneak is not the right word, since there's no one around. Lexa goes straight for the out of tune piano while Clarke turns on the lights at the front of the chapel. She keeps staring as Lexa settles to play, she can't help it that she's so attracted to everything she does.

Lexa grins back at her and begins with the first song, "do you know this one? _Don't Go Breaking My Heart_?"

"Somehow, yes I do." Clarke responds, a worried look. When she gets what Lexa's trying to get her to do she almost panics, "No, I'm not singing with you!"

"Come on," Lexa coaxes,"It'll be hard to sing both parts of the duet, Clarke." Lexa's still playing an introduction, over and over to try to convince Clarke to join her.

The groove of the melody almost convinces Clarke, but she shakes her head no still so Lexa relents, "fine," she rolls her eyes and flips the pages. She transitions to another song and begins. " _Don't wish it away / don't look at it like it's forever / between you and me / I could honestly say that things can only get better."_

Lexa calls her over with a head nod and Clarke can't help it. Clarke is captivated by the personal performance. She slowly walks up to the piano and instead of sitting next to Lexa, she leans on the piano lid, chin in her hands. She's entirely too interested in what's happening but she can't bring herself to care or worry about it. Lexa continues,"

_And while I'm away_  
_Dust out the demons inside_  
_And it won't be long before you and me run_  
_To the place in our hearts where we hide_

_And I guess that's why they call it the blues_  
_Time on my hands could be time spent with you_  
_Laughing like children, living like lovers_  
_Rolling like thunder under the covers_  
_And I guess that's why they call it the blues_

Lexa's voice is soft but strong. Clarke's heard her sing before when she leads worship, but this time feels different. Lexa's tone has a rare quality and Clarke appreciates the emotion Lexa puts into the singing. It doesn't hurt that Lexa looks beautiful in the dim lighting of the chapel. Her shirts' sleeves are rolled up to her elbows, and the movement that she makes while playing is very distracting. That vein popping on her neck is another distraction Clarke keeps going back to; she wants to touch it. 

Clarke comes closer and ends up sitting next to Lexa.

Lexa looks at her and then dips her eyes back to the keys on the piano and Clarke watches as her entire face flushes. Is Lexa embarrassed? She's so good! Clarke is lucky to be here right now. The last notes of the song ring out but Lexa keeps her hands on placed over the keys. She gulps and then turns to Clarke again. "I love it, Clarke. Thank you."

Now Clarke feels like she's blushing. Her cheeks and ears burn. Her eyes dip to Lexa's red - have they always been this red? - lips. She snaps out of it and whispers, "you're welcome. Wow, you're amazing." It all comes out in one breath. She's hoping someone comes in to save her, to ruin this moment, to stop whatever it is that's happening.

Lexa shakes her head, "oh, no. I'm pretty average."

Clarke laughs quietly, " _bullshit_."

Lexa exclaims, "woah!" But then she smiles so big Clarke thinks she can literally die happy right now. Lexa leans in with a taunting smirk, "why, Ms. Griffin, if the kids hear that potty mouth of yours."

Clarke laughs louder this time and slaps Lexa on the shoulder, "oh, shut up.  _You_ influenced me." She narrows her eyes, "you're _bad_."

She wants someone to ruin this moment but she also doesn't, really doesn't. Although she still doesn't know what to name it, how to qualify it. They're looking at each other still in that proximity when Lexa breaks the connection. She looks away and begins flipping the songbook again. "Here's  _Crocodile Rock_ ," she says, picking up the song right at the chorus. " _La lalalala la lalalala la lalalala la!_ " Her expression is goofy as she plays the song. It causes Clarke to stand back up but she's laughing, and Clarke likes laughing with Lexa.

* * *

**Week 6 -**

After the night in the chapel, Clarke's having a hard time ignoring what she's been feeling for a while. It's not that she can help it. But it's bad, so she continues to force it down, deep down, as deep and as down as it can go. Lexa is charming, and she's smart, and she's gorgeous, and every time Clarke is hanging out with her, even in a large group of people, Clarke spends the entire time after analyzing their every interaction. 

She's not crazy. Something was happening in that chapel. And maybe the tea  _had been spiked_ (doubtful) but Clarke is not that oblivious.

The staff made a fire after their Friday evening meeting. The kids are all already in bed. It's long past lights out and the staff have a secluded place (conveniently behind Lexa's cabin; hers is the last in the area) where they can have a fire, talk, and sing songs. Christian songs, obviously. Lexa and Monty are playing the guitar, Jasper is playing an acoustic bass, and Octavia is banging on a cajon. They're all singing along to some campfire songs and Clarke is unable to look away from Lexa. 

Every so often Lexa's eyes land on Clarke's but she keeps singing unfazed. Clarke's shook to the core every time.

It's past one in the morning when everyone else starts to file out to their own cabins. Octavia and Lincoln leave together, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Bellamy, Monty and Jasper follow behind. Soon after they leave, the rest of the staff disappear and for some reason Clarke hasn't left. They're friends, it's not weird, right? But Clarke's weird.

She's still sitting on her log, elbows on her knees. Lexa continues to pluck the guitar softly.

Clarke starts the conversation. "I'm sorry." She says.

Lexa questions, "sorry?"

Clarke doesn't know if she is asking her to elaborate because she doesn't know why Clarke would be apologizing or to repeat because she didn't hear her, but she continues on, "for my reaction when you... that night that..." she still struggles to talk about it.

"Ah," Lexa catches on. "When I came out to you."

The words make Clarke fumble even more. She's so nervous because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship. She looks down then back at Lexa. The fire is dimming but it's still bright enough to see each other's faces. "Yes, when you came out. I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you think I don't accept you or antyhing..."

"Cool." Lexa says.

"That's it?" Clarke wishes Lexa would have said more! It would make this easier.

"That's it."

"I thought you were upset about it. You accused me of avoiding you," Clarke reminds her.

Lexa chuckles and sets the guitar down next to her. "You _were_ avoiding me," Lexa reminds Clarke back. She comes over and sits next to Clarke. "But I get it."

"You do?"

"Sure I do," Lexa tells her easily enough. "I had enough time to get used to the idea; you had enough time hearing negative things about it."

That's exactly right, Clarke thinks. It sucks that that's how she grew up because she now wishes she had been better about the entire thing. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Lexa nods.

Clarke doesn't want to dance around it because then she'll lose her courage and she wants to know. "How did you know?"

"Well," Lexa begins. She doesn't seem at all shocked that that's the question Clarke was going to throw at her. "I fell in love with Costia."

The explanation makes Clarke 'ah' in response. She thinks for a minute and then asks, "can you tell me a bit about her?"

Lexa breathes out loudly and gets up to pick up her guitar again. She begins strumming some song Clarke doesn't recognize and asks back, "what would you like to know?"

So much. She wants to know everything. She wants to know how they met, how they started dating, who asked who out, how long they dated, were they happy, did they have a hard time, how did she die. She doesn't voice any of those though. "What was she like?"

The look that overtakes Lexa morphs from sadness to pride then something Clarke can't quite place from experience but if she had to guess she would call it love. "I mean, the girl was a firecracker," Lexa smiles. "She was beautiful, too. She had smooth, tan skin and the darkest eyes I've ever looked into." She looks up at Clarke and then suddenly. "Wait here!" Lexa settles the guitar again and runs off.

Clarke's startled at Lexa's sudden departure. She did ask her to wait so she does but it takes a while before Lexa's back and she worries if she decided to ditch the entire conversation. 

Lexa's back carrying a cooler. It's small enough but it looks heavy. "What's that?" Clarke asks, concern raising as she realizes that Lexa's smirking. That's never a good sign. The girl is trouble.

When Lexa opens the cooler Clarke recognizes the drinks inside as "Beer?!" Clarke asks. "Lexa, what the hell!" She's whisper-yelling, arms stretched out. "You're killing me here." She places a hand over her eyes. "How did you even - you can't  _smuggle_ alcohol into  _church camp_ , Lexa! It's in the handbook." Her panic makes Lexa chuckle. "Oh you think this is funny...!" 

She doesn't disagree. She sits there, grabs a can and opens the top. "You've never had a beer?"

Clarke looks at Lexa with the most annoyed look she can pull. But answers honestly, "of course I've had a beer. I just - there are kids here, Lexa!"

"They're all asleep," Lexa responds casually.

"If the other staff realize -"

"You're not going to tell them, are you?" Lexa challenges. Clarke rolls her eyes and comes closer, shaking her head. "Didn't think so. Here - take one. Live a little, Clarke."

Clarke stares at the drink like it could possibly set of an alarm if she grabs it. Lexa offers again. She waits. Clarke takes it and opens it. The gulp she takes is refreshing and exactly what she needs going into the last three weeks of camp. "Lexa," Clarke starts, "this is a terrible idea."

"Uh uh," Lexa stops her. "Just enjoy it."

This is terrible, she repeats to herself. It's terrible but it's welcome and it relaxes her. 

"Anyway," Lexa brings back the topic. She looks solemn now, completely different than not even a second before. "Costia and I met in middle school. It's  _so_ cliche, really, how we started dating."

Clarke nudges Lexa with her foot to keep her talking and smiles reassuringly. "I probably won't think it's cliche."

For the first time since Clarke's met Lexa she actually looks vulnerable. Scared, maybe. That Clarke will betray her trust? That she will hurt her? Clarke does her best to share a disarming, encouraging smile. Lexa nods and says, "we were instant best friends. We were in the same music class in... 7th grade?"

"Did you play the recorder?" Clarke asks with a playful tone.

Lexa nods excitedly, what seems like tears threatening to spill. She runs a hand over her eyes, breathes deeply. Clarke wants to reach out and comfort her. This must hurt. She marches on, a smile on her face now, "Yeah! I mean, Costia was  _so much better_ at the recorder - like, no comparison."

"Yeah, I bet," Clarke giggles. 

Lexa keeps going, "yeah, so you know. We went through middle school and then high school. Sophomore year she came out to me. I -" Lexa shakes her head. "I liked her so much as a friend, so much but I didn't know how hurt I'd be when she started dating a girl from her Chemistry class." Lexa throws Clarke an eye-roll, "of all classes, right?" 

Clarke notes the irony with a scoff, "did you tell her?"

"Yeah. Eventually we started getting into fights all the time because I was jealous. Then she called me out on it. It was all very dramatic," she laughs. "Next thing I know they had broken up and I was ecstatic but didn't know what to do." She takes a gulp of her beer - it's long. She spills some when pulling the can away and wipes it off with the back of her hand. "One day she came over, we were fighting in my room, and bam - she kissed me. I -" Lexa stops to take a breath, closes her eyes, and says almost reverently, "I literally lost my breath. She fit like a key; everything made sense; my world started spinning right -" Lexa stops abruptly and stares at Clarke - "see, pretty cliche."

"I think it's romantic," Clarke admits. "And I think you're lucky to have had that." She says. It's rather obvious that she's referencing her own love history but this isn't about her. It's about Lexa. "Then you guys started dating?"

"Nooo," Lexa drags out. "I was young and scared. But the way I looked at her changed. She was more than my best friend."

"Skip to the good stuff," Clarke jokes. "When did you woman up and beg her to date you?"

"Ha, Prom  _Junior_ year."

"Geez!"

"Yeah, took a while."

"No kidding! You slow fool!" Clarke pushes Lexa playfully on the shoulder causing her to almost lose control of the beer in her hand.

Lexa goes, "hey! Watch the beer, we don't spill alcohol!" but they're both smiling and the atmosphere is no longer as heavy. "In my defense, the girl was _so_ pretty."

"But you were best friends! You knew each other."

"Yeah, but I don't know - I didn't think I had a shot."

"I don't believe that," Clarke shakes her head. "Costia must have known that you're special. You're beautiful." It comes out so quickly and so effortlessly that she only realizes what she's said when she looks back at Lexa and she's blushing. The reaction makes Clarke chug the rest of her drink. She tosses the can back into the cooler and picks up another.

Lexa watches with wide eyes. "Clarke," she sing-songs, "is that another beer?"

"Shut up." Clarke smiles. "I am going through a break up."

"Oh, of course." Lexa shrugs, grabbing a second one for herself. "We're going to be very screwed tomorrow."

Clarke stills before opening the can. Then she decides to throw caution to the wind. She never breaks the rules. She might as well do it with someone who she enjoys spending time with. "Are you backing out on me now, Lexa?"

They open their cans at the same time. "No," Lexa says, looking at Clarke over the drink she's chugging. "I never back down."

"We're for sure regretting this tomorrow." And they did. But it was worth it.

* * *

**Week 7 -**

It's talent show week and Lexa's been busy. She's everyone's piano player; the band is everyone's band. Mostly all the kids signed up so she's been practicing. She has almost every previously free slot of her day occupied now so Clarke hasn't been getting surprise visits after lights out at her cabin's porch, and Lexa's barely had time to eat so she doesn't join Clarke in the cafeteria for meals. She assumes Lexa's tired so she doesn't want to be annoying but the Saturday before Talent Show Sunday Clarke spends twenty minutes looking for Lexa until she finally finds her hiding away at the dock.

"You found my spot," Clarke says as a greeting. It snaps Lexa's attention to her, and the way the sun is hitting her face makes her green eyes look magical. Clarke's drawn to them and even though she wants to be nearer, she doesn't want to intrude. "Can I sit?" Lexa motions for her to sit and attempts a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes. Clarke tells her, "this is where Finn and I used to come to get away too. Mostly to sneak some kisses but -" she has realized Lexa's quieter than usual, sad, somber. She can guess what the reason is. She wants her to feel comfortable to talk so she continues to offer information, "things can get overwhelming. You okay?"

She lets Lexa take her time, trying to be patient. It's never been her strong suit but she's trying. 

Lexa nods. Then she shakes her head. She says, "it's the anniversary of her death." She doesn't have to specify who 'her' is. Clarke knows. She immediately hates today because it means Lexa is upset and broken, and she just hates it.

"I'm sorry," she tells Lexa sincerely. 

"It's been 7 years and it still hurts like it happened yesterday." 

Clarke scoots closer. "I'm sure it does." She grabs Lexa's left hand and holds it tight. "I'm sure it does," she repeats because she doesn't know what else to say.

Lexa is staring at their hands, maybe in surprise, maybe in horror - Clarke can't tell, but she can't care because she wants to be someone Lexa can trust and lean on. "Yeah..." She looks out at the lake, closes her eyes, then opens them and looks at the sky, pulling in a deep breath. "I just-" she blows some air, "when does it get easier, you know?" She looks back at Clarke with expectant eyes, as if Clarke has all the answers.

She doesn't, so she shrugs. "I don't know. I know I will always hurt because of Wells and I wasn't in love with him. I can only imagine how you feel."

"I'm sorry to be such a downer today."

"No. None of that, missy." Clarke reassures her, running a thumb over the back of Lexa's hand. When did she start doing that? Why does it feel so normal? And why is she suddenly feeling jealous of a dead girl? She hates it that she is though because it's not fair to any of them, and it's incredibly wrong, and she - she shakes her head trying to interrupt her thought. "What can I do to help?"

Lexa closes her eyes again and leans on Clarke's shoulder. "You're doing it already. Thank you."

Her stomach flips on itself. Her mind goes fizz. But none of that matters at the moment. She pushes it all down and focuses on being sturdy for Lexa. Being a friend, being reliable. Being there.

After a few quiet minutes, Lexa speaks again, "how did you find me?" She lifts her head from Clarke's shoulder which makes Clarke miss her immediately. She sounds more composed now, so Clarke takes it as a good sign.

"I mean, I looked every where else. I know this camp like the back of my hand, so..."

"Did you want something?" Lexa asks, angling her body a bit to see Clarke better. She folds her left leg underneath her to be more comfortable.

Clarke shakes her head, "not really, I just missed you around." She shares a small smile with Lexa. "I got used to seeing your face every day and I hadn't in a couple so." She stops talking because now she's starting to sound desperate and she's anything but that. She knows she's blushing too because her face feels  _hot_. And Lexa looks so vulnerable and small, but at the same time so breathtaking. And this is an inappropriate time for a crush. Oh God, is that what this is? A crush? It makes sense, but it can't be true, it can't happen. It hits her like a freight train and she gasps when it does. Lexa tilts her head wondering what just happened but Clarke's now fumbling an excuse. She gets on her feet and tries to think of something. "I gotta go!" She blurts out. She doesn't even give Lexa time to say anything, or respond. She keeps rambling, "I just - I remembered my dad wants me to do something, uh, for the, the, uh the talent show tomorrow and I was supposed to do it earlier, now, like right now and I forgot so I'm here. I'm just gonna -" she throws a thumb over her shoulder to indicate she's leaving and does just that.

* * *

_Way to be a friend, Clarke._ But it's not her fault that she has a crush on Lexa! It's Lexa's fault she has a crush on Lexa! What is she supposed to do now? How is she supposed to be around when her crush is a living, breathing thing? How is she supposed to act with Lexa and pretend she  _doesn't_ have a crush on her?

If Clarke could explain how she feels right now she would probably describe as one enormous question mark. She's a walking question mark and nothing more. 

She sits at the back of the chapel for Talent Show Sunday and does so on purpose because she knows Lexa will be playing the entire show and she can't be that near to her. She could potentially spontaneously combust. 

The show is set to start in five minutes when someone radios her. It's her mother asking her to come backstage to help with something. She rolls her eyes. Even on the one event she isn't required to work, she has to work. 

Her mom did sound frantic so she rushes backstage. "We can't find Maggie and she is the first one to go on!" her mom is telling her as soon as she sees Clarke round the corner. 

Clarke immediately makes eye contact with Lexa. Lexa nods in greeting and Clarke waves quickly before telling her mom she'll go look for her.

The only place she can think of that Maggie would be is in her cabin and she hopes that's where she is otherwise she would be in a lot of trouble. Her gut is right. Maggie's just sitting on her bed, crying into her hands. "You okay?" Clarke questions softly. Maggie sobs harder. "Hey, shh." Clarke rushes to her side and picks her up to place her on her lap. "No crying. Wanna tell me what happened?"

Maggie tries to talk but chokes on her tears.

Clarke is patient, even with her mom's voice on the radio trying to get her to come in. Clarke silences the radio and tries again. "Can you speak now?"

The young girl nods and explains in a wail, "I don't wanna sing any more!"

She really tries not to laugh, truly, but ends up giggling. "Oh no, honey, you don't have to cry. If you don't want to sing we can just have someone else do it."

"Really?" Maggie questions with wide eyes and a soft voice. Her hair is in pigtails and she looks so cute.

Clarke smiles warmly. "Of course." She thinks about it then, "although I'm sure Ms. Lexa must have thought you were pretty good to put you as the first performer!"

"Ohhh."

"Yeah! But! You totally don't have to sing. I'm just going to radio my mom really quick to tell her to ask Ms. Lexa to start without you -"

"No! No!" Maggie stops Clarke's hand from reaching for her radio and admits shyly, "I want to sing."

Clarke makes a suspicious face and says, "I don't know... you sure? You really don't have to."

"Yes!" Maggie gets up from her lap and pulls her by the hand. "Come on! Let's go or I'll be late!" She starts dragging Clarke out of the cabin and runs ahead to the chapel. When Clarke reaches the chapel, her father is doing the introductions and the band is about to go on. It's a big deal for the kids so they go all out and even have an introductory video for everyone in the band with special effects and everything. Monty spent quite some time on it.

Clarke's still regaining her breath when Lexa approaches her, guitar in hand. "You okay there, buddy?" That smile of hers literally makes Clarke want to puke, in a good way, but that doesn't even make sense for Clarke who shakes her head but gives a thumbs up. The girl ran faster than she thought she could! Lexa laughs and says, "you just saved the whole show, you know? Good job."

She's finally able to breathe better and argues, very effectively, "nah."

"What'd you do to get her to come?" Lexa's eyes sparkle in mirth. 

"Reverse psychology."

"Nice," Lexa nods in agreement with the method and looks away when Octavia calls her name. "Well, I gotta go. See you out there." She throws a wink.

Clarke loses her breath again.

* * *

**Week 8 -**

Saturday is her second off day the whole camp and after this week there's only one more so she really needs the day off because the last week is always _insane_. She spent her day in town again but there was no way that she would buy Lexa anything else this time. That would be too much and she can't explain that away. Besides, now that it's a crush, Clarke has to avoid making any moves that may lead Lexa on.

She's struggling to be around Lexa again but she can't avoid her altogether. She tried that once and Lexa realized it so she wouldn't be able to get away this time.

Her new strategy is to simply go about her business and talk to Lexa _only_  if Lexa talks to her first but not go out of her way to find her.

Her mother radios her at around eight to ask Clarke if she can take a box of crafts from the front of the gym to her cabin. They are done with the crafting classes and she just needs to make sure they are in Clarke's cabin so Clarke doesn't forget to take them back home with her. Her mother will need them back in the city for a weekend workshop she's doing for the parents.

Clarke's in front of the gym, trying to figure out how to lift the box. "This looks heavy, let me help." She hears. Lexa.

Clarke tries to act like it didn't make her heart want to come out of her mouth and simply nods and says, "thanks."

"So how's your day off going?"

"Not super off, right?" Clarke nods at the box. "My mother... _always_ has something for me to do."

Lexa shakes her head. "That's not right." With a smile she goes on, "you need to experience true bum-ness."

Clarke laughs. "What even is that - actually, no, I don't want to know." Lexa laughs also. They're still carrying a huge box.

"Where are we carrying this to?" Lexa asks, her chin on top of the cardboard. They're both walking sideways and it's awkward and uncomfortable and Clarke can feel the box slipping from her fingers.

She readjusts, "my cabin."

"Cool," Lexa nods. They go on without much talking until they reach the porch of Clarke's cabin where they both drop the box at the same time without tact. Lexa stretches her back and runs a hand over her forehead. "That was much heavier than I expected to be honest."

Clarke agrees. "Yeah... sorry for not warning you." As many times as they've hung out here together on these very steps, Lexa's never been inside. But the box is heavy and Clarke could use the help. She asks, "ready?" and points to the box again. Lexa groans but she poises herself ready to lift again. Clarke does as well and they climb the steps and after many tries Clarke swings the door open.

They carry the box and drop it on top of a small round table Clarke has in her cabin by the kitchenette. "Your cabin is much nicer than mine." Lexa points out.

She's not wrong. Clarke has a living space with a nice couch and a TV even though she rarely uses it. "Yeah, the perks."

"Of being the Griffins' daughter?"

"No! Of being girl's director, a position I worked very hard for, thank you very much."

Lexa leans against the back of the couch. "I believe you," she raises both hands as if surrendering. "So."

"So," Clarke repeats, hands in her pockets. "Thanks for helping."

"No worries."

There's that silence again. It's Clarke's number one enemy because she always ends up saying something stupid. "So, uh, I have a TV, and it's my day off and if you don't have anything to do, um, right now, we could, I mean, do you want to hang out and watch a movie?" She's still talking, walking past Lexa by the couch toward the TV. She turns it on and starts changing the channels, and she can feel Lexa moving behind her but doesn't want to look. "Um, I don't have a DVD player or anything like that, and I only get some channels here but I think I have _Lifetime_?"

Finally she stops to breathe and check Lexa's response. When she turns, Lexa's already sitting on the couch, arm over the back, looking as relaxed and comfortable as they come. "Sure."

Clarke smiles against her will - grins, really - and claps her hands once in excitement. "Great! I have wine." She bought it earlier that day while out in town in preparation for the week ahead, _sue her_.

"Clarke!" Lexa exclaims with a grin of her own. "You can't _smuggle_ alcohol into _church camp_ , Clarke!" Lexa mocks her, mirroring her words and tone from weeks before.

Clarke rolls her eyes as she grabs the wine from her mini fridge and struggles to open it. "Shut it, Woods." She tells her but she can't help but feel light from the interaction. She doesn't have wine glasses but she has two foam cups. She fills them up and puts the wine back in the mini fridge. Then she goes back toward the couch and drops her body next to Lexa's, hands away from her body to balance the drinks. She instantly feels warm. "Here," she shoves one cup - as delicately as she can not to spill - at Lexa. "Take the wine, be quiet, and watch the movie."

Lexa's empty hand flies to her chest in a dramatic fashion, "geez, okay, okay. I'll  _drink the wine_."

* * *

It was excruciating sitting this close to Lexa while watching a movie in her cabin with wine. The entire time she was distracted by the presence of her guest, even though she invited said guest. 

The movie’s done and Lexa stretches to check the time on her watch. Clarke didn't even realize the movie was ending because she had been distracted by her own thoughts (mostly involving Lexa) for the better half of the movie. She gets up from her seat because she's caught the end of that stretch and the way Lexa’s body moves makes her dizzy. She walks toward the kitchenette, “more wine?” She’s standing by the mini fridge to grab the bottle just in case.

“No, I think I need to get going - it’s eleven o’clock and I have band practice first thing in the morning.” Lexa picks up her cup and Clarke’s and walks over to her, “Thanks for inviting me tonight. It was a good movie.” She hands them over and their hands linger between them as Lexa won't let go of the cups and Clarke won't take them.

Clarke rolls her eyes, “that movie was terrible but I’m glad that you came.” Her voice is soft when she admits it and the way that Lexa looks at her tells her everything that she needs to know: Lexa's realized it too. Clarke finally takes the cups and turns around to place them on the countertop. She slowly turns back around.

She wants to kiss Lexa, she thinks, but she also _can’t_ want it because it’s _wrong_ and they’re at _church camp_. They’re supposed to be role models for the kids.

She is trying really hard, she really is but she is very attracted to the idea of Lexa's lips on her own right now. She knows it's wrong yet, she finds herself staring at Lexa’s face with abundant curiosity. Lexa is - and always has been - very open with Clarke. She’s waiting, patiently, but Clarke doesn’t do much. She chuckles and tries to push away the thought.

So Lexa clears her throat and smiles. It’s a tiny smile, but it’s reassuring. “See you around, director.”

She walks to the door and Clarke watches her unlock it.

Before she can leave, Clarke's mouth has a mind of its own and is calling out Lexa's name. She turns around as if she had been expecting it. Clarke doesn’t know how she made it until the end of the movie but she's going to go through with it - she needs to  _know_.

“Wait,” she says. “I - you,” she is at a loss for words. Lexa’s staring at her with those understanding forest green eyes and Clarke is having a hard time elaborating. Instead she approaches Lexa, making her take a step back effectively pushing Lexa lean against the door. Clarke smirks at Lexa’s realization that she’s trapped.

“What are you doing, Clare?” Lexa asks but she knows. Her eyes dip to Clarke’s lips and then back up to blue.

“Would it be alright…” Clarke says, mind wondering what Lexa will taste like, “if I kiss you?”

Lexa visibly reacts to the question. Red rises up her neck and cheeks and she’s nodding softly and Clarke can’t help but be so enamored by her. She takes another step forward and they’re so close she can feel the warmth of her.

“Okay,” Clarke barely mutters.

Clarke runs a hand through her own hair, the blonde curls moving away from her face, then she reaches for Lexa’s tank, underneath the white button up she has on and pulls it down bringing Lexa to her. Lexa gasps at the first tentative touch of Clare’s lips on hers. And when they kiss Clarke finally understands cliche: Lexa fits like a key; everything makes sense, and her world finally, _finally_  starts spinning right.

* * *

Next thing she knows, she's on her back with Lexa on top of her, kissing her senseless. They're seriously in the middle of a hot make out session and Clarke finds that damn - she _really_ enjoys this. It doesn't hurt that Lexa reacts appropriately to Clarke's touching or kissing. She gasps and moans and bites Clarke's lip light. Clarke pulls her closer.

Her mind is going at a million miles an hour. So  _this_ is what it's supposed to feel like. Her heart is going faster than her mind, threatening to rip off her body. She's shaking. She's ecstatic. She's nervous. She pulls away momentarily and Lexa lets her but follows less than a second later to keep kissing her.

And then suddenly, her mind catches up and processes what's happening. She pushes Lexa away. They share a look and Lexa looks so very confused her heart strains. But she can't. She shouldn't. They're at church camp, geez.

Clarke gets up and is immediately overcome with embarrassment and guilt. She should have never kissed Lexa, should have never invited her to stay. She doesn’t dare make eye contact again because she knows that leaving her is messed up but she can’t be here right now.

Her brain is scattered all over again - still trying to catch up from such a high not even a minute ago. It felt so right; exhilarating. It feels so dirty now; so wrong. She's standing right outside of her door trying to catch her breathing. Her chest feels laden. Something hits her hand and she realizes that she’s been crying. This is too much. Lexa has been nothing but amazing to her and she has used the poor girl for her own selfish needs.

There’s movement happening within the cabin and she realizes that that’s _her_ cabin that she left behind. She needs to go back in there. She needs to check up on Lexa - she doesn't deserve this. Clarke exhales and makes the final decision to go speak to her. It may be rushed but Lexa needs to know that she didn’t mean to use her, not like this.

Clarke goes back to her room and knocks on the threshold to announce Lexa of her presence. Lexa’s buttoning her white shirt, the only piece of clothing that (thankfully) came off. "I’m sorry,” Clarke mutters under her breath. Her hands are by her sides, palms open, but her eyes are downcast because she can’t bear to look at Lexa in the eyes.

“Please don’t apologize, Clarke.” Lexa tells her. The tone of her voice shocks Clarke. She’s never heard Lexa sound like this...so... pissed. “I’m gonna go.”

“Don’t -” She tries to plead. “I didn’t mean - I just - I don’t -”

Lexa cuts her off, “save it. _I’m_ sorry for what happened.”

The moment is tense. She is doing her best to ensure Lexa that this is not what was _supposed_ to happen. She just wants her friendship back. She just wants to forget the whole thing.

Clarke is distraight. Her hands are non-stop: she grabs her hips, her own face - everything to keep from doing something else stupid. She’s never felt this conflicted in her life and the look she can feel Lexa is throwing at her is not helping.

Again, she repeats, “I’m sorry, Clarke. I need to go,” she points behind Clarke.

There’s falter in her voice as she speaks, “It wasn’t your fault. It was me who took advantage of you and for that _I am_ _sincerely_ sorry. I just - Lexa, I can’t even look at you right now. You make my heart want to burst and my brain dulls and I can’t _think_ when you’re around.”

Lexa stops at the confession but then walks past Clarke toward the door. "I can't do this."

"Wait!" Clarke puts herself between Lexa and the door. "Hold on." She places a hand on her chest. "I - gimme one minute to process?" Clarke can see that Lexa doesn't want to give her any minutes but she just looks away and waits. She sighs and tries, "I don't want to ruin our friendship." That's what she settles on. Whatever war she has going on inside of her is not Lexa's concern and it's not her fault. She cares about Lexa and wants to be her friend. 

"Consider it not ruined," Lexa tells her. Her voice is distracted and distant.

"Lexa, _please_." Clarke begs. "I'm - this - Lexa!" She bites her own lip. She needs to figure out  _what_ it is she's trying to say in the first place. How to explain what happened, how to explain what she's been thinking about for the past weeks, how to explain what she was trying to accomplish with a kiss.

Lexa scoffs, "it  _wa_ _s_ my fault. I - forget it. Excuse me, please." She pushes Clarke out of the way with a gentle - even at a moment like this Lexa is _gentle_ with Clarke - hand to her arm. "We'll talk soon."

This time Clarke doesn't try to argue. She is defeated. She is hopeless and powerless and the best she can do is let Lexa leave. 

* * *

**Week 9 -**

Camp  _feels_ different. 

_She_ feels different.

But it's the last week and she doesn't have time to feel different, she has to get the kids ready to go home. There are awards to be given, pictures to be taken, and water fights to be had. It was girls versus boys and her team destroyed Bellamy's. She didn't even care to look for Lexa because Lexa  _was_ avoiding her, and successfully.

It's not like she wasn't avoiding Lexa too. She had wanted to talk then but now she doesn't have time for it and she can't afford to spend so much time worrying. Maybe Lexa will tell someone? Who though? She's close with the band people but Clarke's not even sure they know she's gay. Her father? Doubtful, Lexa wouldn't. She  _wouldn't_ right?

Clarke begins to panic at the thought. Why she hasn't considered before she doesn't know but she's so terrified that she finds herself knocking on Lexa's door the night before camp's over.

She's being obnoxious.

Lexa opens the door in shorts and  _the tank_ from the week previous. Clarke's mouth goes dry. She stares at Lexa's body so near her and wants nothing more than to jump her. Lexa clears her throat. Clarke's eyes snap up to Lexa's.

"Oh. Hi." Clarke's so awkward she doesn't know what to do with herself. She knocked on Lexa's door but now she wants to bury her head in the ground like an ostrich. She heard that's a myth. She shakes her head. "Um, I -" She wants to ask Lexa to be quiet about what happened but her world hasn't fallen apart since so she's fairly sure Lexa hasn't said anything to anyone and probably won't. Still she needs to cover her bases. "I just - I need to know that, um, whatever happened last weekend will, um -" come on, plow through, Griffin. "It's just - like, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right?" She finishes and cringes because wow. She's an asshole.

Lexa's face doesn't react at first. Then she chuckles. "Yup, I should have known this was coming." She chuckles again, tainted in a tone Clarke can't identify but hates, "sure thing, Clarke. You don't have to worry about me."

The relief is immense. "Thank you!" She exclaims before she can help herself. "Thanks, Lexa!" She wants to pull her into a hug but halfway into it she realizes what she's about to do and stops herself. "Um, I'm sorry," she grimaces, "that I have to ask this, it's just - complicated. And hard."

"I get it," Lexa assures her. "Is there anything else?" 

Clarke's not happy anymore at the way Lexa asks that question so cold and so done. "No?" She tells her, concerned about what Lexa will do.

"Okay. See you tomorrow." Lexa closes the door without a second of hesitancy. Clarke stares at the door and wills herself not to cry.

* * *

The next morning is the last morning. The parents are already arriving by the time Clarke is able to make it to the cafeteria for a snack. She woke up earlier than anyone else to get things going (really, she never slept thinking about Lexa). 

She grabs a granola bar from the cafeteria on her way to the pick up area and eats it in a hurry. Her main responsibility today is to check out every kid to a parent with all their things and in one piece. 

As much as she loves camp she can't wait for this to be over.

As parents line up with their kids in front of her, Clarke keeps searching the crowd for Lexa. She wants to see her one more time. She has to try to explain what happened and apologize again. She doesn't want camp to be over without having the chance to fix things with Lexa. This camp had been her favorite so far and she knows it was because Lexa was there. If she lets her go without mending what she ruined, she fears their friendship will die.

"Clarke!" Her mother snaps in front of her face. "Your line is not moving. Work!"

"Sorry!" Clarke apologizes to the man in front of her. "Um..." she looks for the child's name on her form and confirms that they're good to go.

She keeps working on automatic, every so often her eyes wander off looking for a certain gracious woman with green eyes and wild, curly hair. She doesn't see her. She does check outs for an hour and Lexa doesn't show up. That's not what she was hoping for so when the last kid is gone Clarke sets out on a mission to find Lexa.

She's not at her cabin. She's not in the cafeteria. She's not in the chapel - all of the instruments are packed. The out-of-tune piano that Lexa loved sits there and Clarke never thought a piano could look so sad before. Clarke realizes that Lexa's guitar is gone. Clarke takes that as a red flag and runs out to look for Lexa in her father's office. She's not there and she's not in her mother's infirmary... you never know. Clarke knows it's a long shot but she checks her own cabin too. Unsurprisingly, Lexa's not there. She tries the cafeteria one more time and on her way to the gym she checks the chapel a second time. She's not in any of these places, so Clarke prays with all of her heart that she's at the lake.

Clarke runs to the lake, half expecting to see Lexa with her feet dangling over the water. The anticipation within her is almost too much. She pictures what she will say this time; she practices her lines. She wants to make sure Lexa leaves camp with the knowledge that Clarke came to care for her and that she hopes they can work through this. 

Clarke makes past the bushes. 

Lexa's not at the dock. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Guess That's Why You Call it the Blues - Elton John


	2. Cherry Wine - the 2nd summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> titled after Hozier's song of the same name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Sar. Happy birthday - it's not amazing but like, I'll pretend it's good enough to be dedicated to someone as special as you.

_Her eyes and words are so icy_  
_Oh but she burns_  
_Like rum on the fire_  
_Hot and fast and angry as she can be_  
_I walk my days on a wire._  
_It looks ugly, but it's clean  
__Oh momma, don't fuss over me._

[Cherry Wine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdSCCwtNEjA) - **Hozier**

**The week before camp**

Clarke's finally sat down for dinner after a long, exhausting day at church. She's been up since 5 am helping her parents get everything ready for camp the next weekend and they literally did not stop all day. She stretches her legs, drops them over the coffee table in her living room and crosses her ankles. Her laptop's open off to the side on the couch so she grabs it and places it on her thighs, her Thai take out from last night on the arm of the couch. She wants to do nothing more than mindlessly wonder through the vast emptiness that is social media, so she opens a Facebook tab and gets lost on the updates of her friends' lives.

It's been 8 months since last summer. Eight months since she met someone that changed her life; shook her to the core. She shakes her head. She can't think about it. It's been 8 months and she doesn't need to start thinking about _her_ again.  

She can't help it that her father had been talking all day about needing a new worship leader. Lexa had surprisingly backed out of helping this year after last summer and he had no idea why. All her father knew was that Lexa had told him she  _wanted_ to be there but  _couldn't_. 

Clarke's head was throbbing. Without Lexa or Finn, her dad would need to find a replacement immediately and that meant that maybe that person wouldn't be as good. Oh, who was she kidding - Lexa was the best. They'd never find someone like her. 

She continued to scroll through her timeline liking the status and pictures of friends she really cared about until she sees a picture of Octavia with Lexa. Octavia's arm is wrapped around Lexa's shoulder and both of their smiles are so huge she can't help it but smile herself. She had been accompanying their blossoming friendship since Octavia and Lexa played together last summer, and every so often she'd get a glimpse of Lexa's life via Octavia's Facebook. Right now, Clarke needed more. She clicked on the tagged name of Lexa to follow through to her profile.

It had been 8 months since they last talked and during summer she never stopped to add Lexa as a friend on Facebook, so she had to resort to shamefully going over and stalking the girl every so often. She's kinda glad they never became friends on Facebook or she would be in constant pain seeing Lexa all the time. She liked to save those moments when she was wallowing, like today.

She appreciates how gorgeous Lexa is without even trying to be. The last picture someone updated of her is of Lexa in grey sweats and a white t-shirt, hanging out in what seems to be like her kitchen. She's smiling and looking at someone outside of the shot, and Clarke feels her heart tug. God, she's so beautiful.

She almost _likes_ the picture, deciding instead that it's time to get out of that page. She takes a bite out of her Pad Thai only to come back to her screen and see a message notification. When she clicks on it, her heart drops.

It's Lexa.

They're not friends so she can't see what it says - only that she has a message request, and she's scared to check but she's mostly curious. 

There is no way she'll sleep if she doesn't check so she puts her food on the coffee table and places both feet on the floor. She clicks 'accept' and the message comes into view.

**Lexa Woods:** _Hey._

Wow. Clarke can't believe she's a mess over one word. Granted, it was the thinking about the possibility of what Lexa said that made her this way. Also the fact that Lexa was communicating with her first. 

After what happened last summer Clarke spent a few months trying to contact her. She called her at least once a week for about eight weeks before giving up. If Lexa didn't want to talk to her she wouldn't force it, although she missed her friendship more than anything and she wanted to apologize for her part in the events leading up to their not talking. 

But now, here they are, eight months later, and Lexa had messaged her 'hey.' It killed her. It burned her from the soul out and she wasn't sure what that meant, only that it meant  _something_. And how could it mean something, anything, this much, this strong, if it had been eight months and they only knew each other for three?

She thinks carefully on a response but doesn't come up with anything too crazy.

**Clarke Griffin:** _Hey._

Almost immediately a message pops up saying that Lexa is typing. Then it goes away. Clarke doesn't want to seem desperate to know what she has to say though so she closes the message and goes back to scrolling. The red flag pops back up. She clicks it too fast.

**Lexa Woods** :  _How are you?_

**Clarke Griffin:** _Fine, you?_

It takes a little longer this time but Lexa responds.

**Lexa Woods:** _good, thanks. So I've been meaning to talk to you and didn't know how..._

Lexa doesn't say anything for a while so Clarke responds with:

**Clarke Griffin:** _Ok? You can tell me anything, Lexa._

**Lexa Woods:**   _your father keeps calling me. He's desperate for a worship leader and hasn't found anyone. I wasn't going to say yes but I really feel like I may have to... I totally get it if it's uncomfortable for you and I'll just say no again but wanted to check in._ _  
_

**Clarke Griffin:** _yeah, that's totally fine. We'd be lucky to have you again... you don't have to worry about me!_

**Lexa Woods:** _great, thanks... I'll let him know then. See you in a week._

**Clarke Griffin:** _yeah, see you soon!:)_

She wants to say more, ask questions, find out what Lexa's been up to, but she doesn't. She fidgets with her fingers over the keyboard for a while until she decides she really doesn't want to embarrass herself. But again, Lexa writes first.

**Lexa Woods:** _oh, and just FYI my gf is coming with so don't want things to be awkward or anything_

Oh.

Oh... girlfriend. Of course Lexa has a girlfriend. It's been eight months, why would she wait for her? How would she know to wait? Did Clarke even want her to be available? She wasn't sure where they stood - where  _she_ stood. She hasn't thought about her sexuality in months, repressing it extensively due to the downturn and freak out at camp. She couldn't even fathom the idea of a relationship with a girl. But it doesn't matter how she feels or what she thinks. She sighs, wants to cry but forbids herself, and responds as politely as she can.

**Clarke Griffin** **:** _no worries on my end. Have a good night._

It shows that Lexa read but nothing else is said after that, although a minute later she does get a friend request from Lexa Woods. It makes her head spin and she craves alcohol which she usually tries to abstain from, especially since the make out session she shared with Lexa last summer, but some moments call for it. She grabs her now cold take out and puts it back in the refrigerator, taking out the wine instead.

Her safety net had always been Finn before their engagement ended, but now that was over and  _they_ haven't spoken in nine months. She wishes she knew how to approach that relationship, salvage their friendship, but he had assured her they would remain friends and he decided to distance himself so she had to respect that. She found herself texting Bellamy, the boy's director.

**Clarke:** _hey dude you busy?_

**Bell:**   _always, you know me. what's up?_

**Clarke:** _need advice but would like no judgment_

**Bell:** _I can come over?_

**Clarke:** _I have day old, twice reheated Thai food in the refrigerator and beer_

**Bell:** _Gimme 10_

She tidies up the living room but eventually gives up. Bellamy does not care, if anything he would be more uncomfortable if he arrived at her apartment and it was extremely organized. They've known each other for years now, both working at the camp since they were youngsters even before her parents bought it from the church that owned it before. 

She should be nervous about telling Bellamy seeing as he is one of the best Christians she knows but maybe that's exactly why she feels so decided that he is the person to talk to about this. He will be honest with her and support her.

When he arrives he doesn't knock. He does open the door slowly and greets her, "hello."

She pulls him in and hands him the beer bottle. "What were you doing?"

" _Not_ watching Star Wars again?" he grimaces and she laughs.

"You have no hope."

"Hey! According to the movie I have a  _new hope._ "

Clarke fake gags and gives him a hug. "That was lame but I'll let it slip. Come on, sit."

He does as told and sits next to her on the couch, one leg under the other, and goes right to the point. "Well, what's up? What has you beckoning me at -" he checks his phone, "8:20 on a Sunday night?"

She shakes her head and admits, knowing full well that if she doesn't get it out there as soon as possible, she'll cower from it, "I have a secret to tell you. You can't be mad, and you can't overreact. You also can't judge, and you can't stop being my friend over it."

"Woah," he puts his free hand up. He takes a swig of the drink in the other hand and says, "I won't do any of the  _can'ts_ , Clarke, but man, that's a lot of rules."

She expels some air and tells him, "I'm... gay.  _I think_ ," she's quick to add. "Or maybe not like all the way gay, not like a lesbian, but I definitely like girls some, so maybe bisexual? Not sure yet, it's all up in the air but -" He looks stricken as if someone just threw cold water on his face. His mouth is so open Clarke fears his jaw will hit the floor and break. "Bell?" She asks quietly, coming closer to him on the couch. "You said you wouldn't -"

"Oh! No, Clarke, sorry!" He apologizes quickly. "I mean, like, I'm surprised because I just never even considered it being something you struggled with..."

"I don't _struggle_ with it -"

"I didn't mean it like _that_ ," he tries again. After a while of Clarke giving him the stink eye he promises, "I mean it. Look, I just meant I didn't think this is something that you went through alone. I don't want you to ever think that I wouldn't have supported you or loved you."

She relents, "I know."

"When did you realize?"

"Last summer?"

"Did it have anything to do with _Lexa_?" he singsongs.

"What?" She's surprised.

Bellamy sighs and drinks again, "O thought something was going down with you two but I assured her that she was crazy. You had just left a relationship with a guy - the only person I've ever seen you in a relationship with, I just assumed -"

"It's fine." She stops him. "I can't believe neither of you said anything to me, about how obvious we had been, -"

He points his finger at her, "So something  _did_ happen!"

"Only at the very end of camp and it's not like I can do anything about it." Clarke shrugs and avoids making eye contact with Bellamy. The thought of him realizing what happened makes her ears burn.

"Why not?" Bellamy asks, genuinely concerned.

Clarke narrows her eyes at him again, "I can't be  _gay_ at church, Bell."

He doesn't say anything. He's probably thinking about what their congregation would do and say if they knew. She sighs and he shrugs, "what do they care? Does she make you happy?"

Clarke sighs, yet again, and tells him, "I - well, we haven't talked in 8 months and I - she has a girlfriend anyway."

"Oh," he mumbles. "That stinks."

"Yeah."

He thinks for a minute then nods toward the kitchen, "you promised me reheated Thai though?"

She laughs and goes to grab it for him. "Twice reheated."

* * *

**Week 1**

She's not ready for camp. She thought she was. She forced herself to think she was. She promised Bellamy she was.

She isn't. 

She's currently running back to her cabin to grab her clipboard with the campers' info when she spots her. She's just as beautiful as she remembers. And wow, so is the girlfriend. If that's who that is. They're grabbing bags behind the chapel where the worship leader's cabin is situated and they're laughing as they try to tickle or hug each other or something. Kind of lame, in Clarke's opinion. 

The girl is all tan legs and nice ass and perky boobs. A wide smile and happy eyes with extremely curly dark hair and Clarke can't see her personality but she bets she's all flowers and sunshine. Nice.

She turns around to ignore them and continues on her way to her own cabin. Her radio clicks, "Clarke, come in." It's her mother.

"Yup. Here."

"Can you also stop by the chapel and grab the box of shirts your father left there last night?"

She sighs. Of course. "Yeah, sure. Be up there in a minute."

The clock is racing against her. It's about time the kiddos start showing up and her mind is definitely not in the game. She needs to focus. This is more important. This is her calling; this is everything she's ever wanted to do growing up and last summer she got distracted, but she was a novice and now she's not.

She will be professional, sure, and she will not let the situtation get the best of her.

She doesn't even like Lexa like that anyway. 

While in the chapel, she _hears_ first and then sees Lexa and her girlfriend walk by the windows. She doesn't grimace but she doesn't quite smile. She waits a few minutes until she's sure they're out of her way and picks up the box to go to the entrance, even though she is now five minutes late and parents have probably started to arrive. Some are eager to drop their children.

As she approaches the welcome post, she plants a fake smile on her face. There's no way she'll break today. Bellamy looks at her from his side of the clearing and gives her a true, reassuring smile to which she actually smiles back. It's nice not to have to pretend. Her mother is next to her in a beat to grab the box of shirts and she hands one to each kid that comes up to her after the parents check them in with either Clarke or Bellamy. 

Her father is off to the side talking to Lexa and the band, probably talking about worship music for the opening ceremony, and Lexa's girlfriend is handing out bracelets to the boys that check in with Bellamy. At least she didn't offer to help Clarke. She seems nice though so Clarke can't even try to dislike her.

All in all, checking in goes by pretty quickly and next thing she knows, they're in the chapel. This time around she is not invited to sing but Lexa's girlfriend takes the stage and introduces herself as Cam. She has the most beautiful voice Clarke's ever heard and she feels just a pang of jealousy as she sings the same songs she was singing last summer with Lexa. Cam and Lexa exchange a few smiles but mostly Cam sings with her eyes closed and a hand up in the air. Clarke feels sick. 

She excuses herself from next to Bellamy and goes for a walk. It would be better if the air wasn't so warm already but it's the peak of summer and the hot air suffocates her even more. 

She thought she could deal with being around Lexa again since their  _thing_ had been short-lived and meaningless the previous summer but seeing her up there, as Clarke got to know her last year, with another girl that literally took her spot - her heart clenches. She can't breathe and if she knew she would feel like her lungs were collapsing in on themselves she would have brought along an inhaler.

Not even five minutes later Bellamy finds her and wraps an arm around her. She finds the crook of his neck and lets him comfort her as she cries. The faint sound of the music is still pouring out of the chapel but she's trying to focus on regaining control of her emotions. "I'm sorry, Bell." She says after a while. "I hate doing  _this_."

She's never been good about opening up and being vulnerable around others. He knows this so he shushes her and lets her break down. After she has regained composure he assures her, "you'll be fine. It's okay to hurt, but you need to be here for the kids okay?"

She knows he is right so she nods and wipes away her tears. "Okay. I'm going to go wash my face and come back for my dad's message."

"Okay. Go for it."

So she goes and takes her time because Bellamy is right. She needs to be here for the kids, she cannot get sidetracked in her own emotional issues. She splashes cold water on her face and dries it with a towel. 

When she opens the door to the cabin she literally gasps because standing in front of her on the porch is none other than Lexa herself. She's looking at her feet and then she's looking into Clarke's eyes and she feels the air being sucked out of her being. "Hi." Lexa greets her.

Clarke cannot do this right now. She physically, emotionally, mentally cannot do this. So she tries to walk around Lexa but is stopped by her hand. "I just want to talk, Clarke. And explain some things. I promise I'll leave you alone after."

"I  _can't_ do this right now," she says out loud and tries to curve Lexa again.

Lexa sighs says, "please."

The way her voice breaks makes Clarke stop in her tracks and wait. She's not entirely sure what she's waiting to hear but it's not what Lexa says.

"This is hard for me too."

Clarke wants to immediately argue, "it's not  _hard_ for me." She's stubborn, she can't help wanting to fight. Lexa did disappear last summer without saying anything, and made herself scarce for the months after.

"I thought you said you were fine." Lexa comments, eyes burning into Clarke's. She tries to look away and focus on the 'Welcome' banner hung behind Lexa's head. Lexa lets her but says, "I just want this to be a good experience for everyone, ok?"

"Sure." Clarke says, arms crossed over her chest and eyes now on the ground.

Lexa bends slightly to force eye contact and smiles softly, "I missed you."

The sentiment feels like a truck has just ran her over. She draws in a ragged breath and shakes her head, "you didn't. We don't even know each other, Lexa."

The other girl's smile turns into a hurt frown and she squints at Clarke's attempt at denial. "If that's what you tell yourself to sleep at night, that's fine, Clarke. Anyway, I thought we were friends but I guess I was wrong."

"I guess you were."

"I'm gonna go."

"You probably should."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"Fine." Lexa turns on her heels and makes way to head back to the chapel but turns only a few feet away. "Thanks, by the way."

"For what?" Clarke asks, irritated that she's still entertaining Lexa's conversation.

Lexa thinks and then says, "for lying, I guess. To me, last week, so I would come play. I know you didn't do it for me; you did it for your dad, of course..." Lexa's not dumb, Clarke knows, but she didn't think she would call her out on it, "I appreciate it anyway. This is important for me too." And with that she leaves.

* * *

**Week 2**

Somehow Clarke managed to go an entire week without speaking to Lexa again or interacting with her girlfriend, Cam. If Cam suspects anything she doesn't show. Clarke's caught her trying to make her way to her to possibly start a conversation but Clarke's figured a way out of it every time.  

For Thursday evening worship, Clarke realized that Cam was making a beeline to her and out of fear that she would invite her to join them on stage, she literally pretended to trip and mumbled an excuse to Bellamy about going to see her mother in the nurse's cabin. Bellamy shot her an incredulous look but she heard him explain to Cam what happened.

Now it was Saturday again and Clarke had her first day off, which came much earlier than the past years she's worked at the camp. She chose to take the day and go into town because she could not spend another day at camp without bursting. 

Her day off mostly consisted of her window shopping and buying little gifts for her mother and father, as always. When she found herself in the same music store as last summer she had to fight with the voice in her head telling her she should buy Lexa a gift. Peace offering maybe? But no, she decided that probably wasn't appropriate and walked away without anything. She did stop at the market and bought essentials like toothpaste and paper towels, as well as beer and wine because come on - she feels like she'll definitely need it this year.

She drove back to camp only when it was past supper because she was trying to minimize the possibility of seeing any of the many people she was avoiding. Only two, but still, felt like a lot of people at a camp where everyone knew each other. She parked the car behind the chapel and grabbed her bags to make the trek back to her cabin.

She almost got away with it but as soon as she turned toward her cabin she heard a familiar voice offer help. She should have known; Lexa catches her every time when she's carrying stuff. Except this time Lexa isn't alone.

"Need help?" Lexa asks again. She's sitting on the steps of the cabin, Cam next to her offering Clarke a selfless smile.

Clarke looks between the two of them and shakes her head, trying to balance the weight of all bags in her arms. "No, I'll be fine, thanks."

"I'm Cam," Cam takes the opportunity to finally introduce herself. "You're a hard girl to talk to. So busy all the time." She stands up and her smile seems to get wider; how in the world is this girl real, Clarke wonders. Cam comes closer and extends her arm anyway. "Come on, let me help you. This all looks heavy."

Clarke clears her throat and awkwardly agrees, nodding and sharing the load with Cam. "Thanks," she mutters. "I'm Clarke," she attempts to be polite.

Cam laughs and damn, even her laugh is perfect, "I know who you are. You're Pr. Griff's daughter; he absolutely wouldn't shut up about how amazing you are with the kids when he took us out for coffee."  _Us_. Well, that's your own fault Clarke. 

"Oh," Clarke blushes and avoids looking at Lexa, who she can feel is still watching her from her seat, "please, don't listen to my father, he exaggerates."

"No, he's right," Lexa chimes in, standing up to join them. Clarke groans, how did she get herself in this position?

Cam nods at Lexa's comment and turns back to Clarke, eyes as bright as the moonlight overhead. "So where to?" She lifts the bag in her arms.

"Oh!" Clarke says again, apparently having forgotten any other words in the English vocabulary. "Just my cabin down this path."

"She gets her own fancy cabin," Lexa tells Cam. "Because she's Girls' Director and  _not_ because she's Pr. Griffin's kid." Is she teasing her? That sounds like teasing. She doesn't look at Lexa's face to know she probably looks smug right now so she just chuckles to herself and guides their way.

Cam laughs and frees an arm to punch Lexa softly, "don't be a meanie, babe. She obviously deserves it." _Babe_. Clarke grimaces. Cam turns to her, "I see how hard you work around here, Clarke. These kids are lucky to have you."

This just gets worse with each step they take so Clarke stops abruptly. "Hey, you know what?" She reaches for her bag back from Cam and dismisses them as politely as she can, "I can probably take this from here. It's not even that heavy." She can't stop talking though, "I appreciate you offering to help and carrying this bag all the way here," they're a few feet away from the front porch of her cabin and she still hasn't shut up to go inside. "But the rest of the way is short and you've done way more than necessary. So thanks." She musters a fake smile that's all teeth and no real meaning and turns away.

"No... problem?" Cam calls out after her. Right before she closes her front door she can hear the girl ask Lexa, "what's her problem? Does she not like me or something?" 

She doesn't stick around to hear Lexa's answer.

* * *

**Week 3**

"This is called the - what?" She raises the picture in her hand and waits for the kids to chime in.

"The color wheel!" Someone says from the back of the room. It's Maggie, one of her favorites, smiling triumphantly because she knows she got the answer right.

Clarke smiles right back, "that's right, Maggie. And what do we call colors that are across from each other in the color wheel?"

Another kid, John, answers this time, "completementary colors?"

"Right, Johnny," she nods in agreement, " _complementary_ colors," she corrects subtly and continues with the lesson, "okay, so what complements orange?"

"Blue!" A kid shouted.

"And green?"

"Red!" Another kid.

"And yellow?"

"Purple."

A kid didn't answer that. She looks to the door where Lexa's leaning against it as nonchalant as ever.

"Miss Lexa!" All the kids shout at the same time and run off their seats to where Lexa is to hug her. Lexa lets each one of them take their time to tell her about their mornings so far and breakfast and whatever else children like to discuss. Clarke's annoyed. Why is she here? 

"Okay, everyone, back to your seats, lesson is not over yet!" Clarke has to be louder than the kids and even has to clap a few times to grab their attention. While they're settling she throws Lexa a dirty look and gets a 'sorry' mouthed back.

Now, where was she? Oh, right. "Purple is the correct answer everyone. For the rest of this period go ahead and color in your wheels with the paint in the middle of your tables." After giving directions Clarke looks at Lexa. She beckons Clarke over with a head motion and against her better judgement Clarke goes. "What are you doing here?" She asks her.

"I was hoping we could talk?" Clarke almost forgets how green Lexa's eyes are. She must know that they are literally breathtaking. 

Clarke looks back at her kids, "I can't, Lexa, I'm in the middle -"

"Hey, Maggie?" Lexa shouts over Clarke's shoulder. 

"Yeah?" The young girl stands up quickly, her pigtails swinging.

"You're in charge while I speak to Ms. Griffin. We're right out here so we can hear everything, okay, guys? No horseplay." She makes the most threatening face she can, which is not that scary, and Clarke only watches, trying really hard not to be impressed or interested, or care.

Maggie agrees seriously and goes back to her station, an eye out for anyone that's not following directions.

Lexa takes Clarke out of the building and they sit on the bench right outside the window of Clarke's room. "So," Clarke starts, curiosity getting the best of her, "what did you want to talk about?"

Lexa looks up, then takes a deep breath in, then looks at Clarke and says, "Cam?"

"Oh," Clarke is already shutting down, not interested in what's about to happen.

"She really wants to get to know you," Lexa starts, pleading tone, "and she doesn't know why you don't like her..." she tries to keep the conversation as pleasant as possible. "Just give her a chance, please." Lexa finishes.

"Is that all?" Clarke asks. "I don't have time to play babysitter to your girlfriend, Lexa." She stands to walk back inside but Lexa keeps talking.

"I'm not asking you to babysit, I'm asking you to be a decent person and treat her like she deserves to be treated!" Clarke stops at Lexa's tone. "She didn't hurt you, Clarke. She has no idea what she did wrong and it's not her fault that you -" Lexa abruptly stops talking.

Clarke's intrigued now, "oh, no,  _please_ keep going. Not her fault that I did what?"

Lexa shakes her head, "you know what? This isn't worth it." She gestures between the two of them and says, "I thought we could get past last summer and be friends, and for some reason I thought you could be mature enough to talk to my girlfriend and try to be her friend but apparently I was  _very_ wrong about you. Which..." Lexa chuckles dryly, "I  _knew_ this, Clarke; I  _knew_ you weren't... good but I'm trying here, ok? And  _Cam is good_ , fuck." Lexa's done with her rant apparently, her hand's clutched to her chest and she's breathing heavily, worked up from the way this conversation didn't go anywhere.

The words coming out of Lexa's lips only made her feel shittier than she's felt for the past 9 months and she tried really hard not to let them affect her but she finds herself drying tears that salt her lips. "It's nice to finally know what you really think about me," is all she can think to say. She ignores Lexa's calls to her as she goes back inside. The kids are alarmed at her red eyes and they're concerned that Clarke's sad but she assures them everything's fine and no, it wasn't Miss Lexa's fault, and convinces them go back to coloring.

* * *

**Week 4**

"Hey, what are you doing?" 

She turns to find Bellamy approaching with two beer cans in hand. She widens her eyes at the drinks and asks in response, "what are  _you_ doing?"

She's sitting on the dock of the lake, legs dangling, currently watching the moon flirt with the water. The stars above them shine unaware of all of the problems of the little people that litter the earth and Clarke appreciates being unimportant for the moment. 

Bellamy sits next to her and offers a can, "I stole these from  _your_ fridge so don't give me that."

Clarke's been caught, "whatever." She takes the beer and takes a sip, moaning when the taste hits her tongue. "Thank you for bringing these. I won't even ask how you got in my cabin or how you found me."

"Hm, the cabin thing I'll keep a secret for now... I may want to play a prank on you later." Clarke gasps and pushes him lightly. "The  _where_ , Finn told me."

"What?"

"I texted him when I couldn't find you. It's nearly midnight and I hadn't seen you since supper. Everything okay?"

She sighs and asks, "what did he say when you texted him?" She can't help but wonder if Finn misses her. She doesn't want him back. She just wants to know that they didn't lose everything - unlike Lexa, her and Finn had been best friends at one point. They were a part of each other's lives for years; it meant something to her.

"He just told me to let him know when I found you. He wanted to make sure you're okay?" Bellamy tries again, a different approach this time.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine." Clarke says easily; she always turns to the 'f' word as if saying it will make it true.

Bellamy takes a sip of his drink and looks out to the lake, "no you're not. Want to tell me what happened?"

"I'm not sure what happened," Clarke tells him. "I'm not myself this summer. Being here is killing me. Seeing her is killing me."

He whistles and shakes his head, "oh you've got it bad. You're in love with her."

"Woah!" she raises her hand in a defensive stance, "I'm not! I just - she just - ugh, she just frustrates me so much!"

"Elaborate?"

Ever since their little discussion outside of the arts and crafts building, Lexa has made it a point to avoid talking to her which she appreciates. Maybe this will make their stay at camp easier to handle. However, she can't stand the thought that Lexa thinks she's not a good person for what happened last summer and for how she's treated Cam so far but the more she thinks about it the more she realizes Lexa is right: she is awful. 

Clarke then recounts to Bellamy the interaction she and Lexa had last week. He blows air out when she's done, a 'holy shit' expression on his face. "Yeah, I know. I can't stop listening to her voice say over and over again: ' _I was very wrong about you... I_ knew _you weren't good_ ,' and it hurts so much."

"Dude," Bellamy says, "I don't even know what to tell you. That's rough. I mean, I'm sure she didn't mean it -"

"No, she definitely did," Clarke reassures him. "I could see it in her eyes, Bell. She  _hates_ me. Absolutely despises me for what happened last summer."

"It wasn't all your fault," Bellamy tries.

She shrugs, takes a long chug of her beer allowing it to cool her head, "well that's not how she sees it, right?"

"How does she see it?" he asks.

She stops. She's not entirely sure, actually. Maybe if she had let Lexa talk the first day they were back at camp she would know but she didn't and now she's lost. Why does Lexa blame her? They were both there. They both did stupid things and acted like two teenagers instead of adults. "I don't know." Clarke had been so upset at seeing Lexa with another girl, a girl that's  _good_ , that she didn't let her explain. Clarke was also too proud to let Lexa get away with coming to talk to her after being radio silent for so long when she tried to talk to her multiple times.

Her friend lay back down on the dock and so Clarke did the same. A blanket of stars spread over her eyes and she let herself feel comfort from being wrapped in it. It's the first time since camp started that she's felt a semblance of peace.  _Thank you, God, for the night sky and true friends_ , she prayed.

"Do you think maybe you should ask her?" He rolls his head toward her. She forces herself to keep looking at the sky because she would break if she admitted it looking at him.

"I think I owe her that."

"Worth a shot."

* * *

She approaches her at the piano; the one that's been out of tune forever but that Lexa prefers over any other instrument in the chapel. Clarke looked for Lexa when she knew she would be alone, kind of like how Lexa also only comes to see her when Cam isn't around.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were looking for me." Lexa says in lieu of a proper greeting. She doesn't look up from the keys, playing a few chords over and over. She doesn't move on from what seems like the same three chords yet Clarke can't help but thinks she recognizes the song. She tries to keep her head in the game but seeing Lexa here where they started brings back memories. It feels too intimate, even. The lesson in music Lexa gave her last summer after the gift Clarke gave her is still one of Clarke's favorite nights at camp.

Clarke says, "I was." She sits on the stage - hands next to her thighs - and admits, "I looked for you everywhere else first because I was hoping you wouldn't be here... still..."

"Here I am," Lexa finishes for her. She lets her fingers rest from their playing and levels with Clarke. "So you found me. What do you want?"

"I'd like to apologize first," Clarke tells her immediately. She doesn't have time to beat around the bush. "You're right - I didn't give Cam a chance because I was upset with you and that's not fair to her. I told you before camp started that it wouldn't be a problem for me and it was so I'm sorry." Lexa looks at her in disbelief, unsure if this is really Clarke apologizing. She looks confused and so Clarke helps her out, "Bell helped me see some things."

"He knows?" Lexa wonders, an eyebrow shooting up.

"He knows." Clarke nods. "He's my friend."

Lexa acknowledges the comment with a nod that mirrors Clarke's and asks, "so what's the second thing you came here for?"

She sighs and tells Lexa, "I'll be nicer to Cam. I'll be sure to say hi to her when I see her..."

The pianist doesn't look convinced but she nods, "Thank you, Clarke... you'll like her."

That's the problem though, isn't it? If Clarke ends up linking Cam then what does that mean about her relationship with Lexa? It shouldn't even really matter, really, she knows that but she's selfish. That's really the only reason why she's here. "I don't doubt that."

"I'm sorry I said those things."

"You're not."

Lexa shrugs, "not really," she confesses barely above a whisper. If Clarke hadn't been sitting directly in front of her and watching Lexa's lips, she may have missed it. "I was upset but it wasn't very nice of me."

Clarke takes the opportunity, "you blame me for last summer?"

The look Lexa gives Clarke makes her entire body shiver. It is a cross between 'are you serious right now?' and 'caught red-handed.' "You lead me on then pushed me away, what do you expect me to do?"

Clarke gasps and jumps from where she's sitting to come nearer to the piano. Lexa scoots away and turns her face. "Is that what you think happened?"

"That's  _what happened_."

"I was scared!" Clarke shouts. She realizes how loud she got when the echo comes back to her ears so she adjusts her voice to an appropriate volume, "Lexa, I didn't mean it like that. I was  _so_ confused."

She scoffs, "so you used me."

"I didn't use you. I really like y-  _liked_ you. I really did." Clarke shakes her head and sits next to Lexa, legs facing the other way toward the chapel's entrance. Their shoulders are touching but Lexa doesn't move. She closes her eyes and continues playing the same song she had been when Clarke walked in earlier. "I'm sorry if that's how it came across..." Clarke says, looking down to where their shoulders meet. If Lexa looks at her she'll know there's still something here and she's not crazy.

Lexa doesn't look (although Clarke is under the impression she is having a hard time not looking), "...yeah that's exactly what it felt like."

Clarke looks at the door, "I looked for you. I wanted to explain-"

"-you weren't interested in me; just the excitement I made you feel."

"You have to understand. You must remember what it's like to be questioning your sexuality..." Clarke tries. 

Lexa's quiet for a moment and Clarke almost thinks she won't get a response. "Yeah," she mutters, "I guess I do. I just assumed you were using me as your experiment or something..."

"Never," Clarke says too quickly. Her hand ends up on Lexa's arm. Lexa stills from playing. There's another moment where Clarke thinks they may end up just kissing if only Lexa turns her head just so-

The door to the chapel opens and Cam comes in, all smiles and messy curly hair flying around her face. She's flushed and even this sweaty she is gorgeous. "Lex! There you are!" She exclaims. "Oh," she says, slowing down when she realizes Clarke's there too. She looks between the two - Clarke doing everything in her power to avoid the eye contact and Lexa turning to face the entrance as well. Clarke gets up while Cam is making her way down the aisle to Lexa. "I've been looking for you everywhere." She gets closer and lets Lexa grab her hands, "is everything ok?" She must feel how tense it is in the room.

"Yeah, babe," Lexa reassures her pulling her down for a kiss in greeting.

Clarke begins walking away, "thanks for your help, Lexa," she says. 

"Oh you don't have to go just because I got here!" Cam says. "In fact, I was just coming to get Lexa for game with the kids. You want to join?"

Clarke's eyebrows raise and she looks between Cam and Lexa to see her reaction to the invitation. Lexa looks hopeful, if that's what those sparkling eyes mean, so she nods, "sure sounds great!"

"Cool!" Cam claps in excitement. "Bell and I were just talking about how much fun a game of Capture the Flag would be right now. Lex, you in?" 

Lexa says, "yeah, sounds fun, Cam." She smiles but her smiles doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Give me a few minutes and I'll be there? I just gotta finish something on a song I've been working on."

"Of course. Clarke and I can start making our way, right?"

"Right," Clarke agrees. "I'll wait for you out there." She doesn't give Cam any time to respond, just makes her way out of the chapel to wait for those two to do whatever they want to do. It doesn't take long before Cam joins her, grabbing her arm to link hers through.

As Clarke lets Cam lead them to the field, she hears Lexa finally playing the song she had been messing with. Her voice rings out. Clarke makes a mental note to chastise her later - Lexa _knows_ she's not supposed to sing secular music. Though for now, she lets the lyrics wash over her.

 

_Well, I never want to see you unhappy_  
_I thought you'd want the same for me_

_Goodbye, my almost lover_  
_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_  
_I'm trying not to think about you_  
_Can't you just let me be?_  
_So long, my luckless romance_  
_My back is turned on you_  
_Should've known you'd bring me heartache_  
_Almost lovers always do_  

* * *

She does love Cam. The girl is amazing when you give her a chance. Hell, _she_ would date her too. For one, the girl is beautiful, but she's also smart and funny and caring. Clarke watches her with the kids and can't decide if she's more jealous of Lexa or Cam. When she looks up, she catches Lexa staring at Cam too. She looks enchanted by her. And Clarke decides right then and there that she is done with whatever that was with Lexa.

* * *

**Week 5**

"Good morning, ladies!" Clarke reaches the table where Cam and Octavia are sitting and eating. She sits next to Octavia and lets her hug her then nods at Cam who waves in return from the other side of the table. 

"Dude!" Cam starts. "Did you see the cut Johnny got last night?"

Clarke doesn't want to grin because it sucks that a kid got hurt but it is a gnarly cut. She leans forward and tries to keep her voice low, "holy moly that thing was _gross_."

Cam laughs and goes back to her pancakes, "that's gonna leave a scar."

"For sure," Octavia adds. "I'm kinda jealous. I'd love a scar like that." She finishes, "it's so rock n' roll."

"Watch this one go out there and try to get a scar like it," Clarke comments to Cam who rolls her eyes laughing at their antics.

Lexa joins them with some cereal and a milk carton. She sits next to Cam and smiles at her softly. Her voice still tender from sleep she says "hi" softly to her girlfriend and leaves a peck on her cheek, trying not to grab anyone else's attention. Clarke looks away. She's pretty sure Octavia and Bellamy are the only other two people in the camp besides herself who know the nature of their relationship. Cam blushes and then pushes Lexa away, "good morning," she grumbles at the rest of the table.

"Mornin'!" Octavia chirps. Lexa cringes at how loud she sounds and then nods at Clarke in acknowledgement of her presence.

Clarke simply says, "hey." Lexa chews her Cinnamon Toast Crunch loudly and Clarke takes a bite of her apple. Octavia glances between the two of them then to Cam. Cam is the only one that seems unaffected by the sudden awkwardness. 

"Hey, uh, Clarke, did you want to... join us today?" Lexa tries. "You can help Cam lead, or something..."

She looks to Cam who looks super excited, "is that okay?"

"Okay?!" Cam grins, "that's great! I'd love it if you joined. I bet you're a great singer."

"She is," both Octavia and Lexa say at the same time.

Cam elbows Lexa softly on the side, "but I'm your favorite, right?" she whispers in Lexa's ear and winks at Clarke to let her know it's a joke and not meant to hurt, and it shouldn't. She's moving on. 

Clarke stands up anyway when she sees Bellamy walking toward the back of the cafeteria. "I gotta go, guys. Need to talk to Bell about... something."

Octavia hums suspiciously and Cam says, "we'll all see you in a bit for rehearsal right?"

"Yeah, maybe." She leaves the table. She's not planning on joining rehearsal or worship today. She's making progress with Cam and Lexa and being around them and their relationship but she's not trying to actively put herself in the situation if she can avoid it. 

She catches up to Bellamy and grabs him by the arm. "Please tell me we have an important meeting right now so I can get away from having to sing with Cam and Lexa."

"Uh," he says in his deep voice (that's even deeper in the morning), "we didn't but we can definitely have one now. Emergencies happen all the time, you know?" He grins and wraps his arm around her shoulder. 

"This is why I love you!" She kisses him on the cheek.

* * *

Her second day off comes the next day. It's Saturday morning and she is excited to spend most of it in bed. She has plans to go into town for lunch and then maybe go watch a movie by herself. She's been meaning to catch the new _Power Rangers_  movie. What? That show was a huge part of her childhood.

She starts getting ready to go at around eleven thirty. She showers and takes her time in the warm water. After getting dressed she makes her way down the path to the back of the chapel where her car is parked.

Of course, as always, right as she's getting there Lexa and Cam are leaving the chapel. "Hey!" Cam gives her a hug. "Oh you feel  _soft_ ," she comments. "Where you off to?"

"Going into town, it's my day off," keys in hand, she points to the car.

"Hey! It's Lex's day off too. Maybe you guys should go together - didn't you say you wanted to go check out that music store, babe?"

Lexas eyes widen and she is quick to try and dismiss the idea, "oh, no," she waves her hands at Clarke as if to say 'forget it,' "you really don't have to take her seriously. I can take my Jeep."

"That's silly, Lex," Cam says. "You can carpool and save the Earth." She smiles at Clarke. "Please take this grumpy lady away from here. She needs a break, you know how it is." 

Clarke feels trapped. She can't say no without coming off as rude to Cam and she would definitely have to explain why not. The only way she could explain that is by telling Cam the truth and she doesn't want to do that, at all. She looks at Lexa who's waiting on her probably hoping that she says no. "Sure. You ready or do you need to grab anything?" She points toward the way they just came from?

Lexa looks at Cam, "do I have everything?" she asks her girlfriend who rolls her eyes at her.

Cam checks around them for children and other staff. She doesn't see anyone so she quickly leans forward to give Lexa a peck on the lips. "Go. I'm jealous you get to go, so go before I make you stay here even though you don't have to."

"Ok," Lexa smiles at her and licks her lips, embarrassed that Clarke's still there.

Clarke motions to the car again, "I'll get it started."

She waves at Cam and gets behind the wheel. She turns the car on and busies herself with finding a good radio station while Cam apparently gives Lexa instructions and Lexa just nods obediently. A few minutes later Cam hugs Lexa and pushes her to the car. "Sorry," Lexa apologizes as soon as she gets in the car. "She has a list of things that she needs to restock on and wants me to bring back, plus she really thinks I need the day to forget about camp duties."

"No worries," Clarke assures her. She finds herself saying, "you're lucky. She's a good one." It reminds her of the argument they had when Lexa had said a similar thing.

"Yeah," Lexa agrees quiety. "Sorry she invited me to come along with you."

"Don't worry about it." Clarke finally pulls away and into the road. 

They drive in silence for a while. Clarke singing along softly to the music from the Christian station and Lexa looking out the window. The two of them stay that way until they reach the edge of town when Clarke asks if Lexa has a preference for food.

"Burgers?" she offers.

"Oh, yes, please." Clarke agrees immediately. 

There's a nice burger joint right at the entrance and they stop there to eat. The atmosphere is old school but Clarke's been here a few times in the past years so she feels right at home. Lexa picks up the menu, gives it a glance and decides, "I know what I want."

"What?! How's that possible? You barely looked!"

Lexa shrugs, "classic cheeseburger all the way. You don't need anything more than the patty, cheese, buns and a couple pickles."

"That's so lame. I'm surprised," Clarke comments, still undecided. There are a two options she's trying to decide between: a chicken burger with hickory barbecue and bacon or a turkey burger with avocado. "Bacon and chicken or turkey, Lexa?" she asks her companion for the day.

"Ugh," Lexa replies without thinking, "you _would_ be one of those people that likes turkey burgers."

"So bacon and chicken it is," Clarke says smiling at Lexa's comment, and then replies, "turkey burgers are delicious."

"And not real burgers," Lexa mutters and starts fidgeting with her phone. 

When the waitress comes over they order burgers, fries, and milk shakes. It feels nice, just the two of them enjoying each other's company without so much tension and bad feelings. They could be friends, she decides. 

She asks, "so how did you two meet?" 

Lexa looks up from her phone in surprise. She takes a moment to decide if she wants to go there and seems to think it's okay to, so she replies, "we met at a gig I played with a friend's band. She was in the audience."

"So a groupie!" Clarke jokes. She is trying to play it cool. She feels like one of those people that like being in pain, _what's the term for it again?_ she wonders to herself. Oh, right, she must be a masochist to keep asking about this. She didn't realize how much she wouldn't be able to stop thinking about Cam and Lexa, Lexa and Cam. She wants to be both of their friends, she wants this not to be an issue but she is asking more out of jealousy with selfish intentions than out of curiosity. It's not her fault that she got stuck with Lexa.

Lexa narrows her eyes at her in response and ignores the joke, "she came up to me, said she loved my playing, and asked if I'd be interested in being in a real band."

"You're in a band together?" Clarke tries to hold in her judgement. 

Laughing, Lexa shakes her head, "no. It was her excuse to get my number. We met for a 'pre-first-rehearsal meeting'," she gestures quotation marks, "if that's even a thing that exists, and it was just us." 

"Clever girl."

"Yeah, I mean like, I was totally weirded out at first. Cam's a little weird," Lexa chuckles mostly to herself. Clarke finds herself chuckling along without any malice. "But she's amazing. She's good to me."

The waitress brings them their food and Clarke begins to stuff her face with fries. "How long have you been together?"

"Well, we met in February so it'll be four months soon."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Going places."

Lexa takes a big bite of her burger, "I hope so."

Clarke's quiet for a moment while she chews on her burger and then tells Lexa, "I missed you too."

* * *

After food, they went to get some things that Cam had asked Lexa to bring back. Lexa told Clarke that they didn't really have to go so she didn't go too much out of the initial plans she had for her day but Clarke told her that it was fine. After purchasing Cam's list of items, they end up at the music store that Clarke bought Lexa's gift last summer. It's the place Lexa really wanted to see. She loves small town music stores because they always have treasures for someone like her to find.

Clarke lets Lexa do her thing and just follows her around asking silly questions or making jokes about album covers. Lexa entertains her and although they could be walking on egg shells, it doesn't feel too strained for most part. Clarke realizes she just really enjoys being around Lexa. She's always felt comforting and safe from the first moment they met. It explains why Clarke's felt drawn to her from day one and why she continues to be attracted to her presence. Lexa finds a few music sheets that she's interested in and some vinyls that she gushes about until they get back in the car. 

She finds herself staring at Lexa more often than she should be. It's kind of pathetic. The more time she spends time with her, the more Clarke feels like a shittier person for still having a crush on Lexa when she's happy with her current girlfriend and her girlfriend is so nice.

Clarke can't be this girl. She won't be this girl and she won't do this to either Cam or Lexa. She has to tell Lexa this: how she feels and why she probably shouldn't be hanging out with Lexa for a while.

So Clarke forgoes  _Power Rangers_ for the sake of her sanity and out of respect for Cam because going to the movies with someone else's girlfriend when she has a crush on her doesn't seem like a good thing to do. Lexa questions why they aren't going to the movie theater only when they pass the burger joint on their way back to camp and Clarke just shrugs in response, "it's been a long day," she lies.

Lexa doesn't seem to agree with the response but just says, "sorry again I ruined your plans."

"Not a big deal, Lexa, I promise." 

"It's still early, Clarke," Lexa tries to argue with going back so soon. "We can still catch the movie. What are you even gonna do back at camp so soon? You'll end up working or something."

"Sounds about right," Clarke agrees and goes silent.

"You're doing that thing you do," Lexa points out.

"What thing?"

"That thing where your responses get all short after you've over-analyzed a situation."

Clarke gasps and denies it, "I don't know what you're talking about." Then she adds for good measure, "I talk a lot after I've over-analyzed a situation because I am trying to overcompensate for the stuff I've come up with in my head and to make an attempt to fix whatever -" she stops talking when she realizes Lexa's smug look. "That's not fair! You tricked me."

Lexa says, "come on. Let's turn around."

She sighs in defeat and does a U-turn a few miles away from town. Then she tells Lexa, "I don't want to give the wrong impression."

"To whom?"

"To Cam... or you."

"You're not. Cam is literally the least jealous person in the world." Then she adds, "and I know you don't like me anymore so."

Oh. Right.  _How_ can Lexa think that? But she doesn't try to argue it. "I- just don't want to hurt Cam's feelings."

"The only way it would hurt her feelings it would be if she hadn't already seen it. We watched it when it came out so she's good." Lexa gives Clarke a reassuring smile and confirms at the face Clarke makes, "promise. She spent the 2 days after we say the movie pretending to be a Power Ranger. It was... an interesting time." 

They start laughing. "Which one is she?"

"The red, of course."

More laughing. "I'm the yellow one. I didn't want to be the pink when I was younger just because she was pink and I was the president of the 'Girls Against Pink' club."

Lexa nods, "see already fighting those hetero-normative ideas from such a young age. I'm proud."

The movie is great. Clarke is all kinds of excited when they leave and Lexa lets her talk her ear off all the way back to camp. When they get there and she parks the car, Clarke feels a little sad that their day together is over. Still, when she sees Cam coming out of her cabin to meet Lexa and they hug in greeting, she goes back to her thoughts that maybe she shouldn't spend so much time with Lexa  _because_ of the way she's feeling right now. She doesn't belong to Clarke and Cam makes everything exponentially harder. She hates herself. Hates,  _hates_ the way she hopes Lexa will look at her before they disappear into the chapel. Hates how she's waiting by her car, fiddling with her keys, curious whether Lexa still feels the connection she feels. Hates the way she knows Cam will be hurt if she finds out that Clarke's in love with her girlfriend, regardless of whether or not she's a jealous girl.

"Fuck."

* * *

**Week 6**

It's hoedown weekend and Clarke is excited for it. It is her favorite night of camp and she literally spends all camp looking forward to it. She bought a new outfit before camp specifically for this night. She's in white jeans, a blue and green plaid shirt, unbuttoned with a grey undershirt, and brown boots. Her cowboy hat matches the boots and the belt she has on. Her hair is in a braid under the hat. 

The past week has been difficult. Trying to avoid Cam at this point of the game would be mean so she hangs out with her when she's alone, but whenever Lexa joins she finds an excuse to walk away. Lexa hasn't said anything but she knows Lexa's realized it the third time it happened. 

Cam helped with most of the decorations for the hoedown this year. It's nice having an extra set of hands to help especially when Clarke has a million other things to do. The rest of the staff helps but everyone has their own duties to fulfill that Cam's duty ended up being the hoedown. She really went all out and decorated the entire gym as a small town with a jail and church for weddings. There's a stage where the band has been set up and Lexa's been put in charge of country (Christian) music (at Clarke's reminder). In the middle of the room there's a dance floor for the line dancing that's bound to happen, and on the side opposite the stage is the table with food and drinks. There's a popcorn machine and that's Clarke's favorite thing Cam got. "You did an amazing job," she tells Cam when the girl joins her at the drinks table. "How did you pull all this off in such a short time?"

"Thanks," Cam smiles. "I have connections in all the right places," she whispers as if it's a secret. "Just kidding. My mother has an event planning business. I borrowed everything from her warehouse."

"Very cool!" Clarke exclaims. "The kids love the hoedown, and they'll love this year's even more thanks to you."

"Do you want to go dance?" Cam asks, extending a hand in invitation.

Clarke looks at the hand and takes it. They go to the middle of the floor and begin line-dancing side-by-side to the song Lexa's band is playing. Clarke's having so much fun with Cam that for a moment she forgets her ordeal. 

It doesn't last long. The moment she looks up, grinning harder than she has in a while, her eyes land on Lexa's face. Their eyes burn. Clarke missteps and bumps into a kid. The kid trips and falls. She starts to cry so Clarke picks her up in her arms, "I'm sorry, Nancy. I'm so sorry," she shushes and takes her to a table to soothe her. Not long after, Nancy's fine so she goes back to dancing with her friends. Clarke steps outside for oxygen.

When the music stops a few minutes after that she knows what's about to happen and braces herself for it.

"I feel like I always join you," Lexa's voice breaks the silence. Clarke remembers exactly the last time Lexa told her this. Finn broke off their engagement on the day of the hoedown last year and Lexa found her outside the gym moping. Lexa keeps talking as she sits next to Clarke, "You're always sitting, moping, and I end up coming to you, joining you."

"I know what you're doing."

"You know what I realized before the movie last weekend?"

"What?"

"You didn't correct me when I said you didn't like me anymore." Lexa's always been honest, Clarke can't fault her for that.

She might as well be honest back, "I didn't." 

Lexa sighs. She wraps her arms around her bent knees. They're sitting on the steps and they're too short a distance from the ground so her knees end up right against her chest. "I get it now, why you didn't want to go to the movies and why you've been avoiding me this week."

"I thought it was pretty obvious."

"Yeah, I guess I was trying to pretend it wasn't true because that would make it easier being around you."

Clarke looks up at the moon, "we can't keep going around in circles like this, Lex. And I hate feeling like I'm lying to Cam."

Lexa looks at Clarke, she can feel her stare. "Me too." Lexa stands, "I'm gonna go back in there."

"What do you mean you too?" Clarke asks before she leaves.

She looks behind them as if Cam would be standing right there; maybe hoping to see her, maybe not. "You know, I had to lie to myself that last summer wasn't a thing because it was so incredibly short lived and I barely know you..." Lexa confesses and it's like she's inside Clarke's head. "I thought that it was impossible for me to still feel these things when I hadn't seen you in so long, when you did what you did, and like, I have a girlfriend." Lexa sits again but this time a little further away from Clarke and her legs stretched out in front of her. She slides her hands down her legs and then back up and continues after a deep breath. "Cam is perfect, Clarke. She's good to me, and she's good to everyone around her, and I don't deserve her. I don't want to hurt her but I -"

Clarke's holding her breath. Lexa seems to have finally realized how much she's said. 

"You what?" Clarke encourages her, her need to know taking over.

"-I should at least tell her our history as insignificant as it was, right?"

"You feel it too, though?" Clarke asks to confirm. "This like, whatever it is - it's just _right_? Like -"

"Yes, I feel it too." Lexa says sadly. Clarke gets it. The problem is not that they like - are possibly in love with - each other. The problem is the fact that there is another real human being with feelings that may get hurt from this situation. "I need some time, okay?" She asks Clarke, even though Clarke didn't demand anything of her. It sounds like Lexa's made a decision for herself and she needs Clarke to respect it so Clarke just nods to say,  _hey take all the time you need_.

Lexa gets up and goes back inside, not one glance back.

* * *

**Week 7**

Talent Show Sunday comes and goes without a hitch. The entire thing runs smoothly, unlike last year. Lexa does an amazing job as always with the kids as the person responsible for the talent show. Clarke tries not to stare too hard while she does her thing up on stage but she can't help it. At the end of the talent show, the kids are all given participatory medals and they take pictures. 

The next day is a dark rainy summer day. Clarke drags herself out of bed and goes on about her day annoyed at the drizzle that accompanies her. Eventually she realizes that today is a gloomy day for a reason larger than the rain. Her suspicion is confirmed when noon comes around and she doesn't see Lexa eating lunch with Cam in the cafeteria.

She finds Lexa lying back on the dock, the rain having completely soaked her at this point. "You're going to get us sick," Clarke says and sits cross-legged near Lexa.

"Nobody asked you to come here," Lexa's response comes.

"You shouldn't be alone." After a beat of silence Clarke tells her, "you did a great job yesterday."

Opening one eye to look at her, Lexa says, "thanks." She breathes out deeply, sits up and then adds, "Costia used to love the rain. She would do this thing that drove me crazy, like every time it rained she would like to go out into the rain and open her arms to 'take it all in.'" Lexa scoffs, "she would get the sniffles every single time after but she didn't care."

Clarke chuckles at the anecdote and confesses, "I hate the rain." She moves herself to the edge of the dock, near where Lexa sat, but doesn't come nearer. The distance is good.

"Me too," Lexa tells her. "Well, I kinda like if I can stay indoors, you know, watching a movie or cozied up under a blanket."

"Yes! I love the pitter-patter of rain on my window when I'm trying to sleep; I knock out so fast."

"I think I'm going to break up with Cam."

At first it doesn't register. Clarke's mind is still trying to catch up with the conversation about rain and next thing she knows: "what?!" The rain stops for a beat and Clarke appreciates the brief rest.

Lexa shrugs, "I really like her but I can't stay with her when I want someone else."

Clarke asks before she checks herself, "wait, I'm that someone else?" Then, "shit." Then, "shit, sorry for cussing." She's just so nervous at what Lexa's telling her. If she understands this right Lexa's decision after last week's conversation boils down to breaking up with Cam because she has feelings for Clarke. But Clarke can't be responsible for this.

She says, "don't make any harsh decisions on my account, Lex."

"It's not just you." Lexa reassures Clarke. "It's not fair to Cam. She's a great girl and she deserves someone that is capable of giving her everything."

Lexa's right, Clarke knows, but how are they to know that if they gave them a shot that it would work? Clarke's not out to her parents, she doesn't think she will be for a while, and would Lexa be okay with that? How would a relationship play out like that? Clarke doesn't voice her worries for now because she doesn't want to seem presumptuous. Maybe Lexa isn't even considering being with her, they didn't talk about that, did they? All they have talked about is how they feel about each other and that was barely even a real conversation.

"Am I crazy?" Lexa asks Clarke, green eyes burning into hers. "Don't answer that," she decides after a moment and looks away, right as Clarke was about to open her mouth to speak. 

The rain starts falling again. Clarke tilts her head up into the sky letting the water fall on her face. For lack of knowing what else to do, Clarke is taking Costia's advice and trying to let it all in. Or, rather, maybe hoping that the rain will wash it all and create a new beginning for her.

"What are you doing?" Lexa asks her.

"Come on, try it." Clarke tells Lexa. Lexa stares and then scoffs, "you know you want to."

Lexa does as told. They sit there like that for another five minutes when Clarke starts getting cold and demands they get out of the rain.

* * *

They're in her cabin both wrapped in blankets, trying to fight off the cold and shivers from the rain. Lexa is sitting on the couch way at the edge almost scared to be in there. In fact, it took Clarke quite a lot of manipulation and convincing to get Lexa in the cabin. She knows why but neither talk about it. Instead, they're just sitting there waiting but on what no one knows.

Clarke offers Lexa a tea but she refuses to accept it. They go back to silence.

"I should go," Lexa says and cringes. "I really need to find Cam."

As Lexa get up, Clarke immediately does too. She wants to say so much but at the same time wouldn't be sure how to. 

"I'm sorry, you know?" She offers.

The last time they were in this cabin, she was apologetic also.

"It's not your fault, Clarke." Lexa assures her with a tinge of annoyance in her voice that Clarke would think that but Clarke is quick to let her know that's not what she means.

"No," Clarke lifts her hands to stop her. "I mean, I am apologizing for how I handled what happened last summer. I get it now, why you were upset with my reaction..."

Lexa softly says, "oh."

"Yeah." Clarke motions for Lexa to sit again. They sit and she turns to face her friend, "I just really want you to know that I am sorry for my part in what happened but more importantly for not trusting you."

She dismisses it with a head nod, "it's in the past now."

"I just -" Clarke fidgets in her seat and feels herself blush as she adds. "I'm not ready to come out to my family, Lexa. So, if that's a deal-breaker for you, please don't do anything you may regret for something uncertain."

Lexa nods to let her know she's listening. "I hear you. Thank you for being honest with me." She stands this time and walks to the door, Clarke following closely behind, wondering what will happen to them. "Thanks for the blanket," she hands it back to Clarke who takes it and tries to remain unaffected by the touch of their fingers. 

Before Lexa leaves Clarke asks, "we can still be friends, right?"  _In case we can't be together_ goes unsaid.

"Of course!" Lexa promises as she races down the steps of Clarke's porch. 

* * *

**Week 8**  

"I've been looking for you everywhere."

"I've been here."

Bellamy sighs, "I guess this is the first place I should have checked," he smirks. "I thought you'd be brooding by the lake."

She pulls him in by the arm and tells him, "nope. Just been drinking wine all night in here. Want some?"

"Yes, please," he agrees and sits on the couch. Clarke's watching  _Pretty Little Liars_ reruns. "Dude,  _really_?"

"What? I like this show, sue me." She brings him a glass and settles on the other end of the couch, legs tucked underneath her. "What brings you here?"

Bellamy rolls his eyes, "what's going on with you and Lexa?" he questions.

Clarke rolls her eyes in response, "I'm not sure. She's been radio silent since last week and I'm not really sure where we stand."

"I see... well, it's been a couple of days since they broke up right?" Clarke nods. "Do you know if Cam knows why?" Clarke shakes her head. "I mean, yeah, gotta give it time."

She squints her eyes at him and asks, "is this the only reason why you came here?"

"We're friends! I just want to make sure you're okay." He smiles and she for sure knows he wants something else. 

"Spill."

"Fine! I'm plotting a prank on Octavia and Lincoln, you in?"

She had nothing better to do so why not? Clarke let Bellamy talk her into a prank on his sister and her boyfriend so they plan to leave her cabin in an hour to prepare everything. Of course why her luck, as soon as she opens the door Lexa is standing there.

"Can we talk?" Lexa asks, eyes drifting behind Clarke to see the boy's director in her cabin. She knows they're friends but it certainly doesn't look appropriate. She tries to keep a straight face and greets him, "hey, Bell."

"Hi, Lexa," he responds from behind Clarke. I'm going to finish this episode of  _PLL_..." he points behind him. "You guys, talk," he stresses at Clarke.

Clarke nods at him and closes the door behind her. She walks to the steps where Lexa's standing and sits, pulling Lexa down with her.

Lexa doesn't say anything for a heavy moment so Clarke urges her, "Lex, you wanted to talk?" She's been so curious. She wasn't expecting this today but she's more than willing to hear what Lexa wants to tell her. "Are you okay?" She starts, wondering how Lexa is taking the break up. She's been wanting to ask but didn't think she could.

"I'm fine," she assures Clarke. "I broke up with Cam on Tuesday."

"I know."

"You know?" 

"Cam told Octavia, who told Bell, who told me."

"Right."

"So you're okay, though?" Clarke confirms again.

Lexa nods, "sure. I want you to know that I'm going to need some time... you know, before anything could happen between us. I also don't want to do that to Cam. She deserves my respect."

"Of course," Clarke nods. She wants nothing more than to hug Lexa right now anyway but doesn't. Instead she just scoots closer and lets their thighs touch. "Thank you for telling me."

Lexa chuckles, "you already knew."

"Hearing from you is important."

"You really like me?" Lexa asks Clarke in the smallest voice she's ever heard Lexa use.

Clarke nods and insists in keeping eye contact when Lexa almost looks away, "I really do. I think you're great."

She smiles and says, "Ditto. Ok, that's all I wanted to say. We'll talk after camp, ok?"

Finn had told her the same thing at this very camp last year. The difference is that he was calling off their engagement and Lexa is alluding to starting a relationship. Clarke smiles back and says, "ok."

"It's late, I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow for worship."

"Bye."

Lexa leaves and Clarke watches her disappear down the path toward the chapel. Her heart feels full of hope and love. She wants nothing more than to shout of joy but controls herself. Lexa was right - they need to respect Cam and her feelings. She can wait as long as Lexa needs her to wait, especially if she's asking Lexa to wait back. She can wait. She can definitely wait.

She runs back into her cabin and finds Bellamy asleep on her couch, and how?? She was barely gone ten minutes. She debates waking him up so they can go play the prank but decides against and covers him in a blanket. She pecks him on the cheek and tells the sleeping boy, "we'll talk after camp!" The squeal at the end is not intended but he doesn't wake up so she turns off the TV and goes into her room.

* * *

**Week 9**

After the last parent signs out their kid, Clarke's exhausted. She looks up to Bellamy on his side of things and he grins at her. They both love camp but it's also great when it's over. She stands and they hug. Her mother and father look just as exhausted, as well as the rest of the staff. This time Lexa is there to see the kids off. Cam is too, which makes Clarke happy to see she didn't let the break up affect her commitment to the kids.

Everyone starts packing their things to leave the summer camp and go back to the real world. She'll be driving home alone, which is how she came anyway, and she's used to it, but she sees Cam and Lexa awkwardly talking about the the drive back; they came together, they're driving back together. She wishes she could do something for them to help but she would feel like an awful human being if she offered to drive either of them back. It would either seem like she was being fake (if she offered to take Cam), or like she didn't care about Cam's feelings (if she offered to take Lexa), especially now that Cam is supposedly aware of their history.

She simply finishes packing and began saying her goodbyes. Cam promises her to keep in touch when she comes to give Clarke a hug and it both warms and breaks Clarke's heart. It doesn't seem like Cam's opinion of her changed. Lexa comes after Cam's already in the car. They hug briefly although Clarke feels like she wants to get lost in Lexa's arms. "I'll call you," Lexa promises.

"Okay, bye. Have a safe trip!" Lexa walks back to her Jeep and gets behind the driver's seat to drive away.

Clarke's trip home is uneventful and she unpacks as soon as she arrives otherwise she knows she won't get to until three months after she's back. That can't happen. She finishes putting away anything that doesn't need to be washed and starts her first load of clothes when she gets a text. 

**Lexa:** did you make it home okay?

**Clarke:** I did, did you and Cam?

**Lexa:** yes, I just dropped her off 20 mins ago and I'm getting home now.

**Clarke** : thanks for checking in on me.

**Lexa:** get used to it, director :p

* * *

**Three weeks later**

The two had been constantly talking but nothing more than a few check-ins here and there, usually started by Lexa. Clarke wants Lexa to know she respects her but the more they talk and don't  _talk_ about what's going to happen (if anything will happen), the more she wants to. 

Three weeks later, Clarke is sitting at home in a t-shirt and no pants her curly hair tossed up in a messy bun, reading a book she's been meaning to finish for almost a year now. She's on her couch, cross-legged, and immersed in the words swimming in the pages of the book in her hands. Her phone rings and she smiles at the caller ID.

"Hi," she greets the grin forming automatically.

Lexa greets back, "hey yourself, what are you doing?"

"Right now?" Clarke asks and answers, "reading."

"Wild." Lexa jokes and chuckles on the other end. "You're so vanilla, Clarke." She jokes.

Clarke scoffs and laughs at the same time, "says who!" When all Lexa does is laugh in response she keeps speaking, "why? Did you have plans for me?"

"Actually, yes. Get down here."

"What?!" Clarke gets up from the couch and pulls her t-shirt down to cover her legs while she walks to her window. Through the crack and the light coming from the streetlamp outside her apartments, she can make out Lexa leaning against her jeep. "Ugh, _what are you doing here_ , crazy?" she whispers into her phone. "It's like," she checks the phone for the time, "eleven!"

"Come on, don't make me beg. I'm trying to romance you or whatever it is the kids do these days." Lexa continues speaking into the phone. Clarke watches the girl and feels her heart swell from the love streaming in. She can almost make out the green of Lexa's eyes staring at her like that even so far away from her. 

Clarke says, "I gotta put on pants-"

"-Or not," Lexa murmurs. Clarke chuckles and shakes her head.

"I'll be down soon. Romancing you say?" She can do flirty. With Lexa anything is easy (except apparently coming to terms with their feelings).

Lexa sighs, "okay, but hurry." Her voice is so soft when she says it Clarke almost forgets that she's supposed to get dressed. She just wants to run down the stairs and fall into Lexa's arms. 

"Should we hang up?" Clarke asks.

"But why?" Lexa asks back.

Not seeing any fault in Lexa's argument Clarke uses her shoulder and ear to support the phone to keep talking. She finds the first pair of jeans and drags it up her legs, jumping to help it make it up her butt. "Where we going?"

"Don't worry about it."

She considers putting on a bra but decides against it, and finds some Uggs to throw on. She really hopes Lexa meant it when she said she likes her.

"Of course I worry about it," she argues. "I barely met you; you could take me anywhere and possibly murder me." She argues only for the sake of arguing because she would trust Lexa to walk her across a rope bridge with eyes closed. 

Lexa tells her, "we met over a year ago. But hurry, seriously!"

"Fine." Clarke says and checks around for anything else she needs. On her way out the door she grabs her wallet. "I'm coming, meanie."

"Finally!" Then, "I can't wait to see you."

Clarke stops her run down to let the words roll over her. "Me neither," she says honestly. They've been talking but they haven't really hung out. In fact, now Clarke realizes that Lexa shouldn't know where she lives. "Wait."

"What?"

"How do you know where I live?"

Clarke can practically  _hear_ Lexa roll her eyes on the other side if the tone is any indication, "we have  _mutual_ friends, Clarke." 

She opens the gate of her apartment as Lexa is saying that. They both just stare at each other for a moment before turning off their phones at the same time. Clarke approaches Lexa slowly as she sticks her phone into her back pocket. Lexa smirks and pushes off the jeep, "I've been wanting to do this for a long time." She informs Clarke.

"Do wha-" before Clarke can finish speaking Lexa pulls her in by the forearm and kisses her. "Oh." Clarke hums into the kiss. 

When they break away Clarke blinks her daze away and smiles up at Lexa, "Hi to you too."

"Was that too forward of me? I apologize if it was." Lexa is quick to say although the smile on her face betrays her.

Clarke has yet to pull away. Instead she wraps her arms around Lexa's neck. "Do I look like I'm upset at you?" She raises one single eyebrow as a challenge then leans in and gives Lexa another kiss, softer this time. "Thank you for asking though."

Lexa shrugs and tightens her hold of Clarke's waist. "You want to go somewhere with me?" She looks down at Clarke. "I'll let you come even if you owe a pair of Uggs."

"Ugh," Clarke slaps her away. Lexa's laughing while she opens the door of her Jeep for Clarke to climb aboard. "I hate you," but she doesn't mean it. Lexa helps her up. "Thanks," she says bashfully and Lexa gives her a kiss on the back of her hand.

Lexa runs around the front of the Jeep and settles behind the driver's wheel. "So," she starts. "You ready?"

Clarke groans, "where are we going? I have work in the morning!"

"Call in," Lexa tells her and grabs her hand, interweaving their fingers. Clarke stares and can't contain her smile. "You  _work_?"

"Of course I work. What did you think I do the rest of the year?"

"I don't know if this is a good idea," Lexa keeps blabbing. Clarke just loves watching her speak. She's focused on driving, which is fine by Clarke because the girl's profile is beautiful. It looks like it's been carved out from marble. Clarke hums to let her know she's listening so she finishes, "I didn't even know you work, how is this relationship going to work?"

That makes Clarke come back to the conversation, "We're in a relationship now?"

Lexa ignores her, "what do you even do?"

Clarke ignores that she ignored her question and answers with another, "what do you  _think_ I do?" Then she runs a finger up Lexa's arm, "and there is a wrong answer to this."

"Shit," Lexa mumbles. "I walked right into that one." Then, "we can't start a relationship on that kind of pressure, Clarke."

"So it is a relationship."

"Are you a doctor?"

Clarke gasps. "How did you know to guess doctor?"

Lexa shrugs, "I just guessed. From watching you with the kids you have that air about you." She explains. "I promise I didn't ask our friends, nor did I stalk your Facebook."

"I'm not a doctor though," Clarke lets her down easy before she gets too excited. "I did go to med school but no."

"How can we be in a relationship if you're not a doctor?"

Clarke squeezes Lexa's hand, "guess!"

Lexa smiles again, those beautiful lips parting in such a charming way, Clarke would throw herself into it if it was the ocean parting. "Give me a hint."

She rolls her eyes but acquiesces anyway, "it has to do with the activity I take care of at camp."

"You're an artist?" Lexa's eyes twinkle at the realization. Clarke nods, shrugs, then shakes her head. "Well, what is it?"

She says, "I am an artist. Trying to make it, you know?"

"I bet you're amazing," Lexa says. She pulls the Jeep into an empty field off a random street. Clarke starts to worry about the possible-murder thing again but Lexa reassures Clarke with a caress of her thumb. She pulls her in for a kiss, "come on."

Clarke follows her out of the Jeep. Lexa doesn't turn it off though, instead she turns her high beams and turns up the volume of the music player. She runs over to Clarke and selects the song on her phone. The music comes on just loud enough that they can barely hear the strings and the melodic voice of the singer.

"Take off your Uggs," Lexa orders and Clarke does so just because she asked. Lexa follows suit and takes off her own shoes. 

Clarke's confusion shows on her face but when Lexa opens her palm Clarke knows what she's doing. "This  _is_ kind of romantic."

"I thought so. And it's Ed Sheeran, doesn't get any more romantic than that."

"You know I don't know who that is, right?"

Lexa looks affronted but Clarke chuckles and gives her a peck, "kidding, love." Lexa begins to sway them to the rhythm of the song. Clarke nests her head on Lexa's shoulder and lets herself be guided by the girl holding her. Lexa wraps one arm around Clarke's waist and grabs the other hand in hers, lifting it up to about their shoulder. Clarke jokes, "I look a mess right now." She looks down to her raggedy shirt, worn out jeans and barefoot. 

Pulling her even closer, Lexa brings up Clarke's face with a finger to her chin. Their eyes lock and Clarke witnesses Lexa literally lose her breath for a beat. "Impossible," Lexa mutters. Even softer than that she whispers underneath her breath, "darlin', you look perfect tonight."

The last part, Clarke thinks Lexa didn't mean for her to hear it.

_I found a love for me_  
_Darling, just dive right in and follow my lead_  
_Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet_  
_Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me_  
  
_'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love_  
_Not knowing what it was_  
_I will not give you up this time_  
_But darling, just kiss me slow,_  
_Your heart is all I own_  
_And in your eyes you're holding mine_  
  
_Baby, I'm dancing in the dark_  
_With you between my arms_  
_Barefoot on the grass,_  
_Listening to our favorite song_  
_When you said you looked a mess,_  
_I whispered underneath my breath_  
_But you heard it,_  
_Darling, you look perfect tonight_

She begins singing in Clarke's ear along with Ed Sheeran, her voice angelic. Clarke won't admit it right now but she will later, that this is the moment she knows they will make it; they will be together forever and nothing will bring them apart. Lexa is home and her every strength and beauty all rolled into one. She's strong and fun and perfect. In Lexa's eyes she can see their entire future - just them, in love. And maybe, after a while of just them, children. They'll go to camp together like she goes with her parents until they're able to buy the camp from her parents. Whatever it is, she's happy right now: barefoot and messy hair, messy heart, messy love - but she wouldn't trade it for anything.

_Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know_  
_She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home_  
_I found a lover to carry more than just my secrets_  
_To carry love, to carry children of our own_

_We are still kids but we're so in love_  
_Fighting against all odds_  
_I know we'll be alright this time_  
_Darling, just hold my hand_  
_Be my girl, I'll be your woman_  
_I see my future in your eyes_

_Baby, I'm dancing in the dark_  
_With you between my arms_  
_Barefoot on the grass_  
_Listening to our favourite song_  
_I have faith in what I see_  
_Now I know I have met an angel in person_  
_And she looks perfect,_  
_I don't deserve this_  
_You look perfect tonight_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning 2 more chapters. :) After this is mostly just sappy stuff.


	3. I Belong to You - the 3rd summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their 3rd summer together at camp. They've been in a relationship for almost a year but Clarke still hasn't come out to her parents. Lexa's been patient but Clarke is struggling.

_I know I could be spending a little too much time with you_

_But time and too much don't belong together like we do_  
_If I had all my yesterdays I'd give 'em to you too_  
_I belong to you now_  
_I belong to you_

[I Belong to You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyWdXez59Wg) **\- Brandi Carlile**

**7 Months before (November)**

Three months later, when Lexa arrives to Clarke's for date night, Clarke's standing at her door waiting on her girlfriend in a black lingerie set. It took a lot of thinking and talking about it before she decided that she is ready for this step. Lexa's been patient, as always, and Clarke's been honest about whether or not she wants to have sex before marriage. (Her and Finn had sex before and she believes - _used to believe, really_ - that is part of the reason why their relationship did not last.)

Lexa repeatedly tells Clarke that it is her decision and never pressures her because she is perfect and astounding and respectful. For those and many other reasons, the longer they're together, the more Clarke wants to let Lexa know she's _all_ hers: now, forever, and all of the yesterdays before they ever met. This is more than just an experience for her, and although she's not insecure to think Lexa will leave her if she doesn't put out soon enough, she no longer sees a reason to wait. They both know what they want, they're both old enough to make their own decisions, and they're both serious about the relationship.

So when the door opens and Lexa sees Clarke's outfit, the girl's jaw literally drops. She needs no instructions. Closing the door behind her she marches across the living room and picks Clarke up by the waist. Clarke wraps her legs around Lexa's middle and lets herself be carried into the bedroom. Lexa throws her on the bed and stalks on top of her, eyes dark and alive as ever before. Clarke smirks from underneath her love and whines, pulling her in by the neck. In response, Lexa growls and kisses her deeply. 

Clarke chuckles at her _girlfriend's_ (that term never gets old) eagerness and pulls away slowly. "Hi," she whispers when they're apart. Lexa is already breathing hard, still in between Clarke's legs where she's been a regular visitor in their recent makeout sessions (but no further than that).

"Did you know I love you?"

(They've known they are in love, they've just never said it out loud before. But they've  _known_.)

She adds, "I mean, I'm  _in love_ with you."

Lexa shakes her head and says, "shit, Clarke. You're going to give a girl a heart attack." She trails her fingers gently over the contours of Clarke's face, memorizing how she looks beneath her open and loving.

"I love the way you call me pretty," Clarke jokes with an eye roll and another kiss.

"Clarke," Lexa says seriously, "I think you're stunning, love. And I'm in love with you too." She gives Clarke a kiss back.

Clake nods along and then shakes her head, "I know. I missed you all day today." 

Lexa continues to caress Clarke with fingers in her hair, down her face, over hear ear. Clarke feels the love pouring through the fingertips and into her cells. "Me too," Clarke smiles at Lexa's response and gets even more comfortable on the bed. Lexa adjusts too. "Are you sure?" She asks, eyes trailing down Clarke's scantily clad body. If Clarke's reading this right, Lexa's in almost agony at the sight. Clarke bets that if she told her no right now the girl might burst. That's not the reason why she wants to keep going, but she finds it a little funny. 

"I am sure," she tells her with certainty in her voice. "I just want you," her voice breaks at the end of the sentence and she didn't realize much she meant that until it came out of her. 

The words make Lexa visibly shiver. Her lips part in a smile that turns into a grin and the sight makes Clarke melt. "You are perfect," Lexa whispers before leaning in one more time to kiss her, this time gentle as if she's trying to make sure Clarke feels safe. It works. Clarke tightens her legs and arms and makes sure Lexa is everywhere. 

**4 months before (February)**

Clarke wakes up with the smell of bacon and to the sound of _Mr. Brightside_ playing from the other room so she knows it'll be a great Saturday. (She only knows it's _Mr. Brightside_ because it's one of Lexa's favorite songs of all time and she plays it too often.)

It's been a while since she and Lexa found themselves at home the same day due to conflicting schedules but they have aligned once again and both are working weekdays only from now on. The art gallery where Clarke works had been putting on weekend expositions and Lexa was playing regularly with a band so most nights she was out. Clarke tried to make it to her shows but every so often she couldn't so they wouldn't see each other as she was gone early and Lexa needed to sleep in from a late night.

She really loves waking up to her girlfriend cooking though, that is truly a blessing. 

They're at Lexa's apartment that morning (and Clarke briefly wonders why they still pay for separate places - oh right,  _that_ ). Either way - she ignores _that_ train of thought and walks out of the bedroom in Lexa's favorite sweatshirt and undies on, looking for the source of her happiness and bacon. She sees Lexa in her grey sweatpants that hug her in all the right places and a simple white tee and feels herself fall even more in love, as if that was possible. 

Wrapping her arms around Lexa from behind she greets her with a kiss behind her ear. "Good morning, Lex." 

Lexa drops the pan on the stove and chides Clarke, "Clarke! You can't sneak up on me like that when I'm cooking." The pan continues to sizzle away and it looks kind of dangerous so Clarke pulls her away from the cooking and pushes her up against the counter. 

"I'm sorry, babe," Clarke says, not sorry at all. Lexa narrows her eyes at Clarke knowing full well she doesn't mean it. "Can I get a good morning?"

Lexa kisses her on the lips and says, "good morning, beautiful." Clarke watches as Lexa's annoyance leaves her body all at once.

"What are you listening to?" Clarke inquires, turning off the stove and moving the pan to a cold burner without moving from Lexa's arms. She is so well-versed in the song that's playing that she actually knows all the lyrics! "I think I know this," she jokes humming along to the tune and jumping in place. She throws her hands up and rocks her head, Lexa's hands drop to her waist to keep her as close as possible while she rocks out. 

Lexa laughs. She thinks Clarke is silly when she starts dancing to her songs but Clarke loves making Lexa laugh so she keeps doing it every time. "I neeeeveeeer," Clarke sings to Lexa and drops a kiss on her lips at the end of the phrase. Then again, "I neeveeeer," and pulls away from Lexa, her hands intertwining their fingers as she brings Lexa along to the middle of the kitchen. She drops her hands and watches Lexa's eyes focus on her bare legs. "Uh uh," she jokes, bringing Lexa's eyes to hers, "up here, naughty girl." 

Her girlfriend laughs again but doesn't hold off much longer before she's lifting Clarke to the counter on the opposite side from the stove. "You're hot," she quips and bites Clarke's lips, hands dragging over her thighs. Clarke knows how much Lexa loves her legs. She crosses her ankles behind Lexa's back and runs her fingers through Lexa's hair. 

"You're hotter. And you made breakfast, so you get brownie points for later." Clarke tells her wiggling her eyebrows.

Chuckling, Lexa kisses her deeply one last time before going back to the stove. Clarke misses her weight, her smell, her everything immediately and frowns dramatically. Lexa rolls her eyes at the sight, "Calm down, clingy. Be right back." Lexa says, "just want to make sure that the stove is off."

Clarke scoffs and throws the first thing she sees at Lexa's back which is a napkin. The napkin drops one feet away from her, anti-climatic, and Lexa guffaws at it. "Rude," she tells her, "your very nice girlfriend wants to spend time with you and you call me clingy!"

Lexa comes back to her and pulls her shirt off, Clarke's eyes and mouth widening at the sight of Lexa's breasts. Lexa's body is taut and tan and she has the most defined muscles. "Uh uh, up here," she jokes, snapping Clarke's eyes back to hers. They both smirk. "I just wanted to be safe before doing this," she explains before picking Clarke up again and practically tossing her over her shoulder. Lexa carries Clarke, kicking and squirming out of pure happiness, to the living room. Lexa's hands are, of course, right on Clarke's ass which just makes her laugh even harder. She tosses Clarke on the couch and climbs over it too, "I want to spend time with you too."

"Now we're talking," Clarke pulls her in. Breakfast is cold by the time they emerge from the couch. 

* * *

**1 month before (May)**

"I am  _not_ telling you that you have to come out, Clarke," Lexa says exasperated and gets up from the bed to get ready for work. Clarke stays in bed wrapped in Lexa's sheets (which at this point is both of theirs. She barely goes home, and they have been considering breaking her lease to make the move official), and watches her girlfriend push her curly hair off her face and tie it with a band. "I'm saying we're going back to camp in one month and they will probably figure it out; your parents aren't dumb." 

She is very aware of these facts. She's surprised they made it this long without them being suspicious. Clarke sighs and sits up, "I am aware, Lexa, I am trying here, okay?"

Lexa tilts her head at Clarke from where she's standing buttoning up her shirt. "I know, baby," Lexa assures her. She comes back to the edge of the bed on Clarke's side and gives her a firm kiss on the lips. "You should only come out when _you_ are ready to but it's the reality of the situation, love."

"Yes, I know," Clarke lets her forehead fall forward and find Lexa's, "I just need you to be patient with me a little longer." That's mostly to herself really. She knows Lexa isn't pressuring her. She knows Lexa is patient and caring to a fault and she wouldn't give her an ultimatum. Still she needs to ask.

"You take as long as you need," she reiterates. "I'll wait for you as long as it takes," she's so sure that Clarke almost considers never coming out but she wouldn't do that to Lexa. She wants a family and a home with her, they can't keep _all of that_ from her parents. 

She's not ashamed of their relationship or of Lexa. Her biggest concern is having to stop working at camp with the kids. She worries that if parents find out they may not want to send the kids anymore and that could ruin her parents' business. Most of all she worries her father won't accept her and that thought hurts. 

Lexa's reassured her over and over he would love her no matter what but Clarke's stubborn and scared, and a lot less brave than she'd hoped she would be about the whole thing. "I'll talk to them soon, I promise." 

Sighing Lexa stands to leave, "it takes as long as it takes."

* * *

Clarke sits on the steps of the local church her father will be guest preaching at this weekend. He's invited her for lunch after he's done with whatever he is doing in there and she's been trying to work up the courage to tell him about Lexa.  _Dad, I love Lexa and she loves me and I want to marry her someday_ , she practices saying over and over in her head. (She tried saying it out loud and almost puked.)

He emerges sooner than she thought he would and they take his car to a nearby restaurant. When he asks how she's been, she tells him the truth: "I've never been happier, actually."

She wants him to ask why and then maybe she'll be able to give credit to the beautiful woman that makes her feel things she didn't even know were  _possible_ ; feelings she didn't know exist. Instead, when he does ask why, she can't get the rehearsed words out of her mouth. She shrugs, and lies and the guilty feeling eats her up the rest of lunch, the drive home and the rest of her afternoon.

Lexa gets home to find her curled on the couch, popcorn on her lap and blanket wrapped around her. She knows her face looks gross because she's been crying non-stop. The Bible is open next to her and the TV is playing some lame show loudly. Lexa sighs at the sight and comes closer. She gently closes the book and places it on the night stand. "Oh honey." She doesn't have to ask - by the state of her, Lexa knows what happened. Or what  _didn't_ happen.

"I'm- so- I'm so, so sorry, Lex," she stutters. "It- it - it's t-too hard. I'm sorry!" She cries out. Lexa pulls her into a hug. Clarke hides her face in the crook of Lexa's neck, the bowl of popcorn falling over on the floor. Lexa doesn't bother with it, simply wrapping her arms around Clarke tighter. 

When Lexa's able to calm her down they put on a silly rom-com movie. Clarke lays back on Lexa and right before she slips into slumber, she hears Lexa whisper in her ear, "I love you forever, my beautiful girl."

* * *

**Week 1**

So they're driving up to camp together in Lexa's Jeep. Clarke's upset at herself for not having had the guts to talk to her parents still so she's been mostly quiet the entire drive there. 

Lexa's trying to be supportive, holding her hand, letting her pick the music (which Clarke appreciates because Lexa's music is the most important thing in the world to her), and trying to tell her that she's not mad at her for not being out to which Clarke replies, "yeah, but I'm mad at me!"

They park in the same spot behind the chapel near Lexa's cabin. They're obviously not shacking up at camp either which makes Clarke that bit more upset because even though she knew it wasn't going to happen, she's now used to sleeping with Lexa and sleeping on different beds when they're so close sounds  _stupid_.

She really sounds like an annoying brat in her own head and when Lexa gives her  _the look_ she's reserved for when Clarke's in her moods, Clarke realizes she may need to tone it down a bit. So she relaxes and allows the camp environment to bring her peace. As soon as she steps into her cabin she gets into camp!Clarke mode and starts going at a 100 miles an hour. 

By the end of the first day with the kids getting dropped off and the first worship and chapel, Clarke's forgotten the reason why she arrived so mad. When he catches her staring at Lexa singing with her  _I love Lexa_ eyes, Bellamy tells her, "oh what a difference a year makes." She's grinning when she shoves him and then blushes when Lexa winks at her from the front of the church.

After supper, Clarke and Lexa find themselves walking back to the chapel. They're walking side-by-side, hands itching to hold, fingers longing to wrap themselves in each other. When they get to the chapel Lexa settles on her faithful piano and waits while Clarke turns on the front lights. Clarke joins her and watches as Lexa pours herself over the piano. The music fills the room and Clarke's heart and despite everything else, she knows they'll be okay.

By the time that they're done hanging out in the chapel and playing music, the entire camp is asleep. It's nearly midnight and somehow they totally lost track of time. The dark and quiet means one thing though: freedom. These are the moments they get to steal and have for themselves and for now they'll have to be enough. She grabs Lexa's hand and they walk past Lexa's straight to her cabin. They'll be up early enough the next morning that no one will even notice.

* * *

**Week 2**

Clarke's realized something that she hadn't the first week. Sneaking around at church camp is _hot_. She kind of remembers feeling a similar thing that first summer when they had just met but they didn't get to do _this_ that often. 

Well, they did exactly _this_ that last weekend of the first summer but wow this is so much better when you're in love. 

Clarke's on top of Lexa in her own cabin, on the couch. After a movie with some popcorn and wine of course. They are laughing, both struggling to keep in the fit of giggles and moans that escape.

Lexa throws her head back over the armchair of the sofa and lifts up her hips looking for more friction. Clarke meets her and they both moan at the contact.

"Babe," Lexa starts, "holy -"

"Language, love," Clarke admonishes her before she has a chance to even utter the expletive. "No cussing at camp, remember?" She continues, "we talked about this before leaving."

"I love it when you get all 'director' on me," Lexa admits. She trails kisses down Clarke's neck from her position, a hand tracing a now familiar path down her front. "It's kind of a turn-on and I'm pretty sure it's why I had a crush on you that first summer."

She laughs. "First," Clarke pulls away to look at Lexa in the eyes, "you _still_ have a crush on me-"

Lexa nods without missing a beat, "- _guilty_."

"And two, I know that already so just shut up and _make love to me_ ," Clarke whispers at Lexa, demanding but with love lacing her words, and then surges to place a searing kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

Lexa gives it as good as she gets, kissing back and sneaking in a tongue. Clarke moans and moves to remove her shirt when there's a knock on her door.

They break away at her father's voice calling out, "Clarke? You in here?" Both Clarke and Lexa freeze at their position. Neither know what to do or say. "Clarke?" He asks again, knocking louder.

The girl beneath her nudges her on the side with her elbow and mouths, " _do something_." 

" _Or not, he'll go away!_ _Shh!_ " Clarke argues back, not moving from her spot. She knows he will probably move on from her cabin and look for her elsewhere which gives her just enough time to go somewhere else and find him first. 

It gets quiet outside. Lexa cranks her head to look behind at the door as if she's able to see anything. Clarke waits it out for one Mississippi, two Mississippis, three Mississippis - then gets up and tiptoes to the door. She looks in the peephole and doesn't see him around anymore.

"Ok! Go!" She orders Lexa who gets up immediately, an obedient girlfriend always good at following directions. Clarke loves her more for it, especially when she's asking so much out of her in this ordeal. "I'll owe you a lap dance later or something," she promises as Lexa's putting a discarded sweater back on.

"Okay - I will _definitely_ hold you to that," Lexa smiles. She gives Clarke a goodbye kiss and disappears out the door.

Clarke is watching her go through the peephole when she sees her father coming back up the path. He stops Lexa and looks behind them at Clarke's cabin. Lexa seems to stutter and god - Clarke can tell she's struggling with something, she's a _really_ bad liar. She really hopes she's not outing them this very moment. She leans back against the door.

Lexa texts her.

 **Lexypoo [10:39 PM]:** He asked if I was just in there with you!! Clarke!!!

 **Clahr-ke [10:39 PM]:** Stop! No he didn't??

 **Lexypoo [10:39 PM]:** Swear, love. Here he comes

There's a knock on the door. She waits a few seconds and then opens it, "hey, dad! What a surprise!" Behind him, she watches as Lexa shrugs from far away with a desperate look on her face. 

Pastor Griffin looks over his shoulder at Clarke's comical expression and it makes Lexa startle and keep walking away. "Everything okay?" he asks, narrowing his eyes.

"Yup!" She chirps. It's not her at all. "Come in," she pulls him in and closes the door. She offers, "I just got in. What's going on?"

He looks around and says, "just wanted to confirm -" he starts talking about camp logistics, things he has to know from her and Bellamy about the kids and some numbers he's trying to run aren't matching up. She gets distracted, worried about whether or not he really noticed that Lexa left from her cabin. She's trying to come up with an excuse for that in case he asks but he never does, and when he snaps her fingers at her to ask if she's still with him, this time she says, "yeah sure," and means it.

* * *

**Week 3**

After last week's scare, they try to be more careful. At first, Lexa and Clarke bid goodnight after supper and do not came out of their cabins to hang out after. They are scared that if they spend so much time together people will put two and two together. It's really hard for Clarke to be able to sleep without Lexa now so by the second night (yeah, they didn't make it far), she waits until she can hear her parents walking to their cabin and sneaks into Lexa's. Of course, Lexa's concerned for her initially but the pouty lips and Clarke taking off her clothes is enough to convince her.

They're in Lexa's bed Friday night. Music's playing softly from Lexa's phone on the nightstand next to them. Clarke's laying her head on Lexa's naked chest, her own arms for pillows to prop her head up so she can admire her girlfriend. She really is stunning. Her green eyes and perfect pretty lips combined with those cheekbones and jaw make Clarke dizzy. She leans forward and kisses Lexa because sometimes words fail. Lexa kisses the top of her head and continues to run her fingers up and down Clarke's back. 

The music fades and another begins, and Lexa sings along, content in having Clarke in her arms. "No one is ever gonna love you more than I do..." Her voice drifts on and off as she lets herself get into it and Clarke realizes again how in love she is with Lexa. She just wants to live in her arms like this forever.

"We're in love, aren't we?" Clarke asks wistfully. Lexa looks at her and smiles, nodding in response. 

"No one's gonna love you more than I do. And anything to make you smile," she promises along with the song and Clarke smiles in response. Lexa scoots down on the bed so that they can be eye level. Clarke whines at the loss of her spot but gets over it when Lexa rolls over on top of her, "it is the better side of you to admire."

"You know this is a break up song, right?" Clarke asks. Lexa growls at the comment, mumbles something about teaching her too well, and pushes off Clarke who laughs out loud and pulls her back in. "No, keep singing. I love your voice."

Lexa shakes her head, "don't wanna." 

" _Please,_ grumpy. Come back," Lexa has her back to her messing with her phone.

'I'm looking for a different song," she tells her. Clarke can't keep her hands off Lexa, she runs the palm of her hands over the expanse of Lexa's back. Then she moves in closer, as close as she can get, and perches her head on Lexa's shoulder to see the phone.

"What are you thinking?"

Lexa hums, "probably something  _really_ romantic like  _Who Let the Dogs Out._ " Clarke loses it and starts laughing so hard she wipes tears from her eyes. 

"You're not even a little bit funny," she strains to get out, while Lexa finally decides on a song, and rolls back over to her. The sound of a guitar and a beautiful woman's voice fills the room.

Lexa pulls her back by the waist and casually says, "I don't know, I think some people in the room think I'm funny." 

It makes Clarke laugh again and she groans at the same time for giving in so easily. She can't help it that she feels so light and carefree around Lexa. She is literally the love of her life. "You big dork," Clarke tells her, a finger caressing the curve of Lexa's face. 

"You love me."

"It seems that way."

"You're  _in love_ with me."

"This is true, indeed."

Lexa sings the chorus when a male voice joins in the first singer, "I was made for loving you / Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through /Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do / All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you."

Clarke says, "I'm not sure if you love me or Ed Sheeran more, honestly," after Lexa's done serenading her. She does thank her with a tender kiss and then snuggles close. 

"Ed, obviously." 

* * *

**Week 4**

On her first day off, Clarke's in Lexa's music store. (She calls it Lexa's now because of reasons.) She strolls around, fingers running along the spines of some songbooks. She is very torn about being so happy with Lexa while lying to her family and most of her friends about it. She knows she's running out of time and telling her parents is important to her. They should hear from her.

She ends up buying a songbook of Ed's music and rolls her eyes at the choice but knows Lexa will love it because Lexa is a sucker for his romantic songs. They're so sappy, she laughs to herself, finding that she finally gets what he sings about.

Lexa texts her halfway through her lunch.

 **Lexypoo [12:15 PM]:** Did you know that you are never allowed to leave me here alone with these kids? They're terrifying, Clarke!

Clarke giggles at her girlfriend's antics and responds.

 **Clahr-ke [12:15 PM]:**  oh yeah, what happened? You've never complained before...

 **Lexypoo [12:17 PM]:** I was trying to impress you, confession: I hate kids???

Clarke rolls her eyes at Lexa's blatant lie and waits while she types the next text. The bubble with the dots appears for a second then the next messages comes through.

 **Lexypoo [12:17 PM]:** THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, I'm trying to put away cables and there are at least 6 of them running around in here. everything I put away they take out of the box

 **Lexypoo [12:18 PM]:** Save me, love

 **Clarh-ke [12:22 PM]:** K, drama queen. Want me to come back?

 **Lexypoo [12:23 PM]:** no :( enjoy your day off while I try to fight off the little monsters. I just miss you

 **Clarh-ke [12:25 PM]:** aw you are very cute right now... be back soon because I miss you too. What time will you be done today?

 **Lexypoo [12:26 PM]:** I managed to convince O to lead evening worship today so I can steal you away... so after 4 I'm all yours.

Clarke grins at the statement. It sends shivers between her legs. Just thinking about all the other times they have promised each other "I'm yours and you are mine" lifts Clarke's soul. She replies eagerly.

 **Clarh-ke [12:27 PM]:** good. Then I have plans for you, girlfriend.

Lexa stops replying then. Clarke isn't sure if it's because she got busy or if she short-circuited on her but she hopes for the best and finishes her lunch, planning for later.

* * *

Clarke parks the car behind the chapel as always and evades her mother when she sees her leaving the nurse's station down the way. She casually walks into Lexa's cabin and hides behind the door while her mom walks past to the chapel, seemingly unaware that her daughter is around. She doesn't want to get stuck doing something for her mother - who always has something for her to do even on her days off - and miss her opportunity to hang out with Lexa.

"What are you doing, crazy?" Lexa asks from behind. Clarke turns startled, a hand on her chest.

When she glances up she finds a half naked girlfriend drying her hair, fresh from the shower.

Her brain immediately turns to gush. Warm and Wet Lexa is something that can practically ruin her for the rest of the day. She hums in appreciation and stalks closer, eyes traveling up and down thay body. Lexa's in one of those boy shorts and they kind of make this whole situation hotter.

Lexa smirks at Clarke's face right now and drops the towel on a chair before running fingers through her hair to disentangle. Clarke bites her bottom lip then runs a tongue over it to soothe it and Lexa chuckles in response. 

Clarke stops barely an inch away from Lexa and responds finally, "I was hiding from my mother, but I have other things in mind now."

"Oh you do?" Lexa teases, not moving.

Her eyes have darkened now and Clarke finds herself lost in their expansion, forever drowning in Lexa. "Mmhm, I really do. Come here," she murmurs into Lexa's mouth as she kisses her, a tongue deep into the warmth. Lexa sucks on it and Clarke's knees almost buckle but she wants to be in control here so she shakes her head and pulls away, an eyebrow raising. She grabs Lexa by the hand and leads her to the couch. "Sit." She orders.

She didn't feel sexy up until the moment she realized Lexa's eyes were so dark. And she is in a camp t-shirt and some green shorts which isn't necessarily the hottest outfit she's worn but the shorts stop mid-thigh and when she straddles Lexa, they rise up even more.

Immediately Lexa's hands are on her thighs, squeezing, while she looks up at Clarke. Clarke can see complete devotion in Lexa's stare at her and something tugs at her chest again saying "tell your parents how much you love her."

But instead of moving away she pushes the thought away and leans forward and barely touches her lips to Lexa's. "Guess what?" She whispers.

"What?" Lexa chokes back.

"I promised you a lap dance."

Lexa nods, no words sufficient for her. 

Clarke continues, "so I'm going to do just that but you will not. touch. me. until I tell you it's ok." She directs pulling Lexa's hands off her, which earns her a whine. She smiles sweetly and assures her, "you'll definitely get to touch me later ok, baby?" Lexa gulps at the change in tones and then again when Clarke puts on her boss face on and pulls away her t-shirt. 

The shirt lands a few feet away and Lexa's eyes snap to it briefly. Clarke grabs her by the jaw and focuses her on her face. Lexa is transfixed. Clarke begins to grind on her, hands on the couch behind them, she uses them to leverage and make this as sexy and as hot as she can for Lexa. By the look on her face and the sweat bead rolling down her cheek Clarke thinks she's doing something right.

Eventually she sits up and leans back away from Lexa and rolls her hips to create friction by propping herself up on Lexa's knees. Lexa opens her legs only enough to give Clarke a good angle. She moans and says, "please, baby, can I touch?"

Clarke's eyes burn into Lexa as she says, "no. Just watch," and kisses her with tongue and teeth before she gets up and turns around. She sits on Lexa's lap, hands perched on those strong trembling thighs, and slowly drags her ass down Lexa's front and legs. 

"Fuck," she hears Lexa hiss behind her. Lexa loves her ass but she is obedient and won't touch unless she gives permission so she lets her.

"Touch me, Lex."

Hands find her ass in a second and when Lexa squeezes her, she moans and closes her eyes, never stopping what she is doing. She bucks forward and drops lower, hands on the floor. Lexa scoots forward, presses her crotch even tighter against Clarke's ass and travels a hand to Clarke's back to keep her in place and guide her where she wants her. 

Clarke looks over her shoulder. Lexa is fixated on where their shorts are connected. "Take them off me." 

Her hands wrap around Clarke who has to stand so Lexa can pull her button and zipper open. She steps off the shorts. Lexa throws them behind her head and grabs Clarke by the sides back into her. 

Again she straddles Lexa but still facing away, so her knees are on the couch and her feet are facing the ceiling. She leans forward, drops her head between Lexa's knees and then pulls upward, and ends up with her back on Lexa's front, her boobs pressed up against her. Lexa's hands drag up and find their way under Clarke's less than sexy camp bra, and both of them moan when she squeezes Clarke's nipples.

"Shit," Clarke grunts. She can feel it all getting too good, too much, too quickly but she doesn't ever dream of stopping. Instead she runs her hand down her belly and finds herself drenched in her undies. At least these aren't the worst she brings to camp and honestly Lexa doesn't seem to mind at all. "Baby, I want to come."

Lexa bites her shoulder, earning a yelp from Clarke. Then she moves on hand from Clarke's breast and pulls Clarke's hand away to do it herself. An expert on Clarke and what she likes, Lexa wastes no time in dragging her fingers - damn her fingers are long - in Clarke's wetness and circling her clit. "Ohmygod," Clarke groans and grabs Lexa's wrist. She guides her where she wants it and sits, making way for Lexa's two fingers to stretch her. "Yesssss," she hisses.

"Fuck, love. You love teasing me don't you?"

Clarke nods, "mmhm," and grinds on Lexa's fingers, surrounded by Lexa, feeling her everywhere - deft fingers explore her, one hand massages her breast and pinches her nipples, Lexa's mouth on her neck sucking and licking, and her nipples poke her back. It feels dirty and hot and so fucking delicious.

"You are bad, Ms. Clarke," Lexa mutters.

"For you only, Ms. Lexa." 

* * *

**Week 5**

They're all at the lake on Thursday because when the kids get to go on the big swing all hands are on deck. Sure some of the staff - Monty, Echo, Raven, Octavia and Lincoln - are certified lifeguards but any way everyone is required to be around and be paying attention.

All around them the kids run around decked in one-pieces, bikinis and swim trunks. They get in a line with Bellamy and get to swing off the swing into the water.

Today, Lexa is in charge of making sure the kids stay hydrated and Clarke loves watching Lexa try to be stern. She is too good with the kids but still fails to get them all to drink their waters. 

Clarke is watching her from her spot, perched next to Octavia on the lifeguard tower. Her glasses cover her eyes but she knows Lexa can feel her watching because every so often she will grin at her and wave.

Octavia mentions, "you guys out yet? Because you know everyone can see you."

"What?!" Clarke is surprised. She knew Bell knows about them but not that Octavia knew.

"Come on. I knew something was happening since the first summer she worked here. So how long you guys been dating?"

Clarke clears her throat, "ten months."

Octavia whistles at the response and then nods, "good for you."

"O," Clarke is quick to say, "please don't t-"

"I'm not going to tell your parents," she assures Clarke, cutting off whatever she was going to say. "Or anyone for that matter. But if you're trying to keep it a secret I'd advise you to thread carefully. Your mom keeps looking at you two."

Sure enough Clarke looks down to where her mother is standing with her father, and Abby is watching Lexa watch Clarke. "Ugh," Clarke groans. "I need to tell them. I just need..." she trails off. She's not sure what else she needs at this point actually.

Lexa waves at her then, Abby still looking. Clarke rolls her eyes and gets up, excuses herself with Octavia, and climbs down the steps to the ground. She walks over to Lexa and pushes the sunglasses onto her head. "You have to stop looking at me like that," she warns her, checking out her parents behind Lexa. 

"I'm sorry," Lexa smiles. "I can't help it."

Clarke tries not to smile back but it's no use trying, "I need you to try harder, Lex. They're staring, ok?"

Lexa nods and Clarke watches her struggle to keep her eyes on Clarke's own blue instead of letting them drift down to exposed collarbones and beautiful boobs pressed against the fabric of her swimsuit. Staff must wear one-pieces but the red number does nothing to cover up Clarke's goods. "Okay," Lexa eventually says and hands her the water bottle she had been messing with. "Here, drink."

Clarke shares a thankful look and takes the drink. She opens the bottle to take a sip when she sees Lexa's eyes widen at something behind her. "What's wrong?"

When she turns, Finn, her ex-fiancee, is standing there. He's in shorts and a shirt and flip-flops, his hair much shorter than the last time she saw him and what seems like an attempt to grow a beard. "Finn?" She blurts. 

He walks up to her. Her calling out his name grabs the attention of some of the older kids that know Finn from four years ago. They run up to him to say hello and ask where he went, and she can hear the kids talking to him about Lexa. 

Lexa. She remembers her girlfriend and turns torward her. She's never seen Lexa look so pale. "What is he doing here?" She asks, jaw clenched.

"I don't know. Let me talk to him, ok?" She steps closer to Lexa to assuage her worries but remembers that her parents are watching and doesn't reach for her hands.

At this moment both her parents walk past her hand-in-hand to greet him. They exchange some words while Finn is still looking at her. So she excuses herself from Lexa with a gentle look and goes to him. 

"What are you doing here?" She asks, her parents next to her. They haven't spoken in nearly two years now and he just shows up?

He shrugs, "can we go talk?" He nods toward the dock, and Clarke wants to say she's not interested but she is curious about what he is doing here. He looks much better than the last time they saw each other. Still, she finds that her heart no longer misses him and that it pounds only for Lexa.

Lexa who is watching from the water cooler trying to keep from worrying. They've never given each other a reason to be jealous but Clarke and Finn were engaged and here he is unnanounced, so Clarke gets Lexa being confused. She is too.

"Sure." They walk toward the dock, but she doesn't let him grab her hand when he tries.

He sits and she stands. "Please sit." He asks.

She does. "What are you doing here?" She asks again, because it's all she can think to say.

He smiles, "I'm finally ready, I think, Clarke." He starts with so much conviction she almost believes him. 

"What?"

He expels a deep breath and says, "it took me a while to get through my shit but I'm better now and I'm ready to be with you."

Clarke shakes her head, "no, no, Finn- you can't-"

"Just hear me out. Clarke, we're made for each other. Ever since I let you go I have known that it was the wrong choice but I wanted to work on me."

She breathes in. She really wanted her parents to be the next people to know but she doesn't see a way out of this without telling Finn. "Finn, I really care about you. You were my best friend."

He grimaces at the words and asks, "but?"

"I'm in love with someone else."

They can hear the chatter and laughter of the kids from afar in the silence after her confession. "Oh."

"Yeah." She shrugs. "I actually think you are going to love them."

He looks out into the lake. "I took too long."

"It's nothing like that, Finn. I don't think I could have helped falling for her."

"Her?"

"Lexa," Clarke tells him. "I'm in love with her, and we have been together for ten months now and I really hope you can accept me but if you can't..."

He raises his hands, "Clarke." With a smile he tells her, "I think that's great, as long as you're happy?" She knows he is asking because she never was truly happy with him. She nods. He decides, "good. You should probably speak to your parents."

"Huh?" She's confused.

Finn looks up as if recalling something. "Your father called me a few days ago. He said that you were a bit distant  'she's happier, it seems, but she is distancing herself from her mother and I,'" he quotes Jake in his voice, then continues "and asked if I had heard from you or knew anything." He chuckles, "I get it now."

"I had no idea they thought that."

"They're just worried."

Clarke feels awful. "I really need to tell them. She makes me - the best version of me and I want them to get to know me like this."

"In love," he adds.

"Very much in love," she confirms.

* * *

After worship, Clarke sees Finn speak to Lexa by the out-of-tune piano. They both sport their serious looks and Clarke wonders what they could be saying to each other. She doesn't think Finn has a mean bone in his body and wouldn't be doing anything stupid. When he smiles at her and they shake hands, she feels relief overtake her body and turns around to walk away.

She's at the door when she hears it. She turns back and sure enough, Finn and Lexa each have a guitar and are jamming. They're sitting at the edge of the stage and Finn is leading some song she doesn't recognize. Lexa's smiling softly accompanying and playing riffs here and there.

Clarke's heart swells up. She could not have pictured a better resolution to this. 

* * *

**Week 6**

Clarke managed to - with her amazing persuasion skills - convince Bellamy to trade days off with her so that she could go out with Lexa. It's Lexa's day off too. Last time they did this, they weren't together. This time she hopes to spend quality time with the girl she loves without anything to stop them. Sure, they do this enough back at home but there's something about being able to come back to this spot a year later and have nothing change yet everything be different.

They park the Jeep in front of the music store and Lexa grins. "We don't have to go back in there," she says. "You already got me the Ed songbook."

"I know, I just wanted to check out the place with you and see what you see," Clarke smiles. Lexa smiles back and nods. She jumps off the Jeep and runs around to Clarke's side, opening the door for her.

"Thanks for getting the day off."

"I practically manipulated Bell, but he's a good sport about it," Clarke says. She hesitates briefly but then grabs Lexa's hand and pulls her inside the store. There is a small possibility that someone may recognize her, especially if anyone else taking the day off from camp comes in, but she wants to focus on Lexa.

Lexa guides them through the store, much like last time they had been there together, but this time holding Clarke's hand and sharing her favorite stories about some of the songs they come across. Each song means something special to Lexa, each has a memory attached, and Clarke can't wait to hear them all. 

Lexa's having such a grand time that Clarke thinks she forgot what day it is. But Lexa surprises her later when they're sitting outside a small ice cream parlor enjoying mint-chocolate chip (Clarke) and cookie dough (Lexa). "Today feels different than the other anniversaries of Costia's death," she says. 

Clarke says, "oh?"

"Yeah," Lexa shrugs, take a bite out of Clarke's from across the table they share. Clarke narrows her eyes at Lexa in warning and takes a bite out of Lexa's in retaliation. "I mean, of course I'll always love and miss her but... I don't know, I wasn't ready to let go of her and you changed that. You're my world, Clarke."

The earnest way in which Lexa tells her that brings tears to Clarke's eyes. "Yeah?" She asks, voice and jaw trembling. Go figure Lexa chooses now to say something like that, and so casually too. 

Lexa nods and squints, then smiles, then says, "did you know I want to spend the rest of my life with you?"

"Yeah," Clarke tells her, a smile making her cheeks hurt. "Yeah, I think I know that."

She uses her free hand to grab the back of Clarke's neck, making Clarke focus solely on her green eyes - eyes that hold  _everything_. When Clarke thinks she'll kiss her, Lexa dips last minute and steals another bite. Clarke groans and rolls her eyes and pushes Lexa away, the both of them laughing. "I mean it, Clarke. You won't get rid of me anytime soon."

"You know that means you're stuck with me forever, right?" Clarke jokes, "like that's it, honey, you won't be able to get away from me."

Lexa pretends to ponder for a minute then, "that's the plan."

Their day is perfect. After ice cream they go shopping, and then catch a movie. It's tradition now. Except after they leave the movie this time, Clarke has no recollection of what it was even about. Lexa spent the entire time with her tongue in Clarke's mouth and Clarke isn't about to complain.

* * *

"Are all the kids here?" Abby is asking as she approaches Clarke and Lexa, the two of them has just been joking about their night the day before.

Lexa's smiling at Abby as she gives her the confirmation, "yeah, they're ready to go."

Clarke's mother smiles back and winks at Lexa, "alrighty, let's get the show started." She turns on her heels and speaks into the radio in her hand, telling Monty to start the video to introduce the band. When she disappears behind the curtain that separates the backstage from the rest of the chapel, Clarke reaches for Lexa's hand. "I'm going to speak to her soon." 

Lexa kisses her quickly. Clarke likes the taste that lingers after Lexa kisses her and licks her lips, "whenever you're ready. I gotta go okay?" Lexa gives her a reassuring look and goes to get on stage but Clarke wants another kiss so she pulls her back in and plants one on those delicious lips. 

"Go get them."

* * *

That night, Lexa is spent. They're not doing anything too dirty. In fact, it's not dirty at all. Clarke's sitting on the couch and Lexa has her head resting on Clarke's lap, eyes closed and relaxed as ever. Clarke's running her fingers through Lexa's hair and humming to no song in particular, just trying to get her girl some rest. Within minutes, Clarke knows that Lexa is out. She looks so peaceful and safe lying there. Clarke knows she has to talk to her parents soon rather than later. If only she could be brave for her girl. 

As soon as camp is over, she needs to tell them. This decision took long enough but it's too hard to keep her feelings about Lexa from her parents any longer and she knows it's not fair no matter how supportive Lexa is. She wants to be the woman that deserves someone like Lexa, and if that means she won't be able to do this job then that's what will have to happen.

Loving Lexa has been the one thing in her life that's truly made her happy. She  _loves_ camp. But she is in love with Lexa, and Lexa is worth everything that Clarke can give her. 

However, she knows that she can't leave camp now in the midst of it, so she will wait. The day camp is over she will sit down her parents and tell them what she's been practicing for so long now:  _I love Lexa, she loves me and I want to marry her one day._

She's thinking that as Lexa's asleep on her, the rise and fall of her chest setting a comforting rhythm. This woman is beautiful - inside and out - and she's completely taken possession of her heart, her mind, her soul. But Clarke wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

The next day, Clarke has Lexa pinned to the back of her cabin's door. It's noon and they've escaped lunch for a nooner, duh, and Clarke can't keep her hands off Lexa. Lexa laughs into her mouth when Clarke growls in irritation that she can't get Lexa's bra unclasped, and then takes on the task herself. "Fucking things," Clarke mumbles, grabbing the offensive piece of clothing as Lexa rolls it down her arms and tossing it away. 

"Mouth, Ms. Clarke," Lexa tells her, just as Clarke's hands find her chest, and so the end of Clarke's name becomes a moan which Clarke really loves the sound of and really, really wants to make it happen again. She pinches Lexa's nipples and takes a step closer, making sure that every inch of her body touches Lexa's. 

"Yes," she agrees, "mouth, Ms. Lexa," and puts her mouth on Lexa's right boob, licking and sucking in all the ways she's learned from loving on Lexa for the past months. Lexa's head hits the door loudly. She grabs Clarke's hair and keeps her in place, and Clarke doesn't need to be asked twice, she stays and plays with Lexa's boob because damn, it's really so delicious. She kisses Lexa's sternum as she makes her way to the other breast and sets on making Lexa squirm some more.

"Fuck," it's Lexa's turn to cuss. She grabs Clarke's head and brings her back up to kiss her, their tongues colliding. It's messy and hot and Clarke feels messy and hot. She is still wearing too much clothing and Lexa complains, "you're too dressed."

Clarke nods with urgency. They work together on pulling off her shirt. Lexa's hands immediately work on the bra clasp and gets that undone in seconds. She smirks, Clarke rolls her eyes and tosses it in the same direction she threw Lexa's. "Off they go, come on," she raises an eyebrow at their panties and they both work on removing their own. She takes Lexa's hand and leads her to the bedroom in the back of the cabin. 

She tosses Lexa on the bed and climbs on her. One of her favorite things in the world is seeing Lexa from this view, as she straddles her. Lexa sits up on her elbows and gulps. Clarke crashes their mouths together and takes one of Lexa's hand to guide it between her legs. "Baby," she whines in Lexa's mouth, then bites her chin, drags her lips over Lexa's jaw to her ear and licks it. Lexa shivers at the contact. Then she instructs, "at the same time."

Lexa nods obediently and positions her hand and waits for Clarke's hand to find its way too. "You're drenched, Clarke," she comments.

"I spent all morning thinking about your fingers, of course I'm drenched, Lexa," Clarke tells her and pushes inside of her love. Lexa, moaning, does the same, and Clarke yelps at the sensation. "Yessss." Soon enough they find their rhythm, and Clarke can feel the imminent explosion just over the horizon. God, she loves the way Lexa feels inside of her, and she loves the way she feels inside of Lexa: tight and wet, and getting tighter and wetter, and the sounds that they make while they're fucking each other is almost too much. 

Lexa's kissing her neck and she's urging her on with a hand in her hair, when her phone rings. "Don't stop," she tells Lexa. "They can wait." They keep going but the phone starts ringing again as soon as it stops and the second time Lexa hesitates for a second. She stops kissing Clarke's neck to look over her shoulder at the phone on the nightstand and Clarke  _really_ needs her to keep going, she's almost there. "Lex," she begs, "don't stop fucking me, keep fucking me," she urges without stopping the riding motion she has going on. 

The ringing stops again and Clarke is thankful that this time it doesn't start right back up. Finally, she can have sex with her girlfriend in peace. 

It lasts for about two seconds because then there's a knock on the door.

They look at each other with wide eyes and stop moving for a minute. Lexa goes to remove her fingers but Clarke gives her a stilling look so she stays in place. Clarke places a hand over Lexa's mouth and warns her, " _shh._ " Lexa rolls her eyes, _not this again_ , she conveys to Clarke with the look on her face. Clarke shrugs and pushes her body forward so that they're now laying fully on the bed, fingers still deep within each other. She slowly removes her hand from Lexa's mouth. " _I'm so close, please,"_ she whispers. If you told her three years ago that one day she would be making love to a girl at church camp, she would laugh at you but here she was. And she didn't intend to stop to go back to her responsibilities until she comes.

Lexa reads what she's asking easily and flips them over without removing her fingers. Clarke tries to but fails to keep the sound that comes out of her at the movement from being so loud but Lexa gives her a worried look and then kisses her, "shut up. Be quiet," she warns her. There's another knock on the door, louder this time and more insistent and Clarke thinks they may be able to hear her but it's too late now she's too far gone.

She nods at Lexa's words and bites her lip to keep from moaning so loud again. Lexa leaves her mouth with a parting kiss and drags her body down Clarke's, fingers still pumping inside of Clarke.

Another knock as Clarke watches her go down, watches as Lexa kisses her breasts and considers spending longer there but she moves on (Lexa absolutely loves her boobs, that's not a secret, but they don't have much time) to kissing Clarke's belly, her belly button, and landing right where Clarke wants her the most. "Yes, Lex,  _please_." She throws both arms over her head.

When her tongue hits Clarke's wet center, she bucks almost already losing it. The fingers and the tongue all at once will be the death of her but she can't think of a better way to go. Lexa makes it her job to make Clarke come and Clarke loves her more for it. Clarke thrashes on the bed and tries to keep quiet, her hands grab onto the duvet and she tries to keep quiet, her thighs clench around Lexa's head and she tries to keep quiet. Finally, when she tumbles over the edge, her back comes off the bed, Lexa pushes her back down as she continues to work her tongue between Clarke's folds. She can feel herself gush on Lexa's tongue and she can't stop moving her hips as she's coming down from her high. 

Lexa crawls back up kissing the same path that she did on her way down, and Clarke stops trembling. She's breathing so hard, her chest is heaving. Lexa smirks at her, the same look that always overtakes when she knows she gave it to Clarke good. Clarke doesn't have it in her to even try and challenge the smugness, she's spent so fucking good. Lexa wraps herself behind her and tells her, "the knocking stopped." 

Clarke turns to look up at the ceiling and catch her breath, then looks at Lexa and smiles, "your turn."

* * *

**Week 7**

The hoedown is organized and ready to begin. Clarke  _loves_ the hoedown. She loves how the kids get excited to dress up, and dance, and how they have so much fun with the whole thing. 

When she's done getting dressed - this year she went for a yellow dress that opens into a wide skirt. It's a strappy dress and it shows just enough of her collarbones, shoulders, and cleavage for it to earn a raised eyebrow from both her parents and Bellamy. She's not worried about them though, because she knows that she can get away with it. She's really looking forward to seeing Lexa's reaction.

Before Lexa and the rest of the band are ready to play, the DJ (Jasper, always) plays the music. They're the same old songs that they always line dance to. It's a shame that Lexa spends the first thirty minutes of the hoedown backstage because Clarke really wanted to say hi before they got going. She wants to be able to see Lexa's eyes when she sees what she's wearing for the first time.

Her mother is talking to her about her wardrobe choice when she hears the sound of the microphones being turned on. She hears the unmistakable sound of her love's voice coming through as she's testing the equipment and can't help but smile while her mother is giving her an earful. "Clarke, you know better than this. How will we ask the kids to dress modestly when this is how you chose to dress!" Clarke's still so focused on Lexa's voice  _testing, testing_ that she hasn't given her mother a proper answer. "Clarke!" Abby snaps. 

"Sorry," Clarke tells her. "It's my fault, I didn't plan better. I had nothing else to wear," she smiles, the smile the reserves for when she needs to do a bit of manipulating to get her away. She hasn't used it on her parents in what feels like years but tonight it's worth it. 

Her mother narrows her eyes at her in suspicion and is about to say something when Lexa's voice cuts through. "Hi everyone, ladies and gents, little ladies and little gents," Clarke has her back to the stage but she can  _see_ Lexa is smiling. She breathes in and gives her mom a kiss on the cheek before turning around to face her.

The moment their eyes meet, her heart speeds up. Will that  _ever_ get old? They saw each other that afternoon for lunch! Lexa's eyes drag down Clarke's body and she knows her outfit accomplished what she intended it to, and the way Lexa's looking at her burns her up from inside out.

Lexa keeps talking as if she didn't just eye-fuck Clarke, "the band and I prepared a song. We hope you guys like it." She turns around to count them in and begins with the plucking of her guitar and Monty on a fiddle. 

She starts singing and although the lyrics seem pretty harmless ('You're not supposed to play secular music here,' Clarke remembers telling Lexa when they first met), she knows that Lexa's breaking Clarke's rule the moment her voice picks up the melody.

 _First time I saw you, I just couldn’t look away_  
_Found what I’d been lookin’ for, but I couldn’t stay_  
_But my heart was full and my eyes, they could not believe_  
_How you wrapped your arms around me_  
_Your majesty_

 _I wanna slow it down where the water’s deep_  
_Get that Northern healing washing over me_  
_Made me better man_  
_And it’s plain to see_  
_The nature of your beauty puts my mind at ease_  
_And I’m humbled in the presence of your majesty_

 _Uh, oh (Uh, oh)_  
_Oooh_  
_Uh, oh (Uh,oh)_  
  
_You can have it all_  
_Burn all my things_  
_To be at your feet_  
_And kneel before my queen_

Clarke's feet move on their own toward the stage and even though her mind is screaming for her to stop being so obvious (she can feel Bellamy by the drinks and Octavia behind her drumset staring at her), she is drawn by Lexa's confession. At this point, she's no longer able to fight the strength of her love for Lexa. And even though she knows Lexa didn't intend to do this, Clarke knows that her reaction to it will cause questions for her parents. She left her mother calling out for her, for goodness' sake. 

 _Ooh!_  
_Uh, oh (Uh, oh)_  
_Oooh_  
_Uh, oh (Uh, oh)_  
_Uh, oh, oh-oh_  
  
_Uh, oh (Uh, oh)_  
_Oh, oh_

* * *

It takes so much restraint of Clarke's part not to jump Lexa as soon as she's done with the song, but she has to play an entire set for the rest of the hoedown. Clarke needs a breather anyway so she walks outside and sits on the steps, She's still reeling from the moment inside when Bellamy sits next to her. He hands her a cup of tea and smiles, "I promise it's not spiked."

She smiles in return and tells him, "thanks."

"Wow," he mumbles. "I could feel the sexual tension from where I was."

She shrugs, "I - Bell, I don't know what to do. I just, I love her so much."

"She loves you too, it's pretty obvious, wouldn't you say?"

She breathes in deeply and looks up at the moon, full and bright tonight. "Yeah," she sighs, shakes her head, and smiles softly. "I'm gonna have to tell them soon."

"When are you thinking?"

"After camp is over."

"That  _is_ soon," he comments. She doesn't respond. They sit there and enjoy the rest of their drinks in the warm air for another ten minutes, until Bellamy stands up and offers his hand. "Let's go show those kids how to do it," he says. 

* * *

After the hoedown, and after Lexa puts away the instruments with the band, Clarke's waiting for her outside the gym. Everyone else has parted, including her parents, it's only Lexa and the band.

As soon as they walk out, Lexa tells them bye and if Clarke didn't know better she would think they are all in on what is happening. They wave and bid their goodbyes and disappear down the path to their respective cabins, and Clarke stands in front of Lexa with no words.

"I -" she starts and stops. Lexa looks at her with understanding green eyes and takes her hand.

She tells her, "I love this dress."

Clarke responds too quickly, "I love you."

"I know." Lexa smiles and leans in for a kiss. Clarke lets her and loses herself in it for a minute, still replaying the way Lexa serenaded her in front of literally everyone she knows plus about 60 kids. "I love you too."

"Duh," Clarke jokes, exhales and admits, "my chest is so full."

"Of what?"

"Of love, of  _you_. But it feels like, like - is this normal?"

It makes Lexa smile. "It only gets better from here, love."

* * *

**Week 8**

The day after the hoedown Clarke walks into her father's office, summoned on the radio by her mother. She's expecting what's coming after the previous night but she's still nervous. The bad kind of butterflies play around in her stomach and although Lexa assured her that everything would be okay that morning before she left the cabin, she's still scared.

She knocks on the door to her father's office and waits until he calls her inside. She opens the door slowly and it creaks. He is sitting on his leather chair, her mother is sitting on the arm of the same one, leaving the second free for Clarke to take a seat. "Hi, honey, come in, sit down," Pastor Griffin smiles. The warm smile is what encourages Clarke to join them.

She sits on the very edge of the chair and waits, hands properly holding on to the arms, back straight. She knows she should say something but she forgot how to speak; it's like her brain fried. 

They're staring at her for a while and she still doesn't say anything because although she is suspicious they'll ask about Lexa she isn't sure. 

Her father speaks again, "how are you?"

"Good."

"Sweetheart, we called you because we're concerned," her mother says, one hand moving to Jake's shoulder to present the united front. "Is everything alright with you?"

She nods too hard it makes her eyes hurt, and says, "yes. I'm alright."

Her parents don't reply to that. They exchange a look at Jake clears his throat. He tells her, "you know that you can talk to us about anything, right?"

To which Abby adds on very quickly, "even if you don't think you can."

So yes, she realizes they know at this point but she's still afraid to let the words come out. She shakes her head and tears prickle behind her eyes, threaten to expose how scared and vulnerable and weak she is. Lexa needs her to be brave right now and she's failing miserably. 

Her parents exchange another look and her father sighs, "Clarke." The tears have started to spill and she is shaking now, hands holding tighter to the leather chair. She avoids looking at them now. "Clarke," he tries again. She looks up at him, her eyelashes wet. "We know, honey."

Abby exhales and moves to her chair, grabbing her hands, "it's okay, baby."

The moment she hears those words from her mother, she breaks. The last of her resolve fails and she sobs from the relief she feels. "I- I," the stuttering doesn't get her anywhere. She has never been more ashamed of herself than at this moment or so happy for having the parents she does. 

"Shhh," her mother shushes her and wraps and arm around her shoulders, pulling her into the crook of her neck to give her a place to cry on. 

They give her the time to calm down and when she finally feels like she can speak she turns to look at her dad and asks, "h-how?"

Her mother chuckles, earning a confused look from Clarke, "oh, Clarke. Parents just  _know_ these things."

"I know because Lexa told me," her father brags from his seat. 

"What?! She did  _what?_ " she asks, ready to hear from her dad that she should _kill_ her girlfriend. How dare she!

"Honey, please elaborate," Abby tells Jake. "You're going to cause Clarke to have an aneurysm." She stands from her position, drops a tender kiss on Clarke's head and moves to the table where they keep the tea. She starts preparing one that Clarke knows will be for her to help her calm down ever more.

Jake laughs and says, "I'm sorry, Clarke. What I meant is, Lexa told me she's gay the first time we met." Clarke didn't know that. Lexa never told her that! He keeps explaining, "when I invited her to come play at camp she told me then asked if it would be a problem."

"Oh."

"Tell her what else Lexa's told you," Abby urges while preparing the tea. She smiles at Clarke over her shoulder and wow, Clarke feels really confused right now. Her father and Lexa talk?

"The first summer she started working here she looked for me the night before camp was over. It was pretty late, but she said we needed to talk and insisted it had to be that night..." Clarke's listening, she nods to ask him to keep speaking. "She... confessed to me that she had feelings for you but she also told me that you didn't like her back and that because she respects your mother and I, she would be leaving camp that night."

"She's a lovely girl," Abby tells Clarke when she hands her the tea. Clarke blows on it to cool it and takes a sip. 

Jake nods in agreement with Abby's statement and keeps retelling things, "the second summer she wouldn't come back because of you. I called her so much and she would say over and again that she didn't want to upset you by being around. But I insisted because... honestly? I was hoping you two would hit it off."

"What?!" She asks again.

Abby laughs, "Clarke, Lexa is wonderful. We saw how well you two got along that first summer and how she just... brought out this lightness in you. Something we had never seen with Finn."

"And she thinks so highly of you: I can see it in the way she looks at you, you guys couldn't hide your love, Clarke."

"Not to mention the fact that you guys are always flirting with each other," her mother rolls her eyes at Clarke from her position back next to her father. "You guys are not very good at keeping your feelings hidden."

Clarke groans at that. "You guys never said anything?!"

"Well at first we didn't know," her mother defends them. "Because Lexa showed up to camp last year with a girlfriend we assumed that there was no possibility for you guys to be together so we moved on. And then this summer you guys were friends again!"

"And you seemed happy but we chalked it up to your friendship having been restored," her father shrugs. "So I called Finn and asked if he knew anything... maybe it had to do with him and that's why you were distancing yourself from us... because you'd think you had to hide taking him back from us."

Abby continues, "and then he showed up and left and you two were  _not_ back together... plus the way you and Lexa were looking at each other that day and the fact she serenaded you in public, God, Clarke - you guys have to be careful with the kids around."

"I'm sorry," she mutters.

"Not because you're in love with Lexa, honey," her father fixes. "You just know our policy about staff dating."

She gulps.  _Not because you're in love with Lexa_.

"I love Lexa, dad," she finally gets to admit. Then she looks at her mother, "she loves me, and I want to marry her one day." The world is finally lifted off her shoulders, her skies clear, her love for Lexa is finally out to the most important people in her life and it feels perfect.

They nod together and both smile, "we know," Jake tells her. "I'm sorry if you thought you couldn't tell us about her, Clarke. We should have been better about it."

"Dad," she murmurs. 

"No," he doesn't let her try to excuse anyone. "You should always know that you can count on your parents to have your back. We love you. I am so disappointed in myself that you thought you had to keep Lexa from us."

She's crying again. 

"I know it's hard, honey. Our church isn't known for being tolerant," her mother tells her, "but we hope we haven't been people that added on to that perception of our church to you." They really hadn't. In all of her life, she's never heard  _her parents_ speak ill of anyone, for any reason - from religion to sexuality, her parents have always shown compassion and love to others. The only framework she had for their possible rejection of her is their connection to their church.  _Those_ people she had heard speak ill of others because they're different. She really hadn't given them enough credit.

She shakes her head to let them know they didn't, and now she feels even more heavy-hearted for not telling them sooner. "But the- but camp," she tries. "I don't want t- to- to stop working here."

"You don't have to," her father says with certainty. "We will make sure the parents don't discriminate against you or Lex, and the kids love you both, Clarke, they will love you anyway." 

"You're not disappointed?" she checks again. 

They smile at her together. "We are very happy for you. And we are hoping you will finally introduce us to your girlfriend," her mother says.

* * *

After rushing back to Lexa's cabin to first  _berate_ at her for not informing her that she had told Jake all those things, Clarke jumps her and kisses her. Lexa catches her and laughs at the excitement and says, "I'm so happy you're happy."

"I'm the happiest," she confirms. "They want to meet you."

"They know me," Lexa says.

" _As my girlfriend_ , beautiful." 

"Oh."

"Yeah."

* * *

She's back in her father's with Lexa in tow five minutes later.

"Finally," Jake says when Lexa offers a hand to shake. He ignores the hand and pulls her in for a hug. "Thank you for making my daughter so happy."

When they part, Abby steals her and gives her a hug too, "welcome to the family, honey."

Clarke's crying again, but now she's crying from the pure joy emanating from her. Lexa looks back at her at her mother's words with an ecstatic face, and Clarke shrugs in response, "you're it, love."

They hang out in her father's office a while longer. They talk about the first summer when Lexa told Jake about having feelings for his daughter, and about the second summer when they finally confessed to each other, and this past year together.

They make plans for spending more time together with Clarke's parents. Her mother asks about a night when she was calling then came over to Clarke's cabin, where they were. Clarke watches Lexa choke on her tea and lies about what they were doing: "we were napping," she says. "We had a long day, you know how the kids can be too much."

Her parents buy it. She wants to be honest with them about her relationship but not _that_ honest. 

* * *

**Week 9**

The night before camp is over, the staff is hanging out by the firepit behind Lexa's cabin. Lexa, of course, has her guitar and the rest of the band joins with various instruments. They stick to campfire songs; Clarke is _so_  proud of Lexa for that accomplishment. She also spends the night thinking about how amazing she has been to her.

She's sitting next to her girl with a hand on her back, under her shirt to feel skin. It drives Lexa crazy, she knows, but no one else can see the touch with the darkeness surrounding them. It's not like they care anyway; everyone knows at this point and they don't mind. They have mostly been supportive, either obnoxiously (Octavia) or quietly (Lincoln). 

After their friends leave, they find themselves alone sitting with a cooler of alcohol that Lexa retrieved from inside her cabin. Clarke's on her second hard cider and Lexa is teasing her about it. "Do you remember the near-heart attack you had when I first offered you something to drink that first summer?" 

Clarke groans at the memory. "We're  _still_ not supposed to be drinking."

Lexa laughs and pulls Clarke into her arm, then kisses her on the lips tasting the cider from her tongue. "My, my, how you've changed, _director_."

It's mostly Lexa's fault that she's changed but she feels like she's changed for the better. "I blame you," Clarke whispers at Lexa's mouth. She loves that she and Lexa share breaths when they're this close. She has a hand caressing her girlfriend's rosy cheek, warm from being around the fire, and another holding onto the bottle. She places the bottle on the ground next to her feet and cradles Lexa's face in both hands. "You're so stinkin' adorable."

"I'm not adorable," Lexa denies, trying her hardest to remain unaffected by Clarke's intense gazing and open affection. It's hilarious to Clarke that they have been together for so long now and Lexa still gets flustered around her sometimes... like now. "I'm pretty badass," she retorts and takes a sip with an arm around Clarke's. 

"You're seriously the most adorable person I know, Lex," Clarke says chuckling, not planning on moving away from their little bubble any time soon. Lexa scoffs and drops her bottle to grab Clarke by neck. Clarke gasps into her when she feels Lexa's hands pull her closer. 

"Call me adorable one more time," she warns with hooded eyes and a threat of a kiss in her stare. Her eyes drop to Clarke's lips.

Clarke licks them slowly and leans forward just enough to barely touch her lips to Lexa's. " _Adorable_ ," she dares, looks at Lexa's black eyes, and bites her lip.

Lexa surges forward and takes Clarke's lips in hers, takes over the lip biting for Clarke and earns a moan from her. She feels the kiss in her gut, traveling down rapidly, and so she pushes Lexa away for a moment. "What," Lexa asks, seeking Clarke's lips. "What are you doing, come back."

Clarke stands and puts distance between them, hands on her hips. "Stay." She puts a hand up when Lexa gets up to come to her too. Lexa stops and looks confused as hell and Clarke just wants to kiss her even more because that puppy look kills her. "I want to tell you something but I'll get distracted by the whole making out thing so I need the _space,_ okay?"

Lexa's head tilts and she nods, warm eyes telling Clarke she can have whatever she wants. "Sure, love. Sorry - go on."

Still standing she grips her hands and starts, "I'm sorry. I did not give you enough credit," Lexa goes to interrupt her but Clarke gives her a pointed look to stop her. "I really didn't.  _You_ are amazing and I let my fear keep me from telling my parents about us. When I should have known better that they would be happy because it's you, how could they not?" Her girlfriend stands too and walks over to her, but Clarke doesn't dare put more space between them. Instead she throws her arms around Lexa's neck and begins swaying. "And you have been so patient with me. You've _always_ been patient with me. I just - want to thank you, that's it." Lexa spins Clarke away and then pulls back in but remains quiet as if she can feel Clarke is not done speaking. After a minute Clarke continues, "you make me the happiest I've ever been, Lex. And I will never be able to repay you for what you have done for me; it's more than words can ever say."

"You don't have to repay me for anything, Clarke," Lexa says seriously. You've been good for me too. This is how _this_ works." She lets her hands travel South and wraps her arms around her waist. "I'm so proud of you."

"Proud? For what! I _didn't_ come out to them; they _knew_."

Lexa shrugs, "you could have freaked out. Last year you would have. And you didn't. You trusted our love and didn't hesitate admitting that you want to be with me when your parents grilled you about it."

"It wasn't even like that," Clarke slaps her playfully on the shoulder and smiles. "They didn't grill me. But I guess you're right, I probably would have denied it this time last year... and two years ago? Let's not even go there - I would have died on the spot."

She earns a soft peck on the lips from Lexa, "see. So I'm proud of you. And I love you."

"Yeah," she sighs and closes her eyes, resting her head on Lexa's shoulder, "I love you too."

* * *

Lexa is on her back, eyes closed tight, arm over her mouth to keep from screaming. Clarke's on her knees right at the foot of the bed where she has Lexa pulled to the edge of it, and her legs open over her shoulders. She loves getting lost in her like this, where all she can see and all she knows is Lexa. 

She has her tongue on sticky, tangy Lexa, a hand dragging up Lexa's abs to her neck and she follows suit to be able to reach. She trades her mouth for her fingers and kisses her love with a tongue coated in Lexa's own taste, one hand adding pressure to that beautiful slender neck, and the other slapping between Lexa's legs. 

Lexa hums into her, the vibration traveling down her body to all nerve endings. She feels Lexa coming closer to her peak and she coaxes her, "come for me, baby." She kisses her again to help push her off and Lexa opens her eyes last minute, reaching her orgasm with eyes locked on Clarke's. Clarke smirks at her and eases her down, then pulls out and tastes her girlfriend. Lexa moans at the sight alone and Clarke wonders if she'll come a second time. She laughs and drops her weight on Lexa who just opens her arms to take her in. "That was kind of hot."

"I'm burning up," Lexa tells her, and runs a finger to push back some hair from Clarke's face. She tucks the strands behind her ear and leans forward to kiss her again. Clarke smiles and responds with a kiss of her own and blows some air gently on Lexa to help her cool back down. 

"I can't believe we leave tomorrow."

Lexa is still giddy from her orgasm so she chuckles as she says, "for the first time since we met we get to leave together."

Clarke giggles, "we came together."

"You know what I mean," Lexa says. The smirk that she shares after that is borderline evil. "And I just came alone. Shall we come together now?"

* * *

Lexa is putting their last things in the Jeep, while Clarke watches from behind her sunglasses next to her mother. If someone could see her eyes behind the dark lens, they could see just how in love she is.

"You guys are very cute together," her mother comments, checking things off on a clipboard before moving to the next. Clarke could be more helpful but she got distracted the moment Lexa showed up holding their bags with the cut off tank she's wearing, exposing her delicious arms. 

"Thanks, mom," she shakes her head, trying not to be so obvious about how hot Lexa makes her. She picks her own clipboard back up and tries to focus.

Her mother chuckles at her action and says, "you know, I remember meeting your father ang just... feeling like I was floating."

That's exactly how she feels around Lexa! She makes her lose her thoughts, lose her ground. "Yes! When do I feel normal again?"

"Oh, Clarke," her mother smiles then checks off more items on another clipboard and continues, "hopefully you never do. This is your new normal: you found the person God made for you and they will change you forever."

She ponders on what her mother said for the next hours as they finish packing up camp, drive home, and put things away. Lexa asks her if everything is alright at dinner, Clarke smiles, and tells her the truth: "everything is perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of songs in this chapter I guess because I love them all?? In order of appearance:  
> Mr. Brightside - The Killers  
> I Was Made for Loving You - Tori Kelly Ft. Ed Sheeran  
> Your Majesty - Zac Brown Band


	4. Hearts Don't Break Around Here - the 4th summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke have been serious for quite some time. What comes next? (Of course you know what comes next.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were a lot more songs than I initially planned for but I can't help it.  
> It's also way longer than I thought it'd be but... oh well.
> 
> love you guys. hope you enjoyed this ride as much as I did. :)

_She is the sweetest thing that I know_  
_You should see the way she holds me when the lights go low_  
_Shakes my soul like a pot hole, every time_  
_Took my heart upon a one way trip_  
_Guess she went wandering off with it_  
_Unlike most women I know_  
_This one will bring it back whole_

[Hearts Don't Break Around Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20pAJPNaAyw) - Ed Sheeran

**Three Months Later (November)**

Thanksgiving at Lexa's and Clarke's that year is the first both of their families will ever be all together. Neither have large families: Clarke is just her and her parents, and Lexa is just her plus her sister Anya, uncle Gus, and godmother Indra. 

They're sitting in the living room post flag football (of course Lexa's team of her and Anya beat everyone else), talking about their weekend plans. Clarke loves Black Friday shopping which Lexa hates so they have been bickering about it in front of their families.

When it's time to eat dessert, Lexa realizes they don't have any ice cream. For some reason this is unforgivable and she sets out to find some. Jake offers to accompany her.

It is Thanksgiving though so Clarke doubts they'll find any places that are still open at this time, but Lexa insists that she has to go and Jake insists he has to come with her. Clarke is very annoyed that Lexa thinks this is even remotely important but gives in after literally everyone else gives her a hard time for it.

Lexa gives her a kiss on the lips before promising she'll be back soon. Clarke rolls her eyes but lets them go.

They come back empty handed 20 minutes later.

In spite of the little arguments, the day goes by and at the end of it all they feel that warmth of being with family for an entire day of laughter, love, and good food. After their families leave, Clarke pulls Lexa into bed and wraps her arms around her. "Where did you go with my father?" she asks, the curiosity taking over.

Lexa shrugs in her arms and turns to face her. "Nowhere, there really wasn't anything open by the time we went."

"Told ya," Clarke brags and smiles. Then she says, "I really love that you and my dad get along so well."

"I really love your family," Lexa tells her.

Clarke knows this. Ever since her parents found out about her and Lexa, they hang out often usually for brunch or lunch, and Lexa sometimes goes by herself if Clarke can't make it because of work. They get along as if Lexa has always been part of the family. It's amazing to Clarke how much easier a relationship is when your parents approve and love your partner just as much as they love your parents. "Do you want a big family?"

Clarke has always secretly wanted a big family. She loves her family but growing up as an only child has instilled that wish in her, especially once she started going to and working at camp with so many kids.

"I want as many little Clarkes running around as I can get," Lexa responds too quickly. "Can you imagine how cute our kids will be?" Lexa crinkles her nose at Clarke. 

She can imagine, because she wants as many little Lexas running around as possible. "If they are anything like you, then the cutest!" 

Lexa snuggles closer, tightens her hug and sighs dreamily, "I can't wait to start a family with you, baby."

She knows Lexa is about to fall asleep. She loves how cozy they are and how comfortable Lexa feels. She always snuggles closer before falling asleep, and the day in addition to this conversation is making Clarke want to start it tomorrow. "Me too," she mumbles, running a hand through Lexa's hair and caressing her arms.

She forgets all about Black Friday shopping.

**Four months later (March)**

Octavia and Lincoln get married in late March. Clarke and Lexa are both in Octavia's bridal party. The ceremony is beautiful, and afterwards during the reception Clarke and Lexa dance so much that their feet are throbbing before midnight rings. 

Lexa does take the stage with the camp band, including Octavia, and they play a few wedding songs, one of which Octavia dedicates to Lincoln. It's fun and Clarke loves seeing Lexa in the pink dress, playing her guitar and singing for her. 

"You guys are next," the best man and brother of the bride says as he is approaching Clarke with a glass of whiskey in hand.

"Shut up, Bell" Clarke responds, sipping from her champagne, holding back a smile.

He smiles but doesn't say anything else, just waves at Lexa when she narrows her eyes at the two of them playfully. Eventually he adds, "I expect to be in the wedding party then too." He walks off to a pretty girl that's been smiling at him the entire night, leaving Clarke with a wink.

That night, after they have discarded their shoes and dresses, taken off their makeup, and brought down their hairs, Clarke and Lexa lay in bed smiling at the ceiling. Clarke is leaning against Lexa who has an arm around her girlfriend's shoulder. "Bell said we're next," Clarke mentions.

"We are," Lexa says, doesn't skip a beat. "I want a Summer wedding. Summer reminds me of you."

"I'm with you all the time," Clarke rolls her eyes, then rolls her body into Lexa's. She smirks and asks for a kiss with pouty lips. Lexa indulges her. "But I would love a Summer wedding - it reminds me of you too."

"Then it's decided," Lexa says and kisses Clarke on the forehead, then pulls back and settles more fully on the bed. "What are you thinking for a honeymoon?"

"Umm," Clarke hums, excited about thinking of a honeymoon trip with Lexa. "Somewhere calm and beautiful," a place that is like Lexa. "Like... Malta?"

"I'm down," Lexa confirms. "I'd go anywhere with you."

"I guess all that's left to do now is for one of us to propose..." Clarke trails off. Being engaged to Lexa sounds like a dream.

Lexa agrees with a nod, then wraps their fingers together. "This 'one of us' is me, isn't it?"

Clarke nods forcefully with a grin, "yes, love! You'd be so cute asking."

"I'll see what I can do."

**Two days before camp starts (early June) - Week 1**

It's the Wednesday before camp starts and Lexa's getting ready to go to camp with Octavia and the rest of the band plus Bellamy. According to her, the band wanted to be there earlier for extra practice. Clarke wants to come along but Lexa forbids her from coming with them because she's supposedly expecting a package that Clarke will have to sign for or else they won't get it for a while. 

Which means that when Friday comes, she'll have to drive up to camp with her parents, and while she loves them - she really does, - the road trip with them does not sound as appealing as a road trip with her friends and love. Whatever, she'll do as asked. If this package is as important as Lexa made it seem, Clarke can't miss it or else she'll hear from Lexa about it for the rest of their lives together. Lexa asked her to bring the contents of the package up to camp and there is no way she can even pretend she signed for it and go pick it up at a later time.

Thursday comes and goes and no package arrives. Clarke's annoyed that she's sitting at home alone waiting for something she doesn't even know what is and that she can't be at camp. She thinks about just leaving anyway but wonders if the package could come Friday morning so she decides to wait and just leave when she had planned, Friday afternoon, to be there by that night. The official camp kickoff isn't until that Saturday and she can wait until the next day to ensure her girlfriend gets what she's waiting for.

However, Friday morning also comes and goes and no package arrives. At this point, Clarke wonders if Lexa made up the entire thing to get rid of her. Has she been annoying lately? She thought they were as in love as ever, but maybe Lexa needed the space? She texts Lexa to ask about the package but Lexa doesn't reply to her text, and that doesn't help how she's feeling.

By the time her parents pick her up, she's not sure what is going on but she files it away as one of those weird feelings people get when they're nervous about something. The day has a different vibe to it too, like something is about to happen at any time but she doesn't know  _what_ ; like everyone else is in on the secret except for her and she hates feeling like this.

She sulks in the backseat of her father's sedan and pretends to be excited about the road trip with them. Which... she's not  _not_ excited; they're just not Lexa. She hasn't seen her since Wednesday evening and it really gets to her-she is grumpy like a baby that hasn't had their nap that day yet. God, what has she turned into without that woman?

They get to camp right as the sun is setting. She is greeted by Octavia, who gives her a bear hug and tells her how excited she's there. Clarke's here every summer so she's not sure what's the deal with it this time, but whatever-it's not like this day can get any weirder and honestly she just needs to see her girlfriend to feel some sense of normalcy again.

They all leave her alone, finally - Octavia goes find Lincoln or something, and her parents start making their way to their offices. She takes the opportunity to search for Lexa. She doesn't go into the chapel because it's dark so she knows she's not in there. Band practice may have been over for a while by now. Instead she walks over to Lexa's cabin, behind the chapel and knocks on the door, hoping to give her girl a big hug and coax a lovely makeout session out of her. 

But, no. Lexa is not there either. This is strange because why wouldn't Lexa be at either of her usual spots? The dock, maybe. She turns on her heel and makes her way to the lake, knowing that if Lexa isn't here then she isn't even at camp. That would pose a problem, why would she suddenly be lying to her? She thought they're at a good place in their relationship. 

When she gets to the lake, there is no one at the dock. Instead there is a white envelope and a single rose. It's not a usual place for a letter to be waiting so she picks it up and sure enough:  _her_ name is scribbled on the front in Lexa's handwriting. When she tears it open, there's a letter inside it. She pulls it out carefully, curiously, wondering what Lexa could be plotting right now. She begins reading:

_Dear Clarke,_

_I know you must be upset that you haven't been able to find me yet. Sorry, love._

_It's not that I don't want to see you - it's that I want to see you so badly, too often, for the rest of my life._

_See you soon -_

_xoxo,_

_Lexa_

Clarke's brain picks up on something that the letter is trying to tell her but she isn't quite sure yet. It makes her nervous but in a good way and butterflies make their presence known in her stomach. At least know she knows Lexa is here.

When Clarke turns around, Bellamy is standing at the edge of the lake, waiting on her. He's not one to wear anything other than shorts and a t-shirt for camp but tonight he is wearing his nice jeans and a black button-down shirt, his hair combed to the side as if he spent time on it. She chuckles at him, her nerves getting the best of her, and asks as she approaches, "what is going on?"

He laughs, shrugs and offers his elbow, which she takes. She sniffs the rose, thinks of Lexa and waits for Bellamy's response. He tells her, "nothing. I was instructed to escort; I'm escorting."

"Instructed by who?" she asks because she can't help herself. He smiles and ignores the question, remaining stoic. The path he's taking is leading them back up toward Lexa's cabin and the chapel and she begins to wonder if maybe she was mistaken when she passed by earlier and assumed Lexa wasn't there. 

He shakes his head, "just enjoy the walk, Clarke." He slowly takes them up the pathway and she finds comfort in his arm, knowing that he wouldn't be taking her anywhere that wasn't exactly where she should be or where she would be safe. She stares at his profile, happy to have found such an ally in a friend she's known so long.

"I love you, you know, Bell?"

"I know," he smiles. "I love you too." They stop a bit away from the chapel, and everything around is still dark enough that she's confused but her trust in him is greater so she stops with him. "I'm so proud of you," he mutters before pulling her in for a hug. She lets him hug her for a second, then she tightens her arms around him too, reciprocating the hug. "Come on, it's time."

He grabs her by the hand and leads her the rest of the way to the doors of the chapel. He smiles, opens the door, leads her inside and winks before disappearing. 

"Wai-" he leaves before she gets a chance to stop him. It's really dark in the chapel but she knows she isn't alone because she always  _feels_ when her love is around. The next second, she hears the sound of a lever then the lights come on, not without some struggle. Her eyes fly toward the ceiling where hundreds of Christmas lights are hanging from. She gasps at the sight then looks to the front of the chapel and gasps again.

Her Lexa is sitting at their out-of-tune piano, right in the center of the front of the church. The piano has been moved from the altar to the ground floor and it is perpendicular to the altar so that Lexa is sitting on it and her profile is to Clarke. She immediately begins walking toward her, attracted to Lexa like moth to a flame, but her feet suddenly feel heavier than they are, as if lead has bounded her to the ground. "Lex -" she begins, breathless at the vision.

Lexa is wearing navy slacks that stop at her ankles,  _the_ white button-down from the first summer tucked in, and her hair is braided back from her face. She's not wearing any shoes but it just fits for Clarke. Lexa is smiling so softly at her that Clarke almost wants to cry. "Hi, baby." Lexa greets her. "Welcome to camp."

"What is happening?"

Clarke notices there's a chair placed near the piano, facing Lexa's bench. Lexa nods to it and tells her, "sit, ok? I have something for you."

She nods, because of course she will do whatever Lexa wants her to. She almost feels under-dressed for the occasion even though she isn't actually under-dressed at all. Thankfully she is wearing her nicest white flowy dress, the one that Lexa really likes because it hugs her in all the places and shows enough skin in the others. Lexa gives her a once over when she sits and tells her, "you look beautiful." She knows that Lexa truly sees her as the most beautiful creature on earth and although sometimes Clarke thinks she's blind, right now she feels like there isn't anything Lexa could say that she wouldn't believe.

"You always say that," she tells her back, sitting and placing her hands on her lap. 

"It's always true, love," Lexa says. She sits up on the bench and clears her throat, "I had the piano tuned..." it almost comes out as a confession and it honestly does surprise Clarke who gasps for what feels like the millionth time in the past five minutes. "I see this piano as a metaphor for our love, you know? And it would feel wrong to ask you the most important question of my life without singing you something with this piano. So, Clarke, this one is for you."

Lexa begins playing the piano with her articulate fingers, as sure as always. The introduction is simple but beautiful and then her voice comes through and Clarke feels dizzy from falling head over heels for her  _again_. It's so exhausting sometimes, being so in love because she always feels her world flip on its axis whenever Lexa does something - anything. It's the most amazing kind of exhaustion, that she knows not many people get to know. She lets herself get into the music that Lexa is dedicating to her.

 _One look at you my whole life falls in line._  
_I prayed for you before I called you mine._  
_I can’t believe it’s true, sometimes._  
_I can’t believe it’s true._

 _I get to love you, it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do._  
_I get to love you, it’s a promise I’m making to you._  
_Whatever may come, your heart I will choose._  
_Forever I’m yours, forever I do._  
_I get to love you, I get to love you._

 _The way you love, it changes who I am._  
_I am undone and I thank God once again._  
_I can’t believe it’s true, sometimes._  
_I can’t believe it’s true._

 _I get to love you, it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do._  
_I get to love you, it’s a promise I’m making to you._  
_Whatever may come, your heart I will choose._  
_Forever I’m yours, forever I do._  
_I get to love you, I get to love you._  
_I get to love you, I get to love you._

 _They say love is a journey, I promise that I’ll never leave._  
_When it’s too heavy to carry, remember this moment with me._  
_I get to love you, I get to love you,_  
_I get to love you._

When the last note of the piano rings out, Clarke is already crying. Lexa invites her over with a nod of her head and an extended hand. Clarke takes it and sits on Lexa's lap. "Clarke -" she starts, reaching inside her slacks' pocket for something. She pulls out a black, velvet box, holding it up with one hand, the other wrapped around Clarke. Clarke's eyes drop to the box and it hits her smack in the face. 

"Will you marry me?" Lexa asks, opening the box with one hand and looking up at Clarke with her brave face. Inside the small box is a diamond ring staring at her. Clarke loves her so much right now, she doesn't know how to contain the emotions flooding out of her. "Will you please let me call you my wife? I had a whole speech prepared but I kind of blanked right now but - a speech doesn't seem all that necessary as long as you say yes, so will you say yes?"

Clarke is already nodding before she finishes the initial question. She wraps her arms around Lexa's shoulder, pulling her into an embrace that is both intimate and messy - they butt heads when moving into a kiss. Lexa laughs into Clarke's mouth, the moment taking over their bodies as the laughter born in Lexa makes its way into Clarke and out too. "Yes! Of course it's a yes, Lexa!" Clarke kisses her again, hands gripping her cheeks closer to taste those lips over and over. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Lexa tells her seriously, then smirks while sliding the gorgeous diamond ring on Clarke's finger. "So do I need to speech?"

"Yes, please," Clarke nods, still laughing from excitement. She just wants to hear what Lexa had prepared for her. 

Lexa puts on her serious face on and clears her throat again, trying to make Clarke laugh (and succeeding), "okay, let's see... it was something like this: Clarke, I never knew that I could love someone the way that I love you. I am thankful to God each day that you love me. I don't ever want to find out what it's like to not love you." She stops here to dry the tears that continue to fall from Clarke's eyes; she's unable to stop the waterworks now that they've begun.

" _Baby,_ " she says softly and continues, "our love did not come subtly - it ripped through me and left me shaking from the moment you looked at me and told me to stop playing secular music in this very place." They both chuckle at the memory. "I didn't know then, love, or maybe - I didn't know that I knew: that I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing whatever you told me to do because you're everything I've ever hoped for and more." Clarke aws at this sentence and runs tender fingers through the baby hairs of Lexa's nape, and comes even closer still to her home. "You took my heart then and haven't given it back since and I'm not worried about it - I know you'll keep it whole. Marry me, Clarke, so that we can be living proof that love is real, each and every day for the rest of our lives, and for our children, and our children's children."

She pauses, waits for a reaction, and Clarke is still trying to control the crying and laughing that's going on at the same time. So she ends with, "or something like that."

"Baby, that's _perfect_." Clarke assures her and kisses Lexa one more time because however many times up until now were not enough. Lexa is grinning up at her with that smile that can mend the world and Clarke thought that she couldn't love her more, but this very second she feels as if her heart has increased just that bit more to fit more love for her. "Hey," she says, struck by a thought as they bask in each other. Lexa hums to let her know she's listening even though at this point they're just wrapped in each other's embrace (Lexa's got her face resting on Clarke's breasts so Clarke is doubtful she's even paying attention anymore). "You do know you don't have to impress me with the piano anymore right?" She's just saying it, she loves Lexa playing. Especially this piano; their piano. Their chapel, their camp. "I'm already totally obsessed with you," she jokes. 

Lexa guffaws into her boobs, making her snort a laugh out, and then she responds, "Music's the only thing I know how to do well." Clarke rolls her eyes, and Lexa continues, "that, and loving  _you_."

"That's true," Clarke says getting distracted by the ring.

"Baby," Lexa grabs her attention back by holding her face and directing it to her again.

"Yeah?"

Lexa exhales, "I have another question to ask you."

"Oh my god?!" Clarke's already getting excited, not sure what Lexa could possibly want to ask  _on top_ of what she just did but extremely curious to find out what.

"Will you marry me the end of the summer? Here, at camp?"

It's better than Clarke expected and she yelps in response, throwing her arms around a smiling Lexa, "a million times yes!" The impact of her hug makes Lexa almost fall off the seat, but they're laughing so hard after the hug that she still can't get her balance back. Before Clarke falls and takes her with, Lexa stands up and brings Clarke with her. Clarke wistfully asks, "Can you believe we're getting married?"

"I know."

"I'm so excited."

"Me too, love."

"When we met I was engaged to someone else and now here we are."

"Here we are."

"Thank God." Clarke smiles at Lexa at that, leans forward again, sweetly caressing her lover's face - her cheeks, her lips, her jaw. She runs her fingers into Lexa's curly hair again, even though braided, and tugs on it to invite her in for more kisses. Lexa does and they melt into each other.

When they pull away Lexa tells her, "thank God. But as much as I'm loving this moment, we should get out there - we have... friends waiting."

Clarke smiles, "We do?"

Lexa grabs her hand. They spend another minute just taking each other in, neither wanting to move away or be apart for a second, but eventually Lexa sighs and gives in, "let's go."

They exit through the side door where they are met with all of their family members and friends or, all of the staff - Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln, Monty, Jasper, Echo, Raven - they're all there. They're all clapping as they come out of the chapel together. Outside, in the summer night air, more lights hang above their heads. A table has been set up, decorated with pictures of the two lovebirds and tons of paper hearts and roses. A wooden board sits in the middle of the table that reads, "She said YES!" in fancy manuscript, and Clarke grins so hard for knowing that Lexa was so sure she would say yes. There are silver and white balloons tied to the table and cupcakes and drinks set out for people to enjoy.

Her father and mother come over, together with Indra and Gustus and Anya, and they each greet the two, followed by all of their friends. Clarke's cheek hurts from so much smiling, her stomach hurts from so much laughing, and her heart hurts from so much love. The entire time, Lexa doesn't leave her side, as it should always be. Clarke is made to show everyone the ring, especially her mother that keeps asking over and over to see it.  

At some point during the night, Lexa puts her shoes back on, and the boys hook up the sound system of the chapel outside so they can dance. Clarke dances with Bellamy and Octavia, and her father, and even Anya for a little bit. Still, her eyes can't leave Lexa's - she's so infatuated with her right now that she barely functions the few minutes they each dance with a different partner. When Jasper puts on Ed Sheeran's  _Perfect_ though, they gravitate back to each other because they just  _have to_. 

The song is dying down and they're still swaying when her father clears her throat to gather everyone's attention. Clarke turns to face him, Lexa holding her from behind. He smiles at Clarke and raises his cup of lemonade to the couple, "I always prayed that Clarke would find the person that would be her partner for life; someone that loves her as much as I do. Baby girl, I love you so much. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and you deserve epic love that is a statement of God's grace to all others. Lexa, you are the best daughter-in-law any parent could hope for, thank you for making my daughter so happy. I can't wait to officially make you my second daughter - welcome to the family! I love you both!"

The group cheers as Clarke and Lexa both hug Jake. He's trying to hold in tears that threaten to fall, and Clarke coos her father, and gives him another hug, struggling to keep  _this_ round of tears at bay. It's such a lovely moment in her life and she can't think of a single moment she hasn't been crying, albeit they're all tears of joy.

Later, once everyone has said their second round of congratulations and left to their respective cabins (Lexa's family are sleeping over at the camp and returning home in the morning), Clarke finds herself pulling Lexa on her in her cabin. Lexa drops her weight on Clarke and they roll around a few times on the bed before resting with Clarke topping Lexa, a grin on both of their faces. "Ms. Lexa, you're marrying me."

"I am," Lexa's smile grows, if that's even possible. "You agreed to marry  _me,_ Ms. Clarke."

"I know," Clarke chuckles, shaking her head. "I can't believe you proposed at camp."

"Where else would I propose?" Lexa responds without missing a beat. "I've always known where I wanted to ask."

Clarke laughs, "you have?"

"Did you know that when you walked in that first day I was playing a song about heartbreak?"

She shakes her head, she didn't know that. She can vaguely recall the melody if she thinks hard on it, but mostly she remembers being so affected by this person underneath her that she didn't register the song. She probably wouldn't have known the name of the song then anyway. "What was it?"

Lexa shrugs, "I honestly don't remember. All I remember is being shocked to the core by your - like, face and stuff-"

"Eloquent," Clarke jokes and nips at Lexa's chin. She had been so well-versed with words only a few hours ago, and now she's this mess. She loves this mess.

"And when you told me not to play that music in the chapel it was like a sign that you would fix the heartbreak. Like, I don't know, it's weird to explain now but it made sense in my head then. And you continue to do that - continue to put beautiful music in my life, continue to give me reasons not to play the heartbreaking songs."

She's trying to keep from tearing up again because Lexa's words are doing a number to her. But she feels so incredibly loved right now and damn it, she loves Lexa so much. So she does cry some more, Lexa holding her tight.

A few moments have passed when it hits Clarke: ice cream at Thanksgiving.

"Lex? Are you awake still?"

Lexa mumbles something, the sleep having already started to make room in her, "sure, honey, what's up?"

"Thanksgiving... the ice cream, what - you went with my dad, did you go ask for my hand?"

Lexa nods in admission.

Clarke can't stop staring staring at the woman going to sleep next to her. 

* * *

The kick-off the next morning is the best one yet. They don't announce it to the kids but because everyone else knows it's kind of obvious. The children hug them both every couple of minutes, excited for them and such loving creatures. Parents congratulate them too. Some don't say anything but they also don't make ugly faces so even if they are judging, they don't make it obvious.

After the kids are all checked in, with their respective cabin assignments and everything is as it should be, they are directed to the chapel for the opening ceremony.

The lights from the previous night are still hanging and the piano is still smack center of the chapel. Clarke smiles at it, remembering the previous night, and Lexa winks at her from the altar, even as she begins to lead the worship service.

* * *

**Week 2**

So life as an engaged woman to Lexa isn't much different than their life before, except now she gets to talk about her fiancée instead of girlfriend and she is genuinely the happiest she's ever been. Plus the wedding planning! It is  _not_ easy to plan a wedding while running a camp at the same time but it does come with perks. For example, they get to spend hours after lights out scrolling through wedding websites for ideas together, cuddling and kissing softly.

While not doing wedding stuff, they spend their free time making out. They have yet to get caught making out at camp, which honestly, she's not sure how no one has ever caught them since they are always groping each other. Feeling up your fiancée that you love very much is honestly the best thing she's ever known. 

Her fiancée is sexy playing the guitar for tonight's worship too. Clarke spends most of chapel distracted by Lexa's arm in a cutoff red tee and sweat dripping down her face and neck as she sings with her heart and soul. 

After worship the kiddos are sent to their cabins for check in and lights out, so Clarke finds herself busy for a while. The entire time she can't stop thinking about Lexa and wedding stuff and that they are going to be together forever. They'll have tons of children, like as many as needed to form a band or choir and they'll live in a house that will become a home and grow in the love they pour in it. 

What a sap.

When she's done with her work of checking up on each cabin leader's reports, Clarke goes back to Lexa's to find her strumming the guitar quietly on the couch. She smiles as she approaches and wraps her arms around Lexa from behind. Her fiancée drops the guitar on the cushion next to them and pulls Clarke to her lap instead. "I like your playing," Clarke whines just for whining because she likes Lexa's lap more.

"And I love you," Lexa responds, moving Clarke to lean back on the couch and positioning herself in between Clarke's thighs. Clarke wraps her legs behind Lexa and places her arms around Lexa's neck. She leans in for a kiss. They get carried away quickly. The kiss escalates, as it usually does when they're alone, and Clarke feels like putty in Lexa's arms. 

Clarke puts on a fake accent and wiggles her eyebrows, "do you wanna... go have _the_ sex?" Lexa laughs at her and pulls her up. They giggle into each other as they wobble their way to the bedroom of the cabin. 

"Hm," Lexa hums, "you sure know how to turn a girl on." Clarke watches with hooded eyes as Lexa undresses and quickly follows suit. She never wants to be dressed if Lexa is near her and naked. She steps into her fiancee and finds the back of her neck, threading fingers into curly hair and pulling her closer. With a kiss on her lips, Clarke straddles Lexa, effectively laying her on the bed. "I love camp."

* * *

**Week 3**

"Baby!" Clarke yells at Lexa while she's showering. Clarke is sitting up in bed going through a bride's catalog looking for a dress - and she has to find one quickly - and found an outfit she likes for her fiancee. "Come here!"

Lexa comes out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and drying her hair with another. "Yes, love?"

"Do you like this?" Clarke shows her the suit on one of the pages of the magazine. "I think you would look so beautiful in something like this."

Lexa eyes the picture then looks at Clarke with a soft smile. "Yeah, I think I would like that."

Clarke smirks, "Ugh, I'm just saying I would _rip_ this off you."

The comment makes Lexa laugh. "You still  _can_. But after the ceremony. We wouldn't want to scare any of the kiddos. Or our families," she cringes at that thought and Clarke laughs at her face, then pulls her in to kiss her. "Um," Lexa moans then pushes away. "It may be your day off, but it's not mine. I have to go get ready, honey."

"That's so not fair. Why didn't you request the day so we could go into town to look at stuff?" Clarke tilts her head to the side and then, "and  _do_ stuff."

"You're incorrigible," Lexa jokes and pulls on her underwear. The towel drops and with it, Clarke's jaw. 

" _Unfair_ ," Clarke comments as she reaches for Lexa's body. She moves away and teases Clarke with a little dance as she saunters away. Clarke groans and drops her head back to hit the couch. She gets more comfortable and tries to go back to her dress hunt but her mind keeps going back to Lexa and how delicious she looks. She literally looks edible, and Clarke is starving. She drops the magazine and goes searching for her girl. 

She finds Lexa dressed and putting on a hat in the bedroom, fixing her stray baby hair under the accessory. Clarke chuckles at her and comes closer. Lexa looks at her through the mirror and knows what Clarke wants and even though they both know Lexa may be late and  _everyone_ at camp will know why, they can't seem to care.

"Come here," Lexa calls to Clarke who doesn't need to be told twice. Quickly she's beside Lexa, pulling her into a heated kiss. Lexa lifts her up and Clarke's legs wrap themselves around Lexa, who twirls them around and drops her on the bed. Clarke loves this part, when Lexa stalks up her body with that look in her eyes.

"I have ten minutes, baby." 

"I only need, like, seven," Clarke reassures her, pulling her back in for another kiss. 

* * *

Clarke goes off to shop for a dress. This time she doesn't go to the nearby town because she only found one store that sells dresses. She drives further out to the next major city and spends all afternoon looking and sending pictures to her mom and Lexa. She finds one she loves and decides to get it. When she sent Lexa that picture, her fiancee responded with an immediate text back, "get it."

When she gets back to camp, they're finalizing the evening worship. Usually she would avoid being seen altogether to ensure she doesn't get stuck doing something for her mother but Lexa is singing and she is always drawn to that voice. She stands at the back of the chapel, arms crossed, leaning against the door. The summer air is hot against her back and the sun still hasn't left, but she doesn't dare move not to miss a second of Lexa doing what she does best. 

Lexa opens her eyes and lands right on Clarke, as if she has a magnet that always directs her to her true North. She smirks while playing a solo on the guitar and Clarke feels herself melt at it. She waves back at her girl and tells herself that Lexa is definitely getting some later because the six and a half minutes earlier that morning were not enough for her to show Lexa just how much she loves her.

Once all of the kids are dismissed and led back to their cabins, Clarke says goodbye to the other staff as she approaches Lexa. Lexa is putting up her guitar and smiles when Clarke sits next to her case. "Hi!"

"Hey, fiancee." Lexa greets her and gives her a quick kiss on the lips.

"So I found a dress."

"So you did. You look gorgeous in it."

"I can't believe I get to wear it in six weeks."

"But who's counting right?"

Clarke shrugs, a mischievous smile on her lips, "not me."

Lexa closes her guitar case, picks it up, and extends a hand for Clarke to grab. She does, and so Lexa pulls her up to her feet so they can walk back together.

They walk back in relative silence after that, but Clarke can't keep her eyes from trailing back to Lexa's face. She doesn't feel the need to look away anyway, because Lexa is leading the way and she can lead Clarke literally anywhere and she'll go. She trusts Lexa so much that she would get in a car with her even if Lexa was driving with a blindfold on. Lexa smiles and says, "I can feel you staring, creeper."

"I think you mean  _baby_."

"How was your day off?" Lexa asks as they're getting back to Clarke's cabin. They still have separate cabins but it's really pointless because they're always at Clarke's. It's bigger and obviously better, so they just made it their camp home.

"It would have been better if you were there too," Clarke tells Lexa pulling her in by the shorts. It's so strange to Clarke how attractive she finds the camp-issued khaki shorts the band wears as uniform, but after years of seeing Lexa in it, it sort of turns her on by now. She unzips the front and sets out to find Lexa's most intimate parts. "I thought about you all day."

Lexa chuckles at the feeling of Clarke's fingers and breathes in deeply. " _Clarke_ ," she says but doesn't attempt anything else. 

"Can I keep going?" Clarke asks, her lips have found Lexa's neck and she's not considering leaving this spot for quite some time. "Being in that dress... thinking about you on our wedding day..." She trails off and kisses Lexa who kisses back desperately. "I missed you."

"Me too," Lexa assures her and nods to indicate that yes, Clarke can keep going. "Next time either one of us has a day off, the other  _has_ to request it off too. New rule!"

* * *

**Week 4**

It turns out that for Lexa's day off, Clarke really can't take off because two other staff people are out sick in addition to everyone who was already scheduled off. It sucks, but it's life, and even though her parents understand they can't allow it (which she knows, she's aware, she's just annoyed). She sulks for most of the day around camp trying her best to remember that here, her first responsibility is to her kids and by the time mid-morning rolls around she's back to her cheery-spirited self. 

Even better, a couple hours later she gets a text from Lexa of an outfit she found that she loves. It's a very light grey tux that brings out the green of Lexa's eyes so much Clarke can see them in the picture as if it was a close-up (it's a mirror picture and Lexa is standing far away from the mirror). The pants cut off right above her ankles and the jacket is fitted, and Lexa opted for a simple button-up done all the way up and no tie. Clarke literally stops speaking mid-sentence while explaining something to Octavia. By the look that comes over her face, Octavia starts laughing and walks away, no explanation needed.

"You look so HOT, love!" Clarke texts Lexa back, adding a fire emoji at the end. 

"I'm hot for YOU." Lexa replies with a winky face.

Clarke laughs at the response.

 **Clahr-ke [10:27 AM]:** Hurry up and come back to me so I can show you just how hot *I* get for you.

 **Lexypoo [10:27 AM]:** I gotta shop for shoes first.

 **Clahr-ke [10:27 AM]:** You're not fun.

 **Lexypoo [10:29 AM]:**  And you have to go back to work. Who's watching the children while you're texting me, Clarke?

Lexa isn't there but Clarke can practically hear and see her asking that question with an eyebrow raise at the end of the sentence, and the harshness of the K when Lexa pronounces her name. She loves hearing her name fall from Lexa's lips. 

At the text she looks up and checks on the kids, everyone is still doing what they're supposed to be doing. She decides to take a risk.

 **Clahr-ke [10:30 AM]:** They're fine. Send nudes, babe. 

She adds a kissy face and hits sends, smirking to herself. She turns her attention back to one of the kids when they start a fight on the other side of the room. She sighs, sets down her phone and makes her way over to de-escalate the argument. For the next thirty minutes she has to talk to both of the kids to understand what was going on and by the time she's dolled out their punishment (stay after to clean up) and gets back to her seat, she has a raging headache and has completely forgotten about what she was talking to Lexa about. 

That is, until the opens the texts she's received from Lexa in that time and realizes what her fiancee's sent her. Damn, that woman has a body. 

Clarke clears her throat, dismisses the kids and even excuses the two boys that had gotten in a fight earlier with the excuse that she'll have them do something else later but really she just needs to get back to her cabin.

The first picture Lexa sent is Lexa without the jacket she was trying on - pretty tame picture. She's smiling with a hand in her pocket and the other holding the phone. Clarke swipes to the next picture so desperately she almost throws the phone. She has the first few buttons of her shirt undone in the second picture, and the zipper of the pants undone. She's just such a tease! The pictures get progressively more risqué as Clarke swipes them - Lexa with no shirt, and a bra; Lexa with no shirt, and  _no bra -_ the woman seriously went all out with the slow teasing and took pictures of every stage of dress and undress. Clarke is so hot by the time she gets to the cabin she could probably boil water on her skin. 

She ignores the texts she gets from her parents and ends up putting her phone in Do Not Disturb to get some quality time with the pictures of Lexa without being interrupted by the very last people she wants to think of when she has her fingers down her pants. 

When she's finished, sated and giggly, she finally checks her phone for any other texts she may have missed.

Shit! She's missed a few phone calls from Lexa. She calls back immediately, still coming down from her high courtesy of her fiancee. 

"Hello?" Lexa picks up, frustration in her voice.

"Hi." Clarke says, sounding nothing like Lexa - in fact, she almost sounds dreamlike.

Lexa's quiet for a second then, "Clarke. What were you just doing?"

"Getting off to your pictures?" 

"Damn, I knew I should have sent them  _after_ the pictures of the shoes."

"Ooh! You found shoes?"

Clarke hears as Lexa's irritation goes away as she responds, "yeah, babe, I found really nice shoes I really like and I sent you pictures. Can you check and let me know so I can decide whether or not to buy them?" 

"Of course," Clarke tells her. "Anything for you. You know," She puts the phone on speakerphone and switches apps while still talking to check out the pictures, "to thank you for the orgasm and all..."

Lexa groans on the other side and says, "just you wait until I get home."

Clarke laughs and tells her, "I like them. Get them! And  _hurry up and get home!_ "

"Coming!" Lexa says then groans even louder than before when Clarke bursts out laughing, and before Clarke can even say anything else she adds, "I know... I know, you just did..."

* * *

**Week 5**

They're watching the children play in the lake and swing into the lake and just be around the lake. They're near the dock, but not quite there, and Clarke can see that Lexa's been more pensive than usual lately. She wonders what it could be about and knows that it has nothing to do with her or where they are in their relationship, but wonders. Maybe it's related to the cake they ordered together that morning. Did she really hate the flavor they ended up on and is now regretting the Red Velvet choice?

She approaches her fiancee and places a hand on her lower back, thinks back to only last year when she wouldn't dream of being this open about how much she is into Lexa, and whispers in her ear, "what you thinking about?"

Lexa startles, but smiles genuinely, and tells her, "do you remember how last year you kept telling me not to even _look_ at you?"

"You couldn't keep your eyes off me!" Clarke says and gently taps Lexa on the shoulder, the both of them adjusting to face each other. Clarke's arms wrap around Lexa's shoulders and Lexa's hands drop to Clarke's waist. "It was so obvious how into each other we are."

"We were silly to think people wouldn't catch on," Lexa laughs and lets her eyes wonder down Clarke's face to her cleavage in that swimsuit. "You're killing me here with that outfit."

"It's the required outfit!"

"Your boobs are just... my faves," she whispers and leans in for a brief kiss. They can't be too PDA-y because of camp rules and all the kids plus the rest of the staff are around but Lexa can't help herself and Clarke loves her for it.

She licks her own lips to taste Lexa's cherry chapstick, "so what were you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing," Lexa assures her and pulls her sunglasses off her eyes. She tells Clarke, "I'm going to go stand with Linc to make sure I don't drag you out of here to bed, ok?" She waves at Clarke as she walks away and Clarke doesn't know how to feel about what just happened but she'll just have to accept it. She nods and lets Lexa go.

* * *

Later that day she finds Lexa at the dock. "Hi, wifey-to-be."

"Hey, baby," Lexa greets and extends a hand in invitation. Clarke takes it and settles next to her and lets Lexa cuddle up to her and rest her head on her shoulder. "What are you doing here?" Lexa asks softly.

"What do you think I'm doing here, love?" Clarke can't see Lexa's face right now but she knows she's hurting and the only reason she's ever seen Lexa sad before is Costia. Although it's not the anniversary of her death yet, Lexa must have been thinking about her. "I'm looking for you."

"I'm glad you're here," Lexa lets her know. "It's been a weird day." 

"I noticed. Anything you want to talk about?" Clarke is trying to be delicate about the subject but she thinks it has to do with the wedding. She just hopes Lexa isn't second-guessing it. She knows she's not, she knows.

Lexa nods against her shoulder then lifts up her head and places her forehead on Clarke's cheek. She leans forward just enough to drop a kiss on her cheek and then admits, "I - it's complicated."

"You can talk to me about anything, you know that right? I'm here for you."

"It's just... it may be silly but I miss Costia. I wish she were here for this, you know? She was my best friend and it feels wrong to not have her be around for the wedding."

Clarke breathes in slowly and admits, "I love her too, you know?" 

Lexa wasn't expecting to hear that if her reaction is anything to go by. She sits up and searches Clarke's eyes. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, love!" Clarke reassures her with a smile and seeks Lexa's hands to hold. "Of course I love her. She's a part of you and she's important to you. And I know how much you love her and the impact she's had on you so yes I love her." Then Clarke dries up Lexa's tears and runs a tender hand down her neck, pulling her in again. She rests Lexa's head back on her shoulder and whispers into her hair, "I want her to be here too. And in a way she is: here." Clarke presses her hand to Lexa's heart. "And here," she tells her, guiding Lexa's hand to her own heart.

Her wifey-to-be says, "thank you."

Clarke chuckles and makes sure she knows, "you don't have to thank me. I am so grateful that you had Costia in your life before. She took care of you and taught you how to be yourself and for that I couldn't be more thankful. But you have me now, Lex, and I'm not going _anywhere_."

She feels more than sees Lexa's breathy smile and then hears her sigh, "I know. I love you so much." Lexa turns in her arms and looks her in the eyes to drive the point home, "I am  _the_ luckiest girl in the world, d'you know that?"

"Nah, I am," Clarke wrinkles her nose at Lexa and kisses those sweet lips. "You ready to get back, or do you need another moment?"

"I think I'm going to hang out here for another moment if you don't mind?" Lexa shares a shy smile with Clarke. At least she looks better than she did when Clarke arrived.

"Whatever you need. You have my number," Clarke jokes, "text me if you need me, ok?"

"Okay," Lexa giggles into her mouth when Clarke kisses her again. She hums as Clarke is pulling away and adds, "see you later. Save me a spot next to you for dinner." She winks and Clarke gets up laughing, dragging her departure for as long as she can by holding onto Lexa's hand as she walks away. Eventually she has to drop it and walk off, because she's needed in the nurse's office, but not before one last look at her future wife.

* * *

After worship the next night, the staff are hanging out by the fire behind Lexa's cabin as is tradition. Clarke and Lexa are sitting on opposite sides of the fire because Lexa is talking to her band about the talent show that year and Clarke is hanging out with Bellamy. He's giving her a hard time about the fact that she won't let him throw her a bachelorette party but she's pretty certain she doesn't need a night away from Lexa to say goodbye to 'being single.'

"Please? It's not like we're going to a strip club or anything of the sort... you know me." He insists.

She laughs, and notices that Lexa's eyes are instantly on hers at the sound of her loud laughter, winks at her, and turns back to Bellamy, "I just don't see the point, Bell, get over it."

"I'm pretty sure O is having a party for Lexa with the band," he tells her in a huff, crossing his arms. 

"What?" Clarke asks back, she didn't know that. Does _Lexa_ know? Is she excited about the silly heteronormative idea that one must mourn their last day as a single person? She gives Bellamy a look and asks, "is it a surprise?"

"I don't think so..." realizing he may have told Clarke something that could implicate Lexa he shrugs and tries to dismiss it, "I'm sure it's not really a bachelorette party like that -"

Clarke's already standing up and throwing him a look that says, 'shut up.' She walks up to Lexa and asks Octavia, "can I steal her for a min?"

Octavia nods and simply turns to talk to Monty and Jasper. Clarke sits beside Lexa who gives her her full attention, eyebrows raised to ask what's going on. "Hey," she eventually says. "What's up?" Lexa's smiling obviously unaware that Clarke is somewhat upset about what Bellamy has disclosed.

"Are you having a bachelorette party?" She asks. "No judgment, of course, like you can do whatever you want, I just - didn't know?"

Lexa says, "oh yeah! Octavia thought it'd be a good idea to go out with the band the night before..." then picking up on Clarke's uneasiness Lexa asks, "is that alright?"

"Sure!" Clarke promises with a fake smile. "I just - well, okay, I don't want to tell you what to do but don't you think a bachelorette party is a silly celebration?"

"It is." Lexa agrees, "but it'll be fun to be with the guys... I just thought it was harmless since it's just the band kids and Anya."

Clarke nods and tells her, "that's fine. You should go do that. Okay." She gets up, a little annoyed that Lexa would not see a problem with a bachelorette party and walks to the cooler for a second drink. It's not the alcohol cooler that they have stashed but she really wants it to be.

Lexa follows her and corners her, "are you mad?"

"I'm not mad," she responds. "I just think it's stupid."

"We're just hanging out, Clarke, it's not like I'm going to be getting lap dances."

Clarke just looks up at her and takes a sip of the iced tea, "I know. But I think I'm going to call it a night." She bids farewell to the others and Bellamy shares an empathetic look with her. "I'll see you later, ok?" She wraps a hand around Lexa's neck and pulls that confused face in for a kiss. When they part, the rest of the staff holler, and she rolls her eyes at their ridiculousness. "Bye."

"Bye," Lexa murmurs back.

* * *

Not even an hour later, Lexa's walks in the cabin. Clarke's sitting on her couch and reading a book her father gave them to prepare for marriage, and she watches Lexa come in, set some of her things down, and go to the fridge. She emerges with two beers and raises her hands at Clarke with a hopeful look that they'll be able to talk. 

Clarke sets the book down behind her on the end table and sits up to make room for Lexa to settle next to her. Lexa hands over the bottle to which Clarke says a soft thanks. "Are you okay?" Lexa ventures, searching Clarke's eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lies.

Lexa does this thing with her jaw when she's trying to stay patient and Clarke knows she's caught, "don't lie to me. Speak, Clarke."

"I  _hate_ the idea of the bachelorette party," she finally admits. "Are you excited you get to be single for one more night? But of course you can do whatever you want, Lex, I just won't be having one though," she says all in one breath.

Lexa scoots closer and asks, "that's it?"

"That's it?! You asked!"

Lexa raises one hand in mock surrender, "I know, but babe... we're going golfing or some shit just as boring. I even wanted to invite you to come but because of camp schedule I - I'm sorry, do you _want_ to go?"

Clarke feels dumb now for being so upset at what seems so trivial and Lexa honestly looks so torn. If Lexa wants to go out with her friends for whatever reason she shouldn't get so upset. Why did this blow up for her? It feels like how insecure she would get about Finn when he would go out with friends and Lexa's never given her a reason to worry before. She must be feeling the pressure now. "Shit," she lets out, "no, I'm sorry, Lex. I don't know why this was even such a big deal for me. My mind just went to the 'bachelorette parties are a last opportunity to do stuff you can't do after marriage' and I felt insecure about why you would want to go do that. But, it's not on you, I'm just-"

"I'm not gonna do anything." Lexa reassures her, scooting even closer. She sets her bottle down on the floor and grabs Clarke's from her hand to do the same. "I can't wait to get married to you and I don't care about the stuff you can't do after marriage... like to me that doesn't exist because I have you. I don't need anything else. If you want me to cancel the party, I'll do it."

"No! Please - I'll tell Bellamy to go ahead and organize mine then."

"Oh yeah?" Lexa looks at Clarke's lips then and kisses her, "you have any idea what you'll be doing?"

Clarke hums into the kiss and leans back, allowing Lexa to climb on top of her, "probably just missing you the whole time."

"You're a sap."

"Yeah..." she drawls out, "but I'm only a sap for you."

* * *

**Week 6**

"We need to decide this now!" 

Today, Clarke's found the one thing that is driving Lexa nuts. The music. More specifically, the first dance song.

"Babe, calm down," Clarke tells her. "Come here," she calls over from the couch with laptop open on her lap and a bowl of popcorn next to her. "Whatever we pick will be great."

Lexa is looking at her with her ' _I'm serious, Clarke_ ' look and Clarke is trying so hard to keep from breaking and laughing at her fiancee but just look at her face. She tries again by nudging her over with a head nod and Lexa looks as if she might argue again but she doesn't. She comes over and sits on the couch next to Clarke, "sorry."

"It's okay. Look...we have narrowed it down toooooo," she drags, counting, "...17? That's not bad." She laughs at the count of the playlist entitled 'Possible First Dance Songs' and then apologizes profusely when Lexa looks distraught at that. "No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for joking. This is serious. But love, we're supposed to be _enjoying_ this decision."

"Ugh," Lexa groans and throws an arm over her eyes, "I usually always know what I want to dedicate to you, but I also want to dedicate  _everything_ to you and it's so impossible to choose."

"How about I pick the song?" Clarke offers with a shrug. She knows she's not the music expert between the two of them but Lexa has taught her enough. Besides, romance doesn't need to be taught and she's sure she can come up with a song for their first dance together that will be meaningful and beautiful. "I think I'm up for it."

"You would do that?" Lexa confirms. Clarke sees the trust Lexa is putting in her: letting someone else pick the music is a big deal for Lexa. She nods and Lexa responds, "alright. I can deal with that."

"Yes!" Clarke shouts in excitement. "Now, moving on: have you finished writing your vows?"

 

* * *

They're giggling as they make their way down to the dock, Clarke pulling Lexa with her, " _shhhh._ " She admonishes her girl with a finger to her lips. "We have to be quiet," but she doesn't really mean it.

"Clarke," Lexa laughs. "We're far away from everything and it's one in the morning. No one is awake." Lexa grabs Clarke's finger and bites it softly.

"I know but  _you never know_ ," Clarke whispers. She tugs on Lexa's hand to pull her closer and gets up in her personal space, hands on Lexa's waist, and a dirty thought in her mind. "You know what we should do while we're out here?"

"What?" Lexa asks, eyes drifting to Clarke's lips. 

" _You know_." Clarke responds. She kisses Lexa deeply, swipes her tongue to gain entrance, takes a minute to thoroughly enjoy Lexa's warmth, and then pushes her off. Lexa looks shocked at the sudden separation but her expression quickly changes to one of wonder when Clarke pulls off her shirt. 

"Clarke?"

Clarke laughs at Lexa unable to contain the joy, and hums in response, "yes?" She's doing her flirty voice, her flirty eyes, her flirty lip bite and it works every time. Lexa groans at the sight and comes closer, grabbing Clarke's cheeks to kiss her again. "Take yours off," Clarke mumbles into Lexa and grabs at her shirt. 

They pull apart again and watch each other undress in the moonlight. Lexa can't keep her eyes off Clarke as it should always be, and Clarke gets lost in the perfect features of her gorgeous girlfriend bathed by the moon.

Lexa smirks when Clarke's hands hover over her panties. She looks over her shoulder to confirm that they are indeed alone. She couldn't explain this one to her parents or worse - a kid, if they were found. When her eyes find Lexa's again, Lexa gives her an encouraging nod and moves to remove her own. They roll them down their legs at the same time and Clarke finds herself unable to contain her excitement. She yelps at feeling the breeze run over her breasts and shivers, giggling maniacally when Lexa's eyes widen. 

This time it's Lexa that shushes her as she approaches with a small smile and rolls her eyes, "let's get in the water, come on."

Clarke lets Lexa lead the way and they jump from the dock. It's not the safest thing they've done (and they don't let the kids to that), but it's too exciting not to be ecstatic about it. They haven't stopped laughing in hours, it feels like, and while her stomach hurts from the laughter, she loves this moment and doesn't ever want it to end. 

Lexa wraps a hand around Clarke's wrist to pull her snug and Clarke rewards her with a needy, desperate kiss. Hands travel down wet and naked skin, Lexa really enjoying Clarke's perky breasts underwater. She eggs Lexa on with both hands keeping her mouth in place, fingers threading Lexa's wet curls. She moans at the swipe of Lexa's tongue over her nipple, moans at the sweet bites Lexa drags over her nipple, and moans at Lexa's fingers finding their way down. 

It's sexy and fun and probably one of the silliest things she's ever done with Lexa. Skinny dipping and making out in the lake is not something she had ever imagined doing but with Lexa she feels inspired to be adventurous and try new things.

When they get out of the water, what feels like hours later, Clarke wants nothing more than to snuggle undercovers with Lexa and never reappear to face the world again. Her head feels hazy - but in that 'wrapped in a big blanket, trying not to fall asleep because you're too content with life' kind of way. Lexa has her arms wrapped around her shoulders as they walk back to her cabin and she snuggles as close as she possibly can. Even the smell of the lake water isn't off-putting on Lexa as it usually is to Clarke. She's running her left hand on Lexa's naked stomach (under the shirt), and humming a song under her breath. 

They get in the shower together but the kissing is a lot more sweet, a lot more slow, a lot more tender and it doesn't lead to anything more than just kissing to feel each other. It's practically three in the morning when they get in bed. The last thing Clarke remembers is Lexa pulling her flush against her front, wrapping her arms tight around her middle, and leaving a peck behind her ear.

* * *

**Week 7**

Clarke is watching Lexa get ready to go play golf for her bachelorette party. It's silly but Clarke still feels some type of way she can't describe but that she hates. She's not worried about Lexa at all but the bandmates could mean trouble. She trusts them too, or so she hopes, but Octavia's a little crazy and Jasper tries too hard to be _fun!_ sometimes.

She watches as Lexa finishes buttoning up her shirt and comes closer, attracted to her love. Lexa smiles softly at her and leans down for a kiss. "You look great," Clarke tells her. Lexa's smile widen and she brings Clarke closer in a tight hug.

"Thanks, so do you. When do you leave?" 

"Soon." Oh, it's her bachelorette party also. It's just her, Bellamy, and Raven. That is also worrisome. Who even knows what those two planned? They won't tell her and as much as she's asked, Bellamy's only told her that it will be fun and for her not to worry so much. "I _really_ don't want to go. Why can't we just stay in, watch a movie, and make love?"

"Because our friends took time to make sure we have fun." Lexa replies reasonably. "Although it sounds tempting," Lexa shrugs. She begins rolling up her sleeves but Clarke gently takes over the task. Lexa's hands drop to Clarke's waist and she watches Clarke primp her up.

"Am I being totally annoying to you right now?" Clarke asks, digging her chin in Lexa's shoulder. "I am, right? Do you regret asking me to marry you? Do you want to run away?"

"Oh my god," Lexa starts laughing. "No, crazy. I don't regret it at all. You're cute." She runs her hands up and down Clarke's back in a soothing motion and Clarke allows herself to relax under the touch. "What's going on with you lately?"

Clarke sighs, "I'm jealous? I don't want you to end up with a stripper on your lap at some point." Her voice drops a few octaves as she adds, "I should be the only one _ever_ giving you a lap dance."

Lexa chuckles, "you only _ever_ are, I promise. No strippers, no lap dances. Just golf."

Clarke nods along, believing Lexa. "You tell those...  _delinquents_ that if they even think about it, I'll kill them all."

The threat makes Lexa chuckle harder, "no you won't - you love them too much. I gotta go," she drops a peck on Clarke's lips and reassures her, "no strippers."

She lets her go but not until after she gives Lexa a breathtaking kiss so that she misses her all night because Clarke knows for sure she'll be missing Lexa.

Bellamy knocks on her door a few minutes later with his hands in his pocket and a smirk on his face. "You ready?" Raven is next to him, sporting a similar grin.

"Why do you both look so suspicious?" Clarke asks. 

They simply laugh in response which only worries her even more. "Come on or we'll be late," Raven says, quickly fixing Clarke's hair. "You look great, Clarke Woods-Griffin." 

Clarke blushes, "thanks. And we decided on Griffin-Woods."

* * *

She's expecting some sort of bar or a club because that's what she's heard people do for bachelorette parties. She's not one to party much, never even been to a club in the past. She's not sure if Bellamy or Raven have either, but they're both the type that would so do it for the sake of celebrating a true bachelorette party.

"Where are we even going?" she asks again for what feels like the 100th time that night. 

Raven's driving, Bellamy is in the passenger seat. They're going out of the camp to the nearby town but that's really all she knows. She's itching to text Lexa but she can't be _that_ person so she puts her phone in her back pocket and tries to enjoy whatever they have planned.

They arrive at a restaurant about twenty minutes later. When they pull up she thinks she recognizes a few cars but ignores it because what are the chances? But when they walk in the restaurant, the place is packed with friends and family. And sitting in a chair in the middle of the restaurant is Lexa, looking just as confused as Clarke feels.

"Surprise!" Bellamy says. "We put together a little bridal shower slash bachelorette party for you two. So have a seat, Clarke, so we can begin the interrogation."

* * *

"Alright, let's check for the answers..." Octavia announces with the fake microphone in her hand. The entire group of friends and family are sitting around on the tables or standing, watching as Clarke and Lexa answer questions about each other on white boards. "Lexa?"

Lexa turns hers and on it: right arm, 11yo. 

Octavia points to Clarke who flips hers: right arm, 11 years old.

The crowd cheers that they got the answer right again. Clarke grins at Lexa who winks at her. They both clean their boards.

"Do you want to tell the guests the story, Clarke?" Octavia invites.

"I was trying to climb my dad's bookshelf in his office at home but I slipped and fell on my arm." The crowd aws at poor Little Clarke's suffering.

"Alright! Next question!" Octavia announces. "Here we go - Clarke, what was Lexa's first concert ever?"

They both set to writing immediately and Lexa jokes, "I hope that means she knows the answer." The audience laughs along with the brides and Clarke nods confidently.

"Of course I know the answer," she throws Lexa a kiss and waits for Octavia's instructions.

"Clarke, show us the answer."

She shows the people: Britney Spears.

Lexa laughs at the answer and Clarke says, "well?" Lexa turns the white board in her hands and groans that she got it right. "I told you!"

* * *

Lexa wins the game in the end because Clarke forgot Lexa's pet snake's name from when she was a kid but that's ridiculous! Who names their pet snake, _Pet Snake_? Of course Little Lexa did.

After the game, Monty plays a video of the song  _[Only Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWlKZ6C7cDY) _ with compiled pictures and videos of the two throughout the years that they've known each other. Monty did a terrific job on the video, and included pictures they took the first summer: one with the entire staff, a selfie Clarke has on her Facebook of the two of them after the first hoedown, and two or three other group pictures with the kids and Clarke's parents. The second summer has less pictures of them together (there are two pictures: a staff picture of everyone at the beginning of camp, and one of them together before Lexa left camp, when Lexa had just broken up with Cam and they weren't quite together). It feels like such a long time ago, and they've come so far, but it also feels like it all happened yesterday. 

Clarke's on Lexa's lap for the video and has her cheek resting on Lexa's shoulder, trying to keep from crying. Monty did a terrific job with the video.  It ends with a clip of Lexa's proposal to Clarke that she didn't even know they had recorded! Apparently the day she proposed, the boys installed cameras all over the chapel. Clarke is crying into Lexa's shoulder when the video is over. When she comes up for air, Lexa is crying too but they have large smiles on their lips and lots of love surrounding them.

They break for food. The restaurant is self-serve so everyone goes to grab their own food and Clarke takes the opportunity to corner Bellamy. "Thank you!" She throws her arms around his neck, "this is beyond anything I expected. And I am  _so_ happy that you guys decide not to hire strippers."

Bellamy throws his head back in laughter, "that's for the after-party." He winks at her as he walks away and she's not sure if he's lying or being serious but her worry disappears when she catches sight of Lexa staring at her. 

"Hi," Lexa mouths from the other side of the restaurant. 

Clarke waves back, smitten. Lexa does look beautiful in her simple black button down shirt and black slacks, her hair tossed to one side. She has her hands in her pockets and is speaking to some friend who owns one of the bars she frequently plays at. Clarke approaches and the guy - Titus or something - excuses himself with an easy smile. 

"Hey, you." Clarke greets, wrapping Lexa's fingers with hers. "This was a nice surprise."

"I know, I wasn't expecting it either. The whole time we were in the car I was trying to convince myself that I wanted to golf tonight." She looks down at Clarke and leans in for a kiss, the people around them cheering the moment it happens. They part laughing and embarrassed, and giddy and full, and Lexa whispers, "you would think this is our wedding already."

Clarke chuckles, feeling the sentiment deep in her gut, "I'm barely able to contain myself."

"I know. Me too." 

They grab food, sit down to eat with the family, and Jasper puts on some music. After dinner, Octavia and Raven drag the brides to their chairs again and make them open presents. By the time the night comes to an end, Clarke has enough wrapping paper to re-gift presents for all of hers and Lexa's family members for the upcoming decade (yes, she's one of those people that keeps wrapping paper). 

They're allowed to ride to camp in the same car on the trip back. Lexa has her head on Clarke's lap in the back seat of Lincoln's car, and Clarke is running her fingers through her hair. Lexa's eyes are closed and Clarke is mesmerized by the stunning face of her love. She doesn't ever want to stop looking at her - she doesn't ever want to close her eyes again.

Lexa's eyes open. They smile at each other. Clarke leans down and kisses her wife-to-be and Lexa hums into her mouth. Clarke feels it low in her belly and whispers, "oh yeah, you're getting some tonight, Lex."

* * *

The hoedown happens the next night with Lexa leading the band and Clarke orchestrating the line-dance happening in the middle of the gym. Bellamy is on the other side of her, following along and clapping with his hands up in the air. The kids behind them do the same moves, eyes open and wide, not wanting to miss a single beat. 

Clarke and the others are facing the stage and her eyes don't drift away from Lexa's. This year, Lexa doesn't have a song prepared for her (she made sure to check) but it feels like every song that they play next is meant for her anyway. She's dancing for Lexa and because of Lexa, and every step she knows is born out of her love for the woman looking at her right now. She can't wait to steal her away from everyone else at the end of the night, something she'll get to do every day for the rest of their lives in two weeks. 

Clarke's feet are throbbing at the end of the dance. She loves this night but it leaves her exhausted. The children are taken back to their cabins at around 9:30 because even though it's a fun night, they're still pretty young and need to be in bed before ten. She makes sure to say good night to all the girls outside of the gym door's and checks her clipboard to ensure they're all still present, checking in with the counselors to confirm numbers. 

When they're gone she goes back inside and assists Lexa and the band to pack up. She hasn't always helped but lately she's taken to learning because she's marrying the girl so she should know the right way to put away some cables. Lexa has this very specific (" _correct, Clarke_!") way of rolling the cables and if it isn't done properly she gets very upset. They carry the things back to the chapel. Clarke has Lexa's guitar on her back, and Lexa is carrying the keys. Jasper and Monty each have a large amp, both struggling to roll it up the short hill and it's hilarious to watch them try. You would think after years of doing this, they would have come up with an easier way to move everything but no. Lincoln is helping with the drums, Octavia and Bellamy sharing the rest of that load. 

Clarke loves that this group of friends have become even closer after Lexa arrived. She was cool with the band when Finn was around but it's not the same. She feels a certain... bond with these kids now for having accepted her and Lexa, no questions asked. Lexa shares a small smile with her, as if she can hear what Clarke is thinking (and she probably can, it's  _weird_ how much Lexa knows her). 

They're laughing about something Raven had said at the bachelorette party and Lexa is recounting it as if nobody else had been there, but everyone here had been there and they're cracking up anyway. The sound of their laughter would be enough to wake up the kids if the gym was near cabins but it's a little off ways so they're good. 

When they finally get to the chapel, they put things away and decide to go hang out behind the Lexa's cabin. Clarke keeps the guitar so they have something to play while around the fire that Lexa and Lincoln start.

She's sitting with Raven and Octavia. The girls are showing Clarke pictures from when they tried on their bridesmaid's dresses even though she's already seen them, and Bellamy is trying and failing miserably to play the guitar. Lexa comes over to where he's sitting and Clarke watches enthralled as she patiently teaches Bellamy a few chords, leading him on a song that only takes two chords. He's beaming as everyone else joins in with the lyrics,

 _Who is the King of the jungle?_  
_Who is the King of the sea?_  
_Who is the King of the universe -_  
_the jungle and the sea?_

 _I'll tell you:_  
_J-E-S-U-S_  
_YES!_  
_He is the King of me_  
_He is the King of the universe, the jungle and the sea_

Everyone hollers after each verse they sing and Clarke falls in love with Lexa again for her kindness with Bellamy and for her delight right now. The fire dances across her face and Clarke can see the sweat sheen from where she is. All she wants to do is drag her thumbs down Lexa's face to wipe the sweat and if she just so happens to get turned on by that, well that's her problem (which isn't really a problem after all).

It's Lincoln that calls out Lexa and Clarke for hiding drinks in Clarke's cabin and not sharing. These people are terrible at keeping secrets apparently! Bellamy told Octavia who told Lincoln who told Raven who told Monty who told Jasper, and now they're all requesting some beers. Clarke relents, rolls her eyes, and gets up to go. "You are all terrible influences," she points a finger around the fire at each of them. Lexa laughs when Clarke's pointer lands on her and raises her hands and shoulders as if to say,  _I have no idea what you're talking about_ but she knows. She  _knows_. 

Lexa gets up to accompany her, "I'll come with," and their friends whoop and whistle and Clarke tries to get them to quiet down but they're not having it.

"Please be sure to come back tonight. We want the beers cold," Octavia says.

Clarke groans at the insinuation that they're going to bang while they're away and smacks Lexa on the forearm when she simply says, "no promises." The comment earns more laughter and jokes and innuendos thrown at them, and Clarke and Lexa go hearing their friends making fun of them.

Clarke's cabin is not too far and Lexa only came because Clarke knows she wants to make out before going back to their friends. Also because Lexa is thoughtful and doesn't like Clarke to be walking around alone when she can be with her. But mostly for the making out. The moment the door closes behind them, Clarke pulls her into her and kisses Lexa deeply. Lexa's smirk grows into a full-blown smile and Clarke kisses it even harder. "Is this what our friends thought we would do?"

Lexa chuckles and drags her hands down Clarke's back, putting her fingers into Clarke's jean's back pockets, "have I ever told you how hot you look in plaid?" Clarke is wearing blue and white plaid this year, and Lexa tells her, "this color brings out the blue in your eyes." Clarke moans when Lexa follows the comment with kisses peppered to her neck. One of Lexa's hand leaves its place on Clarke's ass and travels up her thigh and up her chest over the shirt. "Also, if you undo one more button I swear-"

"I thought about it, for you, but the kids-"

"Of course, the kids-" Lexa says already undoing the button in question. Clarke's boobs are pressed together and Lexa looks hungry. Lexa leans forward to kiss them too, now working her way up the buttons of Clarke's shirt.

They're so caught up that the sudden ringing of Clarke's phone makes the both of them jump. " _Fuck_!" Clarke exclaims, pushing Lexa away. They're both trying to contain the laughs as Clarke fishes the phone from her front pocket and answers, "what?!"

Bellamy is on the other side and he's ready with, "stop making out and bring our beers!"

She doesn't even try to deny at this point, especially because Lexa's made her way back into her arms, hands all over her boobs. The shirt's open and her black lace bra is too pretty not to end up on the floor in the next two minutes. "I don't think we'll be making it back tonight!" she informs him, turns off the phone, and tosses it away, just in time for Lexa to kiss her again.

* * *

A knock on the door comes three minutes later when Clarke is grinding on Lexa like her life depends on it (and it might). It's immediately followed by more obnoxious knocking and shouts, "open the door!" 

The two groan and sigh, the shit-eating grins on their faces not doing anything to hide how much they were enjoying their time together. Clarke moves from Lexa's lap and pulls her shirt back on, doing her buttons over bra-less breasts. She looks back at Lexa sitting on the couch and buttoning up her jeans, winks, and opens the door.

They're all out there and it makes Clarke laugh so loud they all shush her together even though they were making a ruckus outside five seconds ago.

"You didn't come back so we came to you," Raven explains, finding a seat next to Lexa on the couch to make sure Clarke doesn't. Clarke rolls her eyes at her choice and laughs at Lexa putting her arm around Raven. Lexa pretends to go in to give her a kiss and Raven jumps out of the couch so fast everyone starts laughing. 

"Fine," Clarke says, "the beer's in the fridge. Make yourselves at home-" before she's finished, they're making a bee-line for the kitchenette. Clarke takes the opportunity to sit down next to Lexa, who wraps her arm around her shoulders as she had done to Raven before but when Lexa leans in, Clarke does too.

* * *

**Week 8**

This week passes so fast that Clarke wonders if maybe she just slept through it all. She feels like she went to sleep Saturday night after the hoedown and completely skipped the week that followed because it's already Friday; the week disappeared between working on closing up the camp and finalizing the details of the wedding. 

They've done a good job about not letting the stress of both activities get to them but it's the week before the last and Clarke is high-strung in her anxiety. She's concerned the vendors won't come through on time, that she will pick the wrong song for first dance, that she'll mess up walking up the aisle. So much can go wrong and it would ruin the entire day! So Clarke _does._ She is busy. She gets things done, checked off her list, and mentally creates more lists to check off.

Lexa, on the other hand, is less obnoxious about it but she does get very silent and broody when worried. 

Thankfully, they've learned to work on talking when they're feeling the pressure. Or at least to not ignore it. It's worked so far and Clarke is counting on it to work this last weekend before the wedding weekend.

She wakes up to a cold bed next to her, and she immediately misses Lexa's presence. She's tired and Lexa is where she usually goes to recharge. 

She knows to go straight to the dock and unsurprisingly Lexa is sitting there, eyes closed, face to the sky. It's early morning. The sunlight from above makes Lexa look like an angel sitting there, waiting for her. 

Clarke sits next to Lexa and grabs her hand but the gesture doesn't startle Lexa. Her eyes remain closed. Clarke leans in, leaves a soft kiss on her cheek and whispers, "missed you in bed when I woke up."

Lexa sighs. It's not an irritated sigh; she doesn't seem to be disturbed by Clarke's presence - it's more like an agreement. "I needed a break."

"From me?"" Clarke asks, concern wrinkling her eyebrows. She imitates Lexa and closes her eyes too. 

"Never from you," Lexa assures her. Clarke feels Lexa press a kiss on her cheek in return and as evidence of her statement. "From the craziness."

"So from me!" Clarke jokes. It lands well, Lexa laughs too and they both open their eyes to look at each other.

Lexa shrugs, "your crazy makes my world sane."

"Really?" She asks and bites her bottom lip to contain a threatening smile. "I love you."

Her fiancee scoots closer and picks up their hands to cradle it on her lap, "Yeah," she says with certainty punching through the word. "I walked down here to clear my head and pray and as soon as I said ' _amen_ ' you showed up." Lexa kisses the back of Clarke's hand and looks to her, green eyes so vibrant in the early morning light, "I love you too."

"Did you know," Clarke asks, scooting even closer, thigh and knee practically on top of Lexa's, "that I'm worried about  _everything_ about the wedding... except for you. I've never been more certain about something before in my life, Lex." She smiles, Lexa smiles back, and then Clarke picks up their hands and kisses the back of Lexa's hand in return. "You're my respite from the craziness. When I'm unsure and insecure and I don't know what's going on, I go back to you-" Clarke continues, "I watched my parents have this... rock solid relationship all my life, and I never thought I'd have that and then you came along, baby, and you changed my life."

"Clarke," Lexa mumbles, almost shy. It's surprising to Clarke that she can still make her girl embarrassed when they're engayged to be married. "I want us to be like that for our children."

"Of  _course_ we'll be like that, babe," Clarke grabs Lexa's face and makes eye contact. Her hand is gently squeezing Lexa's face, "I'm going to go now, because I know you need your time alone, but I'm so _fucking_ excited to marry you."

Lexa nods and kisses Clarke with so much passion behind it that Clarke ends up being pushed back on her hands. "If I'm your moment of peace, you're my moment of euphoria-" she caresses Clarke's nose with her own much too softly and Clarke feels her heart fill even more with love and finishes, "you are my inspiration, and I promise to always be a reflection of the happiness you fill me with-for you, for the kids, for the rest of the world," Lexa mumbles into Clarke's mouth.

When Lexa moves away from Clarke to go back to her moment of meditation, they're both still smiling too big. Clarke somehow makes it to her feet and says, "ok." She exhales to clear her head and get her thoughts back to responsibilities and tasks. She still needs to get stuff done today. "I'll see you for breakfast?"

"Yes, love. See you then." Clarke turns around to walk away but Lexa calls her out again, so she turns back, "oh, and Clarke? I can't wait to marry you too."

* * *

Lexa drops her plate of pancakes with strawberry jam next to Clarke's seat and she's smiling. She kisses Clarke quickly on the cheek and says, "hey."

"Hi," Clarke greets back, not even realizing she's scooting her chair closer to Lexa's. "How are you feeling?"

"Amazing," Lexa tells her. "How's your breakfast?" Lexa nods to Clarke's plate of pancakes with plain old regular maple syrup. There's a flirty glint in Lexa's eyes and Clarke is flashed with a beautiful stranger from 4 years ago sitting next to her for their first breakfast together. Lexa was already making way into her mind and heart then, Clarke knows now. 

She dismisses it with a wave of her hand but gives Lexa a kiss back, right at the same time as Raven, Monty and Jasper are joining them.

"You guys really suck at keeping the PDA in the DL," Jasper says, not really annoyed. He winks at Clarke and gets to eating his food. 

"It was just a peck!" Lexa defends them. Clarke laughs at her and places a hand on her thigh. Lexa looks at the hand and knows it's Clarke's way of providing support. 

Octavia sits, "hey, Clarke, did you want to practice today?"

"Practice?" Lexa asks.

The night before Clarke approached Octavia to help her learn a song to surprise Lexa with. She had been too stressed that week to really show her appreciation for her fiancee, so she thought what better way to do so than to gift Lexa with something she loves? Besides, Lexa is always the one throwing around the big romantic gestures. That's the thing about her girl - she's quiet and soft but she loves strongly and fiercely, and she is good at being bold in the romantic gestures.

"Don't worry about it," Clarke tells Lexa and squeezes her thigh. "I'm doing the talent show but you're not playing for me."

"What?" Lexa almost sounds hurt, as if she's been betrayed by Clarke. "How _could_ you, Clarke?!"

"Oh calm down, drama queen," Clarke rolls her eyes at her. "You're being so extra right now. Extra Lexa... Like, Lextra."

"I just thought," she continues on ignoring what Clarke just said, "that if you were going to sing at camp that I'd be the one playing for you..."

Clarke rolls her eyes again, "anyway," she turns to Octavia, "yeah. Let's do it in ten? Before this one gets to the chapel?"

Octavia jumps out of her seat, "yeah, I'll go set up." She turns to Monty and Jasper, "y'all heard the lady. See you in ten."

Clarke basically inhales her food and gets up to go to the chapel. She plants a kiss on the top of Lexa's head, "I'll see you later.  _Don't_ come into the chapel. Let me have this, ok?" Lexa nods, but doesn't seem happy about it. She's pouting which makes Clarke laugh because God - she's so cute when she's pouting. Clarke squats to be eye-level and adds, "I promise you'll like it." She smiles and pecks Lexa on the lips before leaving. 

* * *

Clarke knows that Lexa is curious about what she's singing for the talent show. She's actually surprised she managed to keep it a secret from Lexa, but she only did because the others helped.

She's nervous though. She's never serenaded anyone in her life, and even though she's sung at camp before, never a solo. She's backstage, hanging out with the band without Lexa for once. She's going first, per her manipulating the schedule of events even when Lexa is in charge of the talent show. She pulled it off because she's Clarke Griffin (soon to be, Griffin-Woods!!!) and she gets what she wants.

Octavia notices her wringing her hands and tells her, "don't worry. She'll love it."

"Yeah?" the doubt overpowers the one word.

"Yeah, of course, Clarke. She loves you!" As if that's enough reason. What if Clarke is really bad? What if she misses the key and sings the entire song out of tune?

The introductory video stops playing and the kids and the rest of the staff cheer for the beginning of the talent show. Jasper grins at Clarke, "showtime."

Clarke walks up the steps to the altar and walks out onto the stage from behind the black curtain that separates the chapel from the backstage. She takes center stage and some of the kids clap when they realize it's her up there. She waves at the ones that wave at her. "Hey guys," she greets them. They greet back, excited for the fact that it's Clarke up there for once. Not that they don't love Lexa, everyone knows the kids are  _obsessed_ with Lexa (she really can't blame them though, she is too).

"I'm here to sing a special song for Ms. Lexa," she explains. "I hope she likes it, and I hope you guys like it too."

She looks for Lexa and finds her standing at the back of the church. It's certainly strange to see them switch roles like this but she loves being able to see Lexa from where Lexa usually sees her. Lexa's got her hands in her pockets, shining eyes already, and Clarke hasn't even started singing. 

Octavia kicks off the band with a heavy drum beat, and Clarke waits for her cue to start singing. She doesn't play anything so Monty's taken over guitar. She's standing in front of the mic stand, hands wrapped around the microphone as she begins singing:

 _Love is where this begins_  
_Thank you for letting me in_  
_I never had to pretend_  
_You’ve always known who I am_

 _And I know my life is better_  
_Because you’re a part of it_  
_I know without you by my side_  
_That I would be different_

 _Thank you for all of your trust_  
_Thank you for not giving up_  
_Thank you for holding my hand_  
_I've always known where you stand_

 _Yes, I feel my life is better_  
_So is the world we’re living in_  
_I’m thankful for the time I spent_  
_With my best friend_

_(You're my best friend)_

_Thank you for calling me out_  
_Thank you for waking me up_  
_Thank you for breaking it down_  
_Thank you for choosing us_  
_Thank you for all you’re about_  
_Thank you for lifting me up_  
_Thank you for keeping me grounded_  
_And being here now_

 _My life is better,_  
_Because you’re a part of it_  
_'Cause I know without you by my side_  
_That I would be different_

 _Yes, I feel my life is better_  
_And so is the world we’re livin’ in_  
_I’m thankful for the time I spent_  
_With my best friend_

_You’re my best friend_

* * *

Lexa practically assaults Clarke when she comes down from the stage. They're behind the curtains but they don't have much time because Lexa has to get on the stage to lead the band with the rest of the songs but she does let Clarke know how much she appreciated her gift. "We'll revisit this after," Lexa promises her as she runs up the steps.

They do revisit it later.

Clarke is thoroughly loved by her fiancee and when she's coming down from her first orgasm, Lexa stalks back up her body with a grin on her lips. "You were so hot up there," she tells Clarke. She kisses her and then kisses her again, "and so pretty." Another kiss, "and I'm so happy to be your best friend. I'm  _so_ happy. You're mine too."

Clarke giggles under Lexa, her hands still traveling all over her body. "I'm glad you liked it."

"I  _really_ loved it," Lexa points out, snuggling close, her nose trailing down Clarke's nose. "Let me make sure you know this." Lexa kisses under Clarke's chin, then flips their positions so that Clarke is on top. "Come here."

And Clarke really _loves_ sitting on Lexa's lap but she loves her face more.

* * *

**Week 9**  

The last day of camp means that Clarke is too busy, and even though she is getting married the next day she isn't one to pass off her responsibilities to others. Lexa and her parents do convince her to delegate more than she'd like to but she would still like to be responsible for signing out her girls. She's standing there and watching some of her kiddos leave (some of them actually stay - Maggie is one of them, she's 12 now and still one of Clarke's favorites) and she is getting emotional over the fact that after this is over. She has to start getting ready for the rehearsal dinner soon, but after that she and Lexa won't see each other again until the next day at three o'clock. That's such a long time to go.

Lexa is currently talking to her father, the both of them standing by Abby and smiling so large that Clarke is curious about what they could be talking about. Those two together are troublemakers sometimes, but she's still glad they're so close. She waves at Lexa when her fiancee looks up at her and Lexa smiles and waves back, a look of unadulterated passion in her eyes and for the millionth time since they've met, Clarke falls in love again.

After the last of the children that are leaving are checked out and gone, Clarke can finally turn off her director's mentality. From now on, the counselors are responsible for the remaining kids at least until the next day when their parents come to the wedding and to pick them up. She goes over her final instructions to them and says good bye to the counselors and kids to make her way to Lexa.

"Hey guys," she greets her family.

"Hey honey," her mother says, not looking up from the box of stuff she's digging through. There's a table set-up outside at the edge of the clearing and on it there are multiple boxes with craft supplies, extra shirts, programs, music songbooks, etc.

Her father says, "hi, baby," he greets Clarke and gives her a kiss on the temple. She closes her eyes at the action and when she opens them, Lexa is smiling at her. "Your mother and I are almost done too. We'll see you guys later." He winks at Clarke then shares a hug with Lexa, "I'm so happy."

Abby closes the box and comes to where Clarke and Lexa are standing. Pride is shining in her eyes as she hands over the box to Clarke. "Do me a favor and drop this off in your cabin so that-"

"Yeah, I know, so that you and dad can remember to take it back tomorrow." She rolls her eyes at her mother but she smiles because even though she's still being asked to help after her shift is over, she knows her mother is trying to enjoy the last of the moments she gets Clarke like this - as her daughter first. 

Her mother gives her a kiss too and then gives Lexa a similar kiss on the cheek. "Bye, girls. See you later." There's a tear threatening to spill but Abby manages to control it and Clarke has to take deep breaths to keep hers at bay also.

"You okay?" Lexa asks once they're gone. She grabs the other side of the box with Clarke and they begin to walk back toward their cabin. Clarke nods to let her know she's fine. Lexa pretends she believes her and shares a smile with her. "This box... so many memories."

Clarke chuckles at that, "we've come a long way."

"I'm still kind of hoping I get a kiss as a reward when we get back to the cabin. For helping you carry this heavy shit and all."

" _Language._ " She laughs and says, "and as I recall that make out session did not end so well. You sure you want a repeat?"

Lexa shrugs, "I'm not worried this summer. I get to marry the girl at the end of it all so..."

They exchange a heavy look packed with love and lust and excitement for what the next day brings and Clarke rolls her eyes in response to release some of the tension, "fine. I'll make out with you."

"Don't be so excited for it," Lexa says back and sticks out a tongue at Clarke, earning another laugh from her. She reassures Lexa by blowing her a kiss.

They drop off the box near the foot of her table. They can't drop it on top of the table because it's full of wedding stuff. The minute the box is out of their hands, Lexa's dragging Clarke to the couch. They fall together, giggling as Clarke adjusts herself on Lexa's lap. 

* * *

When they manage to part, Clarke kicks Lexa out. They're getting ready in separate cabins tonight and tomorrow. It's not like they haven't seen each other's outfits in pictures but she wants there to be a moment where they first see each other ready for the best day of their lives. Lexa is whining about having to leave and Clarke is very tempted to let her stay because of that pout - her bottom lip juts out just so and it's so damn adorable she just wants to kiss it all day-, but she manages to control herself and close the door behind Lexa.

She allows herself two seconds to swoon then sets to getting ready. A few minutes after Lexa leaves, her mother and Raven arrive with Bellamy in tow. They help her with her hair and makeup, and then with the dress. It's not her wedding dress yet but she needs their help zipping it up. The dress is an elegant A-line lilac piece that shows her best assets-boobs and legs. She knows Lexa will appreciate it. She puts on her heels, does a last check on makeup and they leave together. 

The rehearsal dinner is taking place outside by the lake. They've set up a large oak table with chairs all around it for the guests. There aren't many people here since it's the rehearsal party. It's only the families and the bridal parties which aren't so large so they kept the rehearsal dinner more casual.

Raven and Octavia took care of the decorations. They strung lights all around the table and from the trees around the area, plus mason jars all around the grass with candles flickering inside them. The sun is starting to set and the lights play against the orange of the departing sun. There's a light green runner draped over the table with centerpieces in gold. The napkins are white and the plates are cream. There are three flower arrangements in the center of the table, equidistant from each other and not too tall. Everything looks so beautiful Clarke wants to cry. 

Lexa is talking to Bellamy when she's walking up. She goes to Lexa and they share a quick kiss. "You look stunning," she tells Lexa who is wearing maroon pants rolled up her ankles, and thin brown suspenders over her white elbow-length Henley shirt. She finishes the look with brown oxfords. Her hair is loosely curled and Clarke just wants to thread her fingers in the locks. 

"You too," Lexa tells her, dopey smile on her face. 

Her father is the one that calls out to them, "shall we go inside and start the rehearsal?"

They lock eyes, nod, and breathe in together. They rehearse tonight and tomorrow the real thing happens.

* * *

They finish rehearsing in thirty minutes and there's a lot more crying than Clarke or Lexa ever intended for, and it's only the rehearsal. Jasper is in charge of the music and starts the playlist with  _[Chapel of Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMfrLFirGWc)_. Clarke loves the choice because damn it if their little chapel isn't the perfect chapel of love.

Food is served and everyone hangs out as some speeches are shared. Abby wants to speak, since she won't get a chance to tomorrow, and Gustus and Indra say a few words too. Lexa and Clarke are sitting at the end of the table, holding hands, and watching as their loved ones talk about how much they are loved, and what an inspiration their relationship is to all of them. It's almost surreal to Clarke that she's _this_ _girl_ : that knows the meaning of love so intimately. 

The dinner ends early. They're not trying to be too tired the next day, so by about 8 pm everyone is retreating to their cabins. Clarke and Lexa walk together back to her cabin, hands clasped together. Her cabin is before Lexa's so Lexa drops her off, standing outside of her door. Clarke wraps her arms behind Lexa's neck. She leans in, kisses her almost-wife softly on the lips and pulls away slowly, "I'll see you tomorrow?" she says, and it comes out softer than she planned for.

"See you tomorrow, love." Lexa says back, a hand holding Clarke's chin. She kisses her again, presses her eyes closed, and then adds, "and every day for the rest of our lives after that."

Clarke bites her lips and nods in agreement. "Good night," she says pushing Lexa away by the shoulder.

Lexa grabs her hand and kisses her knuckles. "Good night."

* * *

She doesn't remember sleeping or getting ready this morning. She finds herself holding the white and pink bouquet, in the dress and shoes, hair done, makeup done, and her mother's borrowed pearls and earrings and she's not sure how she got here but oh my god-she's about to get married to the love of her life. It dawns on her and she worries for a second that she'll die of a heart attack before it happens because of how fast her heart is going. The butterflies in her stomach are going insane, threatening to rip out of her gut, and she feels like throwing up and fainting all at once, but all out of excitement, not anxiety.

Her best man knocks on the door of her cabin and opens it slowly, "you ready?" He smiles at her with a boyish grin, his eyes widen at the sight of her, "you look-wow, Clarke. Lexa is going to have a thing."

"God, I hope not, I need her alive to marry me," Clarke says. "But thank you." She lets her embarrassment wash away and then raises her chin. "I'm ready." Abby and Octavia each give her a kiss on the cheek before disappearing out the door. "Take me to my bride, Bell."

Bellamy offers his hand and she takes it. He guides her arm through a loop in his and then tells her, "let's go get you married."

They walk down the steps of her cabin. Thankfully her dress is short enough that it doesn't drag on the dirt ground. She fixes his boutonnière and smiles at him when they stop just outside of the doors of the chapel. The other bridesmaids and bridesmen are already waiting and they all greet her, smiling wide and trying to hold back tears. 

"Okay," he says and exhales with her. "I gotta go in with them," he points behind his back at the rest of the wedding party. He then gives her a kiss on the cheek and makes her move off to the side and face away. "I'm next, but Lexa is getting here at any minute." He smiles and positions himself next to Anya. The doors of the chapel open for them and the bridal party begins their march. The doors close again.

It's quiet for a beat and then she hears, "Clarke." 

Lexa.

Clarke turns around to face her bride. 

The moment their eyes meet, the both exhale in elation. "God, you look perfect." Lexa mutters as her eyes drag down Clarke's dress. She is in an ivory tea length wedding dress with a full 50's style skirt and pretty lace detailing. A neat satin sash and bow also in ivory sits at the waist. Her hair is pulled up out of her face and away to the side. 

Clarke takes Lexa in just the same, with her suit. "You look so fucking beautiful," she says through tears, coming closer. They grab each other's hands and take the moment to enjoy seeing each other like this. Lexa is also crying, Clarke takes it upon herself to dry her tears with the pads of her thumb gently not to ruin her makeup. "Holy shit," she says in one breath. "You're going to be my wife in less than an hour."

"I know." Lexa nods along. "Wow, Clarke, wow." She has nothing else to say, she's so speechless right now and even though Clarke wants to kiss her until she's also breathless she knows they can't because next thing she knows the wedding march starts playing inside and it's their turn. "Let's go get this over with," she says with a joyous smile. The doors to the chapel open and they position themselves: Clarke and Lexa, arm in arm, watch as their future opens its doors for them.

* * *

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of my beautiful daughter Clarke and her beautiful love, Lexa," her father starts as soon as they reach the front of the chapel and the music stops. Clarke feels like she's floating, she looks to Lexa again and again, to check and make sure this is happening. Lexa is grinning so hard Clarke worries her cheek muscles will cramp. What? Who knows, she can't feel anything. She can't feel her ears. Is this normal? God she's so happy.

He keeps talking and she really wishes she could  _hear_ but there's so much going on in her head and in her heart everything around her just sounds like water. Thankfully someone is recording the ceremony so they can look back at it later and hear the things her father is saying. She knows the gist of what he'll say, she knows the gist of what's supposed to happen: they talked about the parts, the order, the readings and scriptures, and everyone that would participate and she knows Maggie is supposed to sing a song for them, but nothing really registers except for the smell of Lexa and the comforting hold of Lexa's hand in hers, and the overwhelming knowledge of love surrounding them.

At some point her father stops talking, and apparently a lot of things have been said. Maggie takes the stage with the camp band and sings  _[God Bless the Broken Road](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPaU7jJvqRc)_ , and wow Clarke is crying again. She focuses on Maggie and the amazing job she does and blows her a kiss when she's done. Pastor Griffin is back on the microphone and he invites those in attendance to open their Bibles together to Ruth 1:16-17:

"But Ruth said," he begins reciting, "'Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.'" 

Lexa shivers at this part and Clarke squeezes her hand because she feels it too.

* * *

"And now for the vows," Pastor Griffin states. He shares a look with Bellamy and Anya and they each step forward to present Clarke and Lexa with their wedding bands. "Lexa, you asked to start?"

Lexa nods. Clarke hands her bouquet to Bellamy who takes it and takes a step back. Lexa begins, holding Clarke's hands in her own. "Clarke..." Clarke can see the shiver in her lips, the shake of her hands, but the certainty in her eyes. "I spent hours writing this vow, then hours re-writing it-" those present laugh. "I wanted it to be perfect for you because you are perfect to me." 

Clarke blinks to keep the tears from falling.

"Then I realized that I could spend forever trying to elaborate how much you mean to me and I'm pretty sure that although our friends and family love us, they don't love us  _that_ much." More laughter.

"So here it is, baby: I just want my life's goal to be to make you feel loved always. That's my priority yesterday and today and tomorrow and for every day after that. And with that love that God has blessed us with, I know will come a lifetime of laughter, joy, and hope. I will be your best friend in your times of hardship, your confidant in your times of uncertainty, your number one fan in your times of celebration..." She caresses Clarke's hands with her fingers.

"You have taken my heart and with it everything else that ever belonged to me.  **My face is mine, Clarke, my hands are mine, my mouth is mine, but I'm not. I'm yours.** And I can't wait to share the rest of our lives together, here and in eternity. I know that I have placed myself in the hands of the most trustworthy woman ever, that will take care of it. But I want you to know that yours is safeguarded with me too. I will keep it with the utmost care... because God entrusted it to me and there is no higher responsibility in this life. I'm honored to be the keeper of your hand, of your name, and of your love: I love you, baby, and nothing will ever change that."

Lexa slides the band up her finger and then places the softest of kisses on top of it before bringing their hands back down.

"Clarke?" Her father prompts.

Clarke inhales deeply, breathes to remember what she wrote and begins:

"Lex... you-are everything to me. I can't promise much, except that you will always be the center of my life: my decisions, my hopes, my aspirations - everything comes back to you, love. All I know, and all that matters, is that we're so in love with each other and that we have something real molded by God. And that is true, and pure, and holy. I promise to uphold these values in our home: of honesty, trust, and integrity and to keep you always, always in my prayers."

Here, she takes a breath and Lexa looks at her with the most loving look ever and swipes a thumb under her right eye to wipe away a stray tear. She smiles at the gesture and continues, "I can't promise much, but I can work every day to be the woman you believe me to be. You have only ever shown me what true love is and I want to be worthy of this love because you are much more than I ever hoped to have."

Another shaky breath. "I promise that together we'll face every thing life throws at us: in sickness or health, in poverty or prosperity, in mourning or celebration, and that we will be blessings to those around us. Together we'll show everyone hearts don't break around here. You are  _the_ love of my life. You are the commander of my heart, and you are the keeper of the flame that burns within me and keeps me going. I love you forever."

Clarke shakes as she tries to slide the band up Lexa's finger, and they giggle at her three attempts before she finally gets it. When she makes it, Lexa lifts their hands up in the air in excitement and their guests laugh along with them.

Pastor Griffin smiles at the action, clears his throat, and says, "then it is official. By the power vested in me by the state of Maryland and the church, I now pronounce you wives. What God has put together, may man never bring apart." He grins, "you many now kiss each other!"

She's pretty sure that this is the first day of her life. Everything that's happened to her prior to this moment when Lexa presses her lips to hers as her  _wife_ is meaningless. Okay - maybe that's an exaggeration but she truly feels like a new person, and she has Lexa to thank for for that.

* * *

After the final blessing, they walk out of the chapel hand in hand to the music of Vivaldi's [Autumn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7hGiZ579cs) (yes they realized the irony when they chose it), to the loud cheer and applause of their friends, family, and children of camp. Clarke can't keep the smile out of her face as they walk down the aisle, the excitement too much for her to even try to contain, and her happiness is so explosive that she just wants to shout at the skies: I love this woman, and she's my wife!

The walking out of the chapel is only for show because as soon as they're out, they are ushered back inside through the side door to take pictures. They wait as their guests exit to go to the nearby venue for reception. Many of the children that stayed for the ceremony leave at this point with their parents.

Her wedding party plays music while they take pictures. They take pictures with her family, with Lexa's family, with their bridesmaids and bridesmen, with just the men, with just the women... with Maggie, with Bellamy, and then with Anya. And then they're excused, and Clarke and Lexa spend another long time taking pictures of just them: in the chapel, by the dock, in front of the lake-nearly every surface of the camp that the photographer believes has a gorgeous view (and there are a lot). 

Finally, they're done with the photos session and have yet to let go of each other's hands as they get into Bellamy's car who is driving them to the reception.

Octavia announces their arrival - "For the first time ever: Mrs. and Mrs. Griffin-Woods!" - and folks greet them with loud applause, whooping, and whistling. Clarke raises their hands above their heads and strikes a pose. Lexa sees her wife's antics and joins by doing the same. This earns them more laughter and some shouts for a kiss. Clarke  _has_ to comply so she pulls Lexa in by the neck and lands a good one on those soft lips. "Love you, wifey," she murmurs into Lexa's mouth.

Her wife responds, "love you too, wife."

* * *

This is the moment that Clarke has been looking forward to the most. She selected their first dance song and Lexa still doesn't know what it is. The music starts playing and Clarke looks over at Lexa, her eyes shining with unshed tears. She extends a hand to her as Octavia is announcing, "and now the brides will have their first dance. Please join me in welcoming them to the dance floor."

The guests clap again as Clarke walks over to the dance floor. Lexa seems to be stuck in her spot, watching her move. She hates that they have let go of each other. The rhythm of the bass and brass taking over the room, Clarke looks at Lexa and beckons her over with a finger; Lexa immediately comes, accepting Clarke's extended hand.

They stop in the middle of the room, the lights dim and a spotlight shines on the two lovers standing there. "I hope you like my choice," Clarke whispers at Lexa. They begin to move along to the smooth tone of Frankie Valli's voice.

The way that Lexa is looking at her is enough to let her know she could do no wrong at this moment but she's still just as excited to hear her wife tell her, "it's perfect. You're perfect."

 _You're just too good to be true_  
_Can't take my eyes off you_  
_You'd be like heaven to touch_  
_I wanna hold you so much_  
_At long last love has arrived_  
_And I thank God I'm alive_  
_You're just too good to be true_  
_Can't take my eyes off you_  
  
_Pardon the way that I stare_  
_There's nothing else to compare_  
_The sight of you leaves me weak_  
_There are no words left to speak_  
_But if you feel like I feel_  
_Please let me know that is real_  
_You're just too good to be true_  
_I can't take my eyes off you_  
  
_I love you baby_  
_And if it's quite all right_  
_I need you baby_  
_To warm the lonely nights_  
_I love you baby_  
_Trust in me when I say_  
  
_Oh pretty baby_  
_Don't let me down I pray_  
_Oh pretty baby_  
_Now that I've found you stay_  
_And let me love you, baby_  
_Let me love you_

The song picks up at the chorus and Clarke and Lexa twirl each other and laugh, and pull each other in and swing together. Their friends clap along, and laugh along, and smile at them because there's just an overabundance of love and joy in this room. Lexa beams at Clarke when the song dies down. They come closer as the song transitions to a fade. Octavia is back on the microphone introducing Pastor Griffin, who welcomes everyone to the reception as Clarke and Lexa are seated at the newlyweds table. 

They're sitting close to each other, Clarke has her head on Lexa's shoulder and their fingers are interlocked on Lexa's lap. 

Jake offers a prayer for the newlyweds and for the dinner that's about to be served. 

Bellamy stands for the best man's toast a little after Clarke and Lexa are done eating. Bellamy's speech is short but heartfelt. He talks about witnessing how Clarke blossomed after meeting Lexa; how she's always been a beautiful person but with Lexa she's just the best version of her he's ever seen. He wishes them a lifetime of happiness. He makes Clarke cry and they share a long hug after his speech.

Anya's maid of honor toast is a lot more exciting and funny. Clarke is crying from laughing at some of the stories she shares about Lexa, including an anecdote of a time right after Lexa met Clarke and her sister just wouldn't stop texting Anya back at home. "It was text after text after text about this girl, like," Anya is recounting, "'Anya, she's _so_ beautiful. All she does is tell me to stop doing things or gets irritated at me for being in the wrong place at the wrong time but I like it.'" Lexa looks embarrassed but the story earns a laugh from Clarke who places a hand on Lexa's face and leaves a kiss on her cheek. She cleans the lipstick mark and chuckles in her ear at the red rising Lexa's neck. "Anyway, I know you picked a good one, sis," Anya continues, "congratulations and I second Bellamy's wish of a lifetime of happiness to the both of you. Clarke, take care of my baby sister. She's the best thing you'll have in life."

"I know," Clarke mutters to herself and Lexa, and when they get up together to thank Anya she makes sure to let her know that she already is.

* * *

There are more toasts, more pictures, a lot more dancing, and more pictures. They cut the cake (Lexa smears some frosting on Clarke's nose before kissing her), and take more pictures. Folks are still dancing the night away and having a good time. 

Clarke dances with her father and mother. Lexa dances with her uncle Gus and Anya, then they trade and dance with each other's families. They eventually manage to get back to each other until it's the final song of the night and Clarke finds herself simply swaying in Lexa's arms. They're exhausted but it is a beautiful kind of exhaustion, from simply having too much fun.

 _Like a river flows surely to the sea_ the music plays in the background. "You ready, honey?" Lexa asks.   _  
_ Clarke looks up at Lexa and nods, feeling the day settle behind them and looking forward to their honeymoon the next day.  _Darling, so it goes some things are meant to be,_ "I'm so ready."

 _Take my hand, take my whole life too_ Lexa grabs Clarke's hand and slowly leans in to kiss her. _For I can't help falling in love with you_ the song ends. Lexa lets the night's DJ know they're leaving. Octavia grins, gives them a hug, and lets the rest of the guests know. People make their way outside to watch as the newlyweds leave together. 

Clarke and Lexa are led through a tunnel of friends and family holding up sparklers, smiles wide as ever. Clarke gets in the car first, Lexa following and when the door closes behind her, Clarke kisses her wife. Bellamy gets in the drivers seat, shakes his head, and begins the drive to the hotel. 

"Alright, Mrs. Lexa Griffin-Woods," Clarke says, "now our adventure really begins."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Get to Love You - Ruelle  
> Only Love - Ben Howard  
> Best Friend - Jason Mraz  
> King of the Jungle - no idea, camp songs man  
> Chapel of Love - Dixie Chicks  
> God Bless the Broken Road - Selah  
> Summer - Autumn  
> Can't Take My Eyes Off of You - Frankie Valli  
> Can't Help Falling in Love - Ingrid Michaelson version  
> also that bolded quote in Lexa's vow is from Cpt. Fantastic. No credit to me, I just really love it and have always wanted to use it. if you haven't seen the movie, go watch it.


End file.
